To ask my son for a refund?

Did they ask you to book flights to come and help out when the baby was born or did you just assume you were doing something nice? They are an immediate family now which makes you extended family - it sounds as though there is an issue there which is just not being discussed with you (likely your son is trying to save any further awkwardness by not disclosing what this issue is)

Unless they specifically asked you to book the flight, I think you are unreasonable to ask for the money back and they are under no obligation to give it to you.

Och!

Aveline

tickingbird Bye then! grin

Wishful thinking dear; I’m not going anywhere

Though I agree 3 weeks in someone’s house is a long time (even if it was your own child you were staying with ) if I were going as far as Australia i wouldn’t consider anything less than 3 weeks. Or even 4! It’s a long way to go after all.
Staying with a heavily pregnant woman you don’t know is unlikely to work for 3 weeks though. Perhaps given time they will get to know each other better and be more comfortable together. It’s in everyone’s interests that it does work.

Thank you Norah.

I wish the OP had clarified why three week was the visit length. It just seems like a very long time to be staying with someone, even without pregnancy or postpartum involved.

I understand it’s a long way to travel, but wouldn’t a shorter stay be better (financially, etc) than not visiting again ever?

Just seems a shame to take such a stance.

tickingbird Bye then!

Grams2five As for smileless I’ve yet to see a grandparent on here she’d ever find unreasonable. No matter how ridiculous the behavior she most always sees it as correct and they the perpetual victim of their unkind adult children. I guess I missed the memo that when we became grandparents we were free to become inflexible overbearing imposing people and should face zero consequences for it

No.

Smileless is fairly empathetic and though I've never worked out what her son problems are (and it's nobody on GN business anyway), she is allowed to feel as she does. Many mother's of sons take on the 'son is a son' saying, implying they are perhaps treated unfairly, Smileless is not alone in her attitudes.

Aveline

Thanks tickingbird you've clarified my opinion of you and your views perfectly.

No need for thanks, it was a pleasure

Thanks tickingbird you've clarified my opinion of you and your views perfectly.

No worries! 😊

Germanshepherdsmum

My apologies, it was Grams2five.

GSM Sorry I just replied and have now seen your apology. Oops!

Germanshepherdsmum

I’m disappointed that the OP has given up so easily and taken up such an entrenched position. Staying for three weeks with a heavily pregnant woman she had never met before, with her son only taking four days off work, was a recipe for disaster. As was booking another flight so quickly. Saying she would rather not bond with her grandchild than be hurt again is, as Madgran says, acting the petulant child.

That wasnt me Germanshepherdmum ... cant remembercwho said that and havent gone back to look 😏

Aveline

tickingbird my comment was in response to the OP's complaining that not everyone agrees with her. Quite rudely expressed too.
If you can't stand the kitchen...?
Obviously this isn't the site for her.

Thanks for that post as it so neatly compounds my earlier reply to you.

Oh and it’s “if you can’t stand the heat….”

Thought I’d correct that for you.

MercuryQueen

You very well may have done nothing wrong, as your son says, but they found the reality of having a houseguest for three weeks to be too much to handle.

I’m an introvert. I don’t do well with houseguests, three days is my limit. Doesn’t matter who it is, I struggle. I need my space, my routine, my down time to not be ‘on’. Waking up with someone extra in the house puts me on edge.

And your son’s gf was heavily pregnant and meeting you for the first time? And alone with you for the majority of the visit?

Ooof.

Completely this. Except 3 hours is better for me that 3 days!

JackK, what are the terms of your flexible ticket - how long can you go without using it, can you use it for other destinations etc?

tickingbird my comment was in response to the OP's complaining that not everyone agrees with her. Quite rudely expressed too.
If you can't stand the kitchen...?
Obviously this isn't the site for her.

Mazz21

I have a friend whose children now live in Aussie and she tends to do housesits near to where they stay rather than stay with them.
Is that a possibility if you go again?

Good idea Mazz I have a friend who does the same and she loves it.

Jack enjoy your holiday with your friend in the Orkney Islands, very good idea.

Jack so sorry to hear about your plight. As suggested by other posters, change your ticket to later in the year and shorten your stay, perhaps your son can pick up the bill for a week's stay in a B&B. You bought the ticket to visit after the baby was born so you can't ask your son for the money, he bought your last ticket in Nov. which was very good of him.
Good luck x

When I gave birth to my third child in The Netherlands, my mum & dad came to stay when she was about 3 weeks old, I think. We get on really well and are very close, so not even a thought about a hotel. I think I tried to carry on as I always did on their visits, cooking and looking after them and the other two small ones. My mum & dad would always help out a lot and my dad always went out for a long walk each day. No problems what-so-ever, my husband out at work different times of the day & night.

However, after a week at breakfast time, I walked out of the kitchen into the living room and just passed out flat on my back. The doctor was called, and I was told to stay in bed for at least 3 days and I was not to lift so much as a cup.

So as some have said, if my mum & dad had not been there, I would have stayed in bed, slept & ate when baby did, left the housework and got my H or neighbours to take my other 2 to school, which was only over the road and through a little walkway.

So, their much-wanted visit was too much for me.

To the OP if you’re still reading. Ignore certain posters, they revel in being nasty and provocative in these type of threads. As soon as I see their names I know there’s a sneering comment on the way.

You have every right to feel disappointed and upset. Enjoy your stay with your friend on Orkney and remember that, on here, MIL/DIL threads always bring out the nasties.

My apologies, it was Grams2five.

Aveline

Bye then

Do you think you’re being clever with your cocky and dismissive post?

You’re just showing everyone how rude and arrogant you are.

Madgran hasn't said the OP is acting the petulant child, she always manages to express her point of view without making personal insults. It's a shame that some posters are unable to do likewise.

I’m disappointed that the OP has given up so easily and taken up such an entrenched position. Staying for three weeks with a heavily pregnant woman she had never met before, with her son only taking four days off work, was a recipe for disaster. As was booking another flight so quickly. Saying she would rather not bond with her grandchild than be hurt again is, as Madgran says, acting the petulant child.

Thank you Madgran.

You're clearly very selective when it comes to 'remembering' my responses to similar situations Grams2five. I do not almost always regard the behaviour of parents and/or GP's as correct, seeing them as the perpetual victim of their unkind adult children.

I am however able to see when an AC's behaviour is unkind and unacceptable but I guess I must have missed the memo that when we become GP's, we have no right to be treated with consideration and if there is a problem, it's always going to be our fault and never the fault of our AC.

As for smileless I’ve yet to see a grandparent on here she’d ever find unreasonable. No matter how ridiculous the behavior she most always sees it as correct and they the perpetual victim of their unkind adult children

That is incorrect. I'm not going to trawl through threads to find examples but I know I have seen that poster tell GPs their behaviour is inappropriate or whatever just as they have also said in other posts that a problem is caused by AC or whatever.