Are table manners important anymore?

Most people put elbows on the table quite often here. Maybe that rule dated back to dirty tables or dirty clothes ? A lot just use forks here,too rather than knives and forks. No worries.

anything that does not impinge adversely on others' eating experience sounds fine to me.
i went to a school where you were not allowed to touch the banisters when using the stairs.
we also had to curtsey to the headmistress every morning.
i think all that, along with noticing how others eat and sit at table, is rightly consigned to the victorian era.
and i don't mean the state of victoria.
i'm with you on this, nanna8.

I was brought up that table manners were important. We brought our children up to have good table manners and my grandson's have been brought up the same.

It's not just table manners that are important but manners in general . Please and thank you don't cost anything. Treating people how you want to be treated is how I was brought up and still do that to this day. I hate queue jumpers which happened a lot where I used to live but not found it here in the north west.

I always thank car drivers who stop to let me across the road and grateful for any help I need.

If you bring a child up with good manners from very young it's something they have for life.

Unfortunately we are supposed to be living in a more enlightened age where people aren't supposed to be discriminated against. I am disabled but found no discrimination since moving here. Unfortunately I had abuse shouted at me where I used to live. And was bullied everyday day at high school it was late 60-70's . But unfortunately bullying is still very much part of school life and the bullying is worse online but they are cowards who do that at least I faced my bullies.

Can't remember anyone committing suicide when I was at school but many children have since technology . It's begs the question are parents not teaching their children to fight back or are children to frightened to tell their parents ?

Is life to easy for children nowadays and they aren't taught coping mechanisms?

I wasn't brought up with money if you wanted anything you saved and worked. No bank of mom and dad a phase I hate. Both my children paid for their own weddings and have brought their own houses with no help from me. I was widowed 20 years next month my husband was 47 I was 45. But we had already taught them manners and hard work and saving.

I was brought up very very strictly re. table manners, but was very confused as the French table manners are often the opposite of the British ones. Elbows on the table for example.
My children were brought up no eating with their mouths open, speaking with their mouths full, etc., but not very strict.
What I can’t abide is the fork in a closed fist, knives in the left hand for a right handed person, and worst of all, keeping arms on the table and lowering the head to the “trough”. Ugh!

Yes I believe they are but perhaps not as rigidly as enforced when we were younger. You only have to witness the carnage in Wetherspoons on a Saturday morning to see what happens when children are allowed to run about and throw food at each other.

The importance of having good manners was instilled in me from an early age, both at home and at school. In turn, this was how our children were brought up and I’m pleased to see my grandchildren are, too.

I think it stems from showing consideration for others so holding doors open, acknowledging drivers who give way or stop at a crossing or letting another vehicle into a queue is routine. Who know? It could just brighten their day and inspire them to do likewise!

I often tell the grandchildren that they shouldn't eat with their mouth open or loll on the table. Even in the presence of the parents who have said it's OK. I asked my son.

I always said to my children, and now say it to the DGC, you can do what you like here in the family but just know how you SHOULD be behaving for when you are eating out or are with other people. My son said that he thinks they should be behaving when they're with us.

All my children have strict rules about staying sat up during meals and no phones or books at the table.

So, yes. I think table manners matter, out of respect for those eating with you. Not necessarily which fork or spoon to use, but maintaining basic decency, such as not making a mess, talking with your mouth full, interrupting people, running about, or slumping on the table.

What are manners but courtesy and consideration for other people? They mutate and change over time, but the principle behind them remains unchanged.

So children should learn to sit ata a table, stay there until allowed to get down, handle cutlery and eat in a way that does not disgust others and take part in conversation.

The minutae of what cutlery you use for what and how you do it is mere persiflage. The Americans use cutlery differently to us and forks only came into everyday use in the 17th century.

Most of us were taught table manners, these days they are “relaxed” somewhat but still good. Around the Christmas table we had all ages 5-75, table manners were good, although inevitably elbows were on the table as we chatted.
When there were 8 young children we gave them their own table, the older ones looked after the younger ones and could have their own chat, that worked really well and removed all the stress.

For me, bringing up my children, table manners were mainly about showing consideration for other people and also so that they wouldn't embarrass themselves when eating outside the home. So correct use of cutlery, eating with mouth closed, not speaking with mouth full, trying not to eat noisily (slurping soup for example!). Other former 'sins' like elbows on the table never bothered me. Reading the newspaper at the breakfast table was always a thing in our house, so it didn't worry me if the children wanted to read a book or finish homework at breakfast although perhaps not at other times - although we didn't do the family meal at the table thing because the children ate earlier than we did, in front of the TV. I am new to grandparenting and my GD is only 7 months old, her 'manners' at being weaned are questionable, lol! But I am confident her parents will do a good job of teaching her how to behave, as she gets older.

I also think it's the height of bad manners to comment on or criticise other people's manners - the polite thing to do is to ignore (apart from your own children, of course!).

A while ago now, we took our DGD, age 10, to a restaurant where table etiquette was strongly adhered to. After her asking why there were different sets of cutlery and why they were placed in a certain position, she is now quite fastidious about laying the table correctly! This is not to show off, but more to make an art of it and to give a sort of dining experience! On the other hand, she is equally adept at eating with her hands.
A sense of occasion is what matters I guess.

I’m not quite as particular as my father was - mealtimes could be a trial, with the constant exhortations to do, or not do, this or that, but I do still think they’re important, and am very glad I was taught how to behave at the table.

A friend of ours, OTOH, who’s no longer with us, had the most appalling table manners - among other things, shovelling food in, eating and talking with his mouth so full - there was always an argument between dds as to who was not going to sit opposite him at the table! It was honestly gross.

Evidently he hadn’t been taught as a child, but he’d been very successful in his career and was very sociable, so how on earth he hadn’t picked up acceptable manners along the way I will never understand.

Eating with an open mouth crammed food, I meant! As well as talking ditto.

I think manners matter. Polite people make a positive impression wherever they go.
I'm in a quandary about my niece. Over the years I've given her very nice presents, passed on good jewellery etc however, it never seems to occur to her to say thank you. Not even a quick text. DD and I don't know what to make of it. If she's like this in her work and life generally she'll not be doing herself any favours. I've left her a little money in my will but won't be giving her any more gifts. All due to her lack of basic manners.

Manners do matter. Table manners, thank you notes, basic courtesies. In some big law firms applicants for training contracts are taken out for lunch. They think it’s a social occasion - it’s not, it’s part of the interview process and their manners are carefully noted. Public school boys tend not to score too well.

I grew up in another country and the manners are different. I'm not fussed about where their elbows are or how they use cutlery.

I agree that table manners (and polite behaviour in general) are about showing consideration for other people. Children learn by example. You can teach them what to do by sitting all together and having pleasant and civilised meals. OK sometimes I do remind them to stay seated or whatever, but my general philosophy is to model the considerate behaviour.

I always thank car drivers who stop to let me across the road and grateful for any help
Sorry, this isn’t about manners. This is about the law!
You have a right to cross the road. Pedestrians have a right of way. The law was changed recently to emphasise this.
I am sick of crossing when a car just drives at me. I had to jump into a hedge last month when a car drove towards where I was crossing a car park and suddenly turned towards me. No indicators, no slowing down. I was “lucky” there was a hedge.
I was late for a class because I spent 10 minutes attempting to cross the road. I told the class why I was late and a driver said she’d never let a pedestrian cross because another car might run into her. I asked if she felt the same about roundabouts and. Red light, other places she was legally required to stop.
We must reign in some of the terrible attitudes that exist on the roads. And it starts with us all.

That’s interesting GSM !

Our three were taught good table manners from an early age, our grandchildren are now being taught good table manners.

Last month we were having lunch with senior staff who work for our client, they have many degrees between but no table manners.

GSM I can remember being taken out to lunch as part of the interview process. One company took all short listed applicants for their Graduate Traiing Scheme away for a weekend. I think that also included seeing how much we drank.

They matter to me.

Yes. I think they are but I'm don't worry if people adopt American or French practices.

Does anyone care any more?

Yes.

People note when people eat quietly, don't shovel, don't chew with mouth open, sit with hands folded. Yes it matters.

Table manners are extremely important to me and I did my best to teach my children to eat politely. They haven’t passed this on to my GC whose table manners are almost non existent. They are however unfailingly polite in other ways. I say nothing although I find this difficult. In general I only comment positively. I clearly remember the opinionated comments made by my father and others of his generation. It wasn’t helpful!