To ask my son for a refund?

It sounds as though your expectations and theirs did not align at all.

Money is the root of all evil in my book so I would avoid asking him for a refund on your ticket. I have yet to meet any new parent who thinks they are financially comfortable.

Why not wait until they visit you to meet the baby and try not to feel hard done by.
A lot of folk stay in Airbnb while visiting relatives.

Thank you, that's a sensible perspective!

Hello Jack, how disappointing for you to have cut your November trip short. Being expected to go out every day for 6 hours is unrealistic IMO and if that had been their expectation, your son should have discussed it with you before you booked your ticket.

Our son lives in Perth, Aus. and like you, the only reason we go is so we can see and spend time with him. Australia would never have been a holiday destination for me, if he wasn't living there.

In your position, I would tell my son that I can't afford to pay for accommodation and had I realised that I'd need too, I wouldn't have arranged to go back and purchased my ticket.

Asking for cash gifts for future birthdays and Christmases to off set the cost of the ticket you can't get a refund for isn't the same as asking for a refund, and I don't think it would be unreasonable for you to do so.

Do think carefully before you do so though as it may have a detrimental affect on your relationship with them.

I agree with Grammaretto

To be honest, if I’d only met my partner’s mother once, I really wouldn’t want her staying with me three weeks after giving birth.

I visit my Children but would prefer B+B when I visit , they insist I stay with them , I feel it’s too claustrophobic!
I bet you did nothing wrong !
I would go for a week ( change your flexible ticket) and stay in a B+B
DONT ASK THEM FOR MONEY

If it’s a flexible ticket presumably you could go at another time? Perhaps tell your son you’ve bought a ticket and ask when would be a convenient time? If he fobs you off then you have your answer. Don’t ask for the money.

Thank you Smileless2012, and for pointing out the difference between a full refund, and dribs and drabs over the next few years!

Enid101, the baby would be 3 months old, not 3 weeks

When we went to see our new granddaughter we were asked to stay in a hotel. We quite understood that having extra people in the house with a new baby to cope with would be difficult, even though finances were tight for us.

Perhaps you could save up for a while for a hotel/ Airb&b and go to see them when the baby is a little older. Staying elsewhere would mean that you needn't go out when you're not with your family but could just quietly be indoors with a book or the television or whatever.

But I do understand how you must have felt about your recent visit. Possibly they should have been more open with you before you went.

I agree with Smileless2012. The son and partner should definitely have spoken to you about the expectations of going out for 6 hours daily. Although, from what you say, this idea seems to have entered their heads only after the first two weeks of your visit.

Have you told them of your lack of finances? When we went to Australia to visit our son and wife we told them we could only afford two things out of three - the flights, the accommodation, and spending money. Luckily, they had enough room to house us (just).

I can empathize with Jack, but don't have any helpful suggestions. It's a difficult one. I hope they visit you with your new grandchild in the near future

Septicaemia, thank you for such a thoughtful and empathic response ❤️

I'm so sorry Septimia - predictive text!!!

Cabowich, thank you. You've completely understood my predicament!

I can entirely understand that your son’s partner doesn’t want the hassle of hosting you for three weeks when she has a new baby. Having visitors means work before, during and after their stay. And having someone stay and be in your home pretty much 24/7 for three weeks when you’re heavily pregnant must be pretty exhausting. You know the saying about visitors and fish …

No, don’t ask your son for money.

I have a relative who stays with me for 3 weeks and never leaves my side, it's suffocating. I never stay with family much prefer the freedom to do as I please and I don't go by car but spend alot of time walking.
Visitors should give the host a daily break at the minimum

My inlaws came over from South Africa for a 4 week visit when I had a toddler and a 3 month old baby, but they were very helpful. They stayed with us but paid their way, and also did a lot of chores for me and entertained my toddler so I could do things with the baby. Plus they went out for the day or half a day, and at one point went to Europe for a week.

Halfpint1, I should have said that I went out for 2 hours each day and sat on the balcony for the rest of the time. I was nowhere near her side! Tbh, no-one would even know I was there - I left things as I found them, washed up, brought washing in etc; I didn't give her any extra work. In fact, she said to me once - "There's no need for you to do that - I'll have nothing to do!"

Cooking? Shopping? Getting your room ready for your stay? Not being able to come and go or go to bed as and when they pleased because they had a guest to consider? It’s a lot of pressure and, to put it bluntly, inconvenience to have a guest staying so long but you seem not to understand that.

I find having people in my home too much even after a few days.. I just need the freedom and space to be alone.. so I can imagine how they felt.. no matter how considerate you were as a guest. I would wait for several months before considering going back to visit, to let all those hormones settle down.. then maybe look for a hostel or airbnb.. I would not bring up the financial aspect of this,unless they do first.. this is very tricky territory... or wait til they bring the baby over to the UK.. is the ticket transferable to your son maybe..

Even the best of guests as GSM says are extra work and what with the pregnancy hormones I guess your DiL was desperate to get back to her nesting without someone being there

I invited my DGMiL to stay when my boys were 4 and 2. I had only met her once and she would have been 80. She stayed for 2 weeks!! I couldn't believe how hard I found it.
She expected 3 meals a day and to be taken for outings in the car. DH was at work all the while. She brought clothes for the boys which she liked I didn't and wanted to buy them ice-cream and sweets.

I am now very aware of how easy it is to fall from grace and as I am about to visit DS &DDiL in NZ for 4 weeks, this post is rather relevant. 😯

When we visit family abroad we much prefer to stay in a hotel or Airbnb. It gives us freedom as well as them. A few years back we did stay for a week with my son and family who he said would be over the stomach bug they’d all had a few weeks before. Nope…we went down with it which was inconvenient for all concerned.

I may be wrong Jack but the impression I have is that you make the trip on your own. Going out every day for 6 hours alone wouldn't be ideal for the majority, nor would staying in an Air B&B unless it was possible to find one very close to where they live.

It might be an idea to see as pascal's suggested, if the ticket could be transferred into your son's name if they intend to come to the UK at some point.

JackK

Enid101, the baby would be 3 months old, not 3 weeks

“I'd already booked a flight (I paid for this) for March, when the baby would be 3 weeks old.”

This is what you said.