To ask my son for a refund?

Well then it seems
You’ve made your decision jackK. What a pity you so easily give up on seeing your son and his family. I can only imagine in a few years time it will be I’ve never met my grandaughter because my awful dil and son won’t visit me! And why would they when you’ve decided you’ll never visit them either. Heaven forbid perhaps they won’t “care for the uk”. In short yes you’re being most unreasonable and acting the petulant child about it. As for smileless I’ve yet to see a grandparent on here she’d ever find unreasonable. No matter how ridiculous the behavior she most always sees it as correct and they the perpetual victim of their unkind adult children. I guess I missed the memo that when we became grandparents we were free to become inflexible overbearing imposing people and should face zero consequences for it

JackK

Silver lining, Smileless2012 and Pascal30, thank you!
Although Pascal30, I did want her company - I wanted to get to know her, as we'd never met ... and my son loves her - and she was carrying my old grandchild. She didn't escape - that is their normal routine: they are both self employed, so arrange their days arrange afternoons at the beach!

So was your DIL attempting to work in her own business, while heavily pregnant with a house guest at her home for 3 weeks?

It sounds like a very difficult situation for her.

Bye then

I kept telling myself "leave it, leave it!" but here I am again 😃
However, I DEFINITELY shall leave it after this ... life is too short to stand my ground with strangers! I haven't argued with your 'yeses or nos', I've argued with the way they've been articulated.
Pascal30, Canadiangran and Smileless: your responses have been a pleasure to read.
Rosiesmaw, Bluebelle and Germanshepherdsmum: Thank you for your thoughtful responses which were sent with kindness rather than unkindness. Although Bluebelle - there really IS a lot of difference - I don't like one of my neighbours, but I don't hate him 😆
Grammaretto: over the edge - yes - there are some fragile people about.
And probably many of those people on forums such as these 😟
You'll be pleased to know that I AM going to leave it now - thank you all again for your advice 😊

I don't think she was being unreasonable because I think the whole visit was almost bound to fail.. on both sides..

You stated you had purchased a flexible ticket. I would check with son and DIL first, but aim for a shorter visit when the baby is about 6 months old. Perhaps for 10 days, and check for any air bnb's nearby.

Please don't write off the relationship, you can hope for many years to come of visiting.

Not from me it doesn't.

No from me it doesn't.

It does.

Perhaps OP does not understand what AIBU stands for?
Does not realise she was asking “ Am I being unreasonable?”
The answer was and remains “Yes”.

This forum's title is AIBU so I feel you are asking to be told you either are or are not being unreasonable.
I must remember not to reply if I can't agree with the poster.
As for sending someone over the edge with my response. Really?

Sorry Jack you didn’t say hated you said in a country that I disliked! and you mentioned you didn’t like it more than once There’s really not a lot of difference is there ? A bit pedantic

I have tried to look at this from both sides and I think you have mostly looked at it from your perspective and only like the posters who have done the same but when you post on here you have to accept that there will be posters who see it from both sides and it may be an eye opener for you
The bit that lost me was when you said but I shall never return and .*I would prefer not to bond with her, than to be hurt further down the line* give it all a chance you can’t make a decision when you are still so upset and disappointed
Certainly no character assasination from me just trying to look at it all from a balanced point of view

Thank you Smileless2012! Exactly!

I go with the analogy that Benjamin Franklin voiced.
Guests are like fish, they both go off after 3 days.
Having said that, we have 2 male friends who I could easily live with.

There's a big difference between disliking something and hating it GSM.

JackK

Grams2five. Because I cannot afford a hotel for 3 weeks. Because I wouldn't enjoy staying alone in a country I don't even like for 3 weeks. And because I don't want to go back.

You didn’t say you hated Oz but you said you don’t like it - see above.

I cannot afford to stay in a hotel/air bnb for 3 weeks, and I don't even like Australia - I've done all the sightseeing I wanted to over the past 7 years since he's been there, so the only reason I'd visit would be to see my granddaughter (who is now a week old)
That sounds pretty much like what BlueBelle understood you to say.

Nobody descends on a young family with a new baby for three weeks unless specifically asked to go to help.
Your flexible ticket was precisely that - flexible did not mean refundable but to be used another time.
I don’t think you can ask them to fund an air B and B or hotel for three weeks either- of course if they are so well off that they offer, that would make life much easier.
Sadly this is one of the major problems of family on the “other side of the world “
I hope bridges can be built to repair the relationship (again, if the baby is newborn, you said a week old? they may not have had time to open presents or even think and I certainly would not expect a newborn to be awake! From my experience of my own they were either awake and crying, feeding or, if you were very very very lucky, asleep!)

Surely people can disagree without being unpleasant 😃

Ooh err. That's you told Grammaretto !
It's obviously a risk to post if you aren't aware that not everyone will agree with you.

Grammaretto: please don't tell me what I 'should' be doing. Yes, I am self critical - which, in my book is a strength rather than a weakness. Perhaps you meant 'critical' ... in which case you should perhaps be more self aware of your own weaknesses? And insecure? (laughs) ... please!!!!
This is only the 3rd time I ever posted on here, and a few unpleasant individuals have most definitely put me off posting again. Thank goodness I have supportive friends and family - as, if I was relying on this forum for support I would be pretty disappointed. I am more than able to cope with this, but others may not be as able to - so please consider your responses in the future; your response may tip someone else's emotions over the edge!

Bluebelle: I did not at any point say that I hated the country.
Theexwife: yes, I agree - I think (and accept) that she did not like me. Fair dinkum!

My MiL was lovely. Cannot fault her at all but when we were living in a small maisonette she came to stay for six weeks.
Her behaviour was impeccable , she was thoughtful and considerate but by the end of her stay I couldn’t wait for her to go. I just wanted to be on my own without a constant presence.
Just the way it is!

After spending time with you maybe she just didn’t like you, that is not a critisism of you just that we dont always like every member of our families.

I'd best leave my responses for now! I didn't post for a character assassination!

You sound quite self critical and insecure Jack I agree with BlueBelle .

You are calling sour grapes when you should be making plans for a sensible visit, either here or there further down the line.