To ask my son for a refund?

Oh dear OP. You've fallen into the daughter in law trap haven't you. Even worse, she is a pregnant daughter in law that you'd never met before. Recipe for total disaster. A son is a son until he takes a wife and all that. She is hormonal and sees you as a rival not a help. Three weeks is a long time to stay underfoot with someone, even your nearest and dearest, and you probably did put your foot right in it. It doesn't take much. Unsolicited advice my guess on running a home, bottle feeding instead of breast, what time they got up in the morning or when they ate perhaps?

I can assure you that she won't want you there to help with the baby, that could end in blood shed.

Your son probably knew it wouldn't work but what could he say in all honesty. He either upsets his mother or his pregnant wife. On the other hand, telling you to go out for 6 hours a day was daft.

Personally I would cut my losses and not ask for a refund in any shape or form as I think it will put the tin hat on it.

Think you’re expecting too much. I would leave things alone for the minute.

You very well may have done nothing wrong, as your son says, but they found the reality of having a houseguest for three weeks to be too much to handle.

I’m an introvert. I don’t do well with houseguests, three days is my limit. Doesn’t matter who it is, I struggle. I need my space, my routine, my down time to not be ‘on’. Waking up with someone extra in the house puts me on edge.

And your son’s gf was heavily pregnant and meeting you for the first time? And alone with you for the majority of the visit?

Ooof.

Oh and please don’t ask your son for money for the ticket that would really put the kibosh on things

I m sorry it was such a disapointment but I wouldn’t dream of going back so soon after your last difficult visit so I d definitly postpone that until the babies older and have a shorter time with them and ask your son to at least take the first week off
I m sure you didn’t do or say anything wrong. I loved my mum in law she was a lovely lady but I would not have known what to do for three weeks like GSM as much as I like people and I am a people person but I m not good for unknown long periods I start to go stir crazy and want to be alone

Whose idea was to buy the ticket to visit (post-baby) in March, before the first visit (pre-baby) even happened?

Oh dear when we read threads on here with mothers and daughters, who know each other very well, falling out it isn’t surprising that a heavily pregnant girl completely unknown to you was going to have problems. If anybody is at fault it is your son, however, you shouldn’t have bought a ticket yourself to return before you knew how it was going to go. Your son appears to have realised what has happened as he is prevaricating now. See what you can do about changing the length of your visit or wait until baby is older or they can visit you.

Thanks smileless

Just found your post about the days your son took off. Not going mad. Not yet anyway.

You're right silverlining Jack's has posted on page 2 that her son took 4 days off work during her visit .

Sorry, not sure where I got the idea your son took 4 days off during your visit, must have mixed that up with another thread
Apologies.

Where most of us can visit for 2 or 3 days max then leave, a trip to Australia means a longer stay. Or the extra cost of other accommodation. It’s difficult to go out every day for so many hours especially with health problems.
If Jackk was home alone with the girlfriend most days it’s clearly going to be difficult. I love my best friend but after 4 or 5 days it would start be too much. I would be inclined to keep visits to two weeks max in future.

In the meantime I would hold back on returning for now and hope that they visit you. Once you get to know her better and the baby gets a bit older it may be easier for you all, but hard though it might be, your son does need to be around more than he was in November during your visits. I think I read 4 days, really not enough.
A friend is visiting her new gc fir the first time this weekend. They have booked a small hotel, it’s easy when you don’t have a 25 hour journey to get there.
I wish you well and hope you can resolve this problem.

.

All very awkward, I agree. Lots of possible solutions offered.

When I am staying with someone I sometimes feel I should get out from under their feet and go out for the day, but then it feels as if I am using their home as a hotel. So I haven’t stayed with anyone for more than two nights for a long time now.

When my mother-in-law was alive and more able, we used to go and stay for several days and if we wanted to go anywhere to give her a break ( eg we had friends in the area that we wanted to visit) she was offended and would insist on coming with us!
Sometimes you just can’t win.

I agree with you there Norah, bad planning on the part of her son.

Smileless2012

Presumably his partner agreed, after all she was invited and her son paid for her ticket.

Nobody I know would extend a 3 week invitation and then after 2 weeks expect their invited guest to find alternative accommodation, because they hadn't gone out for 6 hours every day on their own.

Oh dear indeed.

The missing bit appears to be expecting people who have never met to stay home all day whilst son faffs off to work - not well done him.

Presumably his partner agreed, after all she was invited and her son paid for her ticket.

Nobody I know would extend a 3 week invitation and then after 2 weeks expect their invited guest to find alternative accommodation, because they hadn't gone out for 6 hours every day on their own.

Oh dear indeed.

Smileless2012

I agree with you Soozikini.

I honestly don't see how going out alone for 6 hours a day could work well for anyone Norah.

Apology. The osteoarthritis bit was after my post and lost before another. I understand, I've had both knees replaced.

i quite understand your son and partner finding their way in the first stages of parenthood feeling that they cannot cope with an extra visitor in the house.

We haven't stayed over in DS's house for about a decade, with two growing children, there isn't room, unless we sleep on the living room floor. We either stay with other members of the family or stay in a hotel.

I can understand that, having bought the ticket it is unjust not to mention the need to get accommodation until afterwards.

Could you shorten your visit so that you do not stay as long, and ask for some help paying for the accommodation.

You could also look for B&B rather than a hotel or AirBNB, they are usually cheaper than the other two.

Germanshepherdsmum

So his partner had you around all day every day except for those four? I really, really couldn’t have coped with that especially with a small baby. Just such hard work. I like my own space and don’t want to have to deal with others and their needs for very long. I’m not surprised that after two weeks she couldn’t stand it any more.

Not many, and nobody I know, would accept a virtual stranger to meet his new (heavily pregnant) partner with partner (son) out working daily.

If I read this correctly you didn't know the woman, she was pregnant, your son was at work all day apart from 4 days?

Oh dear!

The OP's son's partner was pregnant while she was there GSM, she hadn't had the baby.

The OP finds it difficult to walk Norah, she has osteoarthritis so to have undertaken the journey on her own wouldn't have been particularly easy.

JackK

Sooziniki, yes! Exactly! That's exactly what I thought - and my friends / other son, completely agree!
Norah, I have explained it all. No need for more self reflection - I have done NOTHING but, since I returned home! Didn't you read that my son had told me that I'd done or said nothing wrong?!!!

Sorry, cross posted.

Yes I read your son felt you'd done nothing wrong (after the first 2 weeks). I also read what follows, something went very wrong!

Before I left, they asked me to stay somewhere else in March, as having visitors would be too much for them. Even more pretty devasted at this!

Things have deteriorated since then - he will not discuss the visit, he cannot or will not, tell me what changed after a fortnight- so I have decided not to return.

Well done you deciding to cut losses at this time! People who push in and must have a go on their own terms generally lose, imo.

Wait patiently.

So his partner had you around all day every day except for those four? I really, really couldn’t have coped with that especially with a small baby. Just such hard work. I like my own space and don’t want to have to deal with others and their needs for very long. I’m not surprised that after two weeks she couldn’t stand it any more.

ElaineI, yes my DS was working, although he did take 4 days off for my visit - which was lovely.

Smileless2012

I agree with you Soozikini.

I honestly don't see how going out alone for 6 hours a day could work well for anyone Norah.

Perhaps if one doesn't walk or like to be out, I'd then agree.

I walk hours and hours daily, albeit with dogs, but do on holiday as well. Museums, shows, beach, guide book through neighborhoods.

Last we were in London I bought last minute tickets and popped into a West End play whilst my husband accomplished business. I also took myself to a cafe and walked all round. Wonderful!

Determination to get on, without having things ones own way makes life much easier. I gather not applicable in this post.

Smileless2012, once more - thank you for completely understanding! I've sent you a private message!