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AIBU FOR CHOOSING BEST FRIEND

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stepstep96789 Tue 09-Jan-24 16:14:30

I am getting married this June and my brother is unable to make it because of a work trip his work said he has to go on and there is one other date the venue has available but my best friend who is my maid of honor won’t be able to do that date because she has a trip planned with her husband and children that she has had planned for over a year now.

Also just to clarify when I picked the date of my wedding my brother was originally available but got laid off of his other job and got a new job and this is non negotiable with his job.

Since those are the 2 dates the venue could do theoretically I could pick another venue but I already put down a huge deposit and have booked a ton of things already but I could always just eat the cash.

I am leaning towards picking the day my best friend can make it because I have been friends with her since we were 8 years old and I’m closer to her than to my brother plus we have sat and talked about being MOH in each others weddings since we were kids.

Also I FaceTime her once a week and we text nearly everyday. In other words I am much more involved in her daily life then my brother’s who of course I love since he is my brother and all.

However my mom is giving me a really hard time about choosing a friend over family. Despite that this friend and I have been friends for nearly 25 years and grew up together plus she is in my wedding and my brother isn’t so there another factor. To me the wedding party are your VIPs since they have a bigger role.

I explained to my mom family isn’t always blood and this isn’t some random friend of 2 years but my very best friend who I’m super close too and we grew up together and is like a sister but my mom is mad and keeps saying but your brother is family.

To me family can always be made and a very close best friend who is MOH is also important as well.

Besides dudes generally can care less about weddings and my brother told me he didn’t care either way.

AIBU for choosing to account my best friend instead of my brother?

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mumofmadboys Tue 09-Jan-24 16:22:57

No, you are not being unreasonable at all. Just tell your mum firmly your decision and apologise to your brother. Maybe when he starts the job there may be some leeway with requested days off and you are right most men aren't bothered too much by weddings anyway. Refuse to discuss it any further with your mum. Above all, have a lovely wedding and give your brother a framed print.

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NotSpaghetti Tue 09-Jan-24 16:32:51

I think I would move venue if need be if I had to choose.

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Germanshepherdsmum Tue 09-Jan-24 16:34:29

I agree with momb. Such a close friendship is very special.

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NotSpaghetti Tue 09-Jan-24 16:36:45

Can you have your friend by video link maybe?

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Theexwife Tue 09-Jan-24 17:09:09

Your mum is being unreasonable, it is your day and makes sense that you would choose your friend over your brother.

Why doesn’t your mum pester your brother to do something, his firm would cope if he was unable to work because of illness or a funeral so could manage without him for a day due to a wedding.

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Shelflife Tue 09-Jan-24 17:36:05

I sympathize with your Mum but am on your side . The venue and date is booked so stick to your guns. Your brother seems ok about it so in my view there is no problem. I fully understand why your Mum wants her son to be there , but he has changed his job and that is the reason he can't make it - not his fault but it is what it is. Planning a wedding is a stressful occupation and you can do without this !! and who knows , June is some way off and your brother may be able to sort it out. If not then so be it. Your dear friend is MOH and that should not be compromised. I am sure your brother would not expect you to change your plans just because he can't be there - with respect to your Mum neither should she! Please don't try and defend your position you should not have to do that. Have a wonderful June wedding, we married in June - 50 years this time !! I wish you every happiness. Go ahead with your plans, your Mum will come to terms with it . Good luck.

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Louella12 Tue 09-Jan-24 17:38:37

Have your friend.

Your brother will probably be grateful

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Smileless2012 Tue 09-Jan-24 17:40:47

Talk it over with your brother. If he's OK with your decision then your mum should be too.

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Shelflife Tue 09-Jan-24 17:43:49

Sound advice coming your way stepstep.

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