I have a relative who stays with me for 3 weeks and never leaves my side, it's suffocating. I never stay with family much prefer the freedom to do as I please and I don't go by car but spend alot of time walking.
Visitors should give the host a daily break at the minimum
I can entirely understand that your son’s partner doesn’t want the hassle of hosting you for three weeks when she has a new baby. Having visitors means work before, during and after their stay. And having someone stay and be in your home pretty much 24/7 for three weeks when you’re heavily pregnant must be pretty exhausting. You know the saying about visitors and fish …
No, don’t ask your son for money.
Cabowich, thank you. You've completely understood my predicament!
I'm so sorry Septimia - predictive text!!!
Septicaemia, thank you for such a thoughtful and empathic response ❤️
I agree with Smileless2012. The son and partner should definitely have spoken to you about the expectations of going out for 6 hours daily. Although, from what you say, this idea seems to have entered their heads only after the first two weeks of your visit.
Have you told them of your lack of finances? When we went to Australia to visit our son and wife we told them we could only afford two things out of three - the flights, the accommodation, and spending money. Luckily, they had enough room to house us (just).
I can empathize with Jack, but don't have any helpful suggestions. It's a difficult one. I hope they visit you with your new grandchild in the near future
When we went to see our new granddaughter we were asked to stay in a hotel. We quite understood that having extra people in the house with a new baby to cope with would be difficult, even though finances were tight for us.
Perhaps you could save up for a while for a hotel/ Airb&b and go to see them when the baby is a little older. Staying elsewhere would mean that you needn't go out when you're not with your family but could just quietly be indoors with a book or the television or whatever.
But I do understand how you must have felt about your recent visit. Possibly they should have been more open with you before you went.
Enid101, the baby would be 3 months old, not 3 weeks
Thank you Smileless2012, and for pointing out the difference between a full refund, and dribs and drabs over the next few years!
If it’s a flexible ticket presumably you could go at another time? Perhaps tell your son you’ve bought a ticket and ask when would be a convenient time? If he fobs you off then you have your answer. Don’t ask for the money.
I visit my Children but would prefer B+B when I visit , they insist I stay with them , I feel it’s too claustrophobic!
I bet you did nothing wrong !
I would go for a week ( change your flexible ticket) and stay in a B+B
DONT ASK THEM FOR MONEY
To be honest, if I’d only met my partner’s mother once, I really wouldn’t want her staying with me three weeks after giving birth.
I agree with Grammaretto
Hello Jack, how disappointing for you to have cut your November trip short. Being expected to go out every day for 6 hours is unrealistic IMO and if that had been their expectation, your son should have discussed it with you before you booked your ticket.
Our son lives in Perth, Aus. and like you, the only reason we go is so we can see and spend time with him. Australia would never have been a holiday destination for me, if he wasn't living there.
In your position, I would tell my son that I can't afford to pay for accommodation and had I realised that I'd need too, I wouldn't have arranged to go back and purchased my ticket.
Asking for cash gifts for future birthdays and Christmases to off set the cost of the ticket you can't get a refund for isn't the same as asking for a refund, and I don't think it would be unreasonable for you to do so.
Do think carefully before you do so though as it may have a detrimental affect on your relationship with them.
Thank you, that's a sensible perspective!
It sounds as though your expectations and theirs did not align at all.
Money is the root of all evil in my book so I would avoid asking him for a refund on your ticket. I have yet to meet any new parent who thinks they are financially comfortable.
Why not wait until they visit you to meet the baby and try not to feel hard done by.
A lot of folk stay in Airbnb while visiting relatives.
In November I visited my youngest son in Australia, to meet his new (heavily pregnant) partner. They paid for the ticket - for a stay of 3 weeks).
The visit was perfectly wonderful for 2 weeks, at which point the partner became cold and distant. Following a discussion, my son said I'd done or said nothing wrong - but then admitted that they'd expected me to go out every day, all day (for 6 hours). The outcome of this was me changing my ticket and coming home a week early. Pretty devastated - but still on good terms.
I'd already booked a flight (I paid for this) for March, when the baby would be 3 weeks old - 3 weeks again, so that I could help out. This is also my first - and probably only - grandchild, so I was really looking forward to becoming a grandma. Before I left, they asked me to stay somewhere else in March, as having visitors would be too much for them. Even more pretty devasted at this!
I cannot afford to stay in a hotel/air bnb for 3 weeks, and I don't even like Australia- I've done all the sightseeing I wanted to over the past 7 years since he's been there, so the only reason I'd visit would be to see my granddaughter (who is now a week old).
Things have deteriorated since then - he will not discuss the visit, he cannot or will not, tell me what changed after a fortnight- so I have decided not to return. It will be too painful for me.
I'd bought a flexible ticket, so thought I could cancel and get a refund. But no. I've tried to sell it online - not allowed.
Would I be unreasonable to ask my son to send me cash for the next few birthdays and Christmases to recoup some of the ticket cost?
For context, they are financially comfortable ... and I don't think the relationship could suffer anymore than it has done already. All my 'graternal' joy disintegrated when they asked me to leave, and I hoped that when she was born it would return ... sadly it hasn't ... I don't feel anything, which is heartbreaking. I'd taken a small suitcase of gifts with me in November - a handmade patchwork quilt made of Mum's clothes (which she sent to me), his, his father's and brother's christening gown (which I'd told them was meant as an heirloom, rather than to be used - as I knew they wouldn't have a christening) countless new baby clothes, plus a couple of sentimental things (my son's first book etc) that they were absolutely thrilled with.
Sorry for the long post. My other son and friends have been wonderfully supportive, so my emotional state is ok - but my financial state isn't so good! What would you do?!!!
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