Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Well done again Smiles in opening the new thread, how many are we at now?

Enjoy your friends coming for lunch Smiles it will take your mind off your loss and cheer you up a bit.

Allsorts Had all the feral pigeons in my garden this morning as I put out some bird food, I put it out for 'snow white' the white pigeon that I love and her babies. Still put it down, asking where SW was, felt bad not to as they seemed very hungry.

I have 2 regular squirrels in my garden; onenut & twonut, called this as this is how many monkey nuts they can get in their little mouths .

Have a nice day everyone. Voting day today, so I have the evening off.

Hi Everyone! Squirrels - chilli flakes (big bags in Sainsburys) sprinkled on my raised beds and pots seem to be putting them off. I literally lost every tulip bulb last year to the local Squirrel Nutkins! 🙄

Thank you for the new thread Smileless, its a lifeline to many of us.
Anybody know how to deter hoards of starlings pinching my blackbirds food? 😬!!!

I would like to thank everyone on this thread who supported me 2 years ago. I was very ill with an inoperable brain condition and was subjected to abuse and threats of estrangement from my oldest daughter. It reached the point of me being seriously suicidal. I was referred to mental health and have been in therapy which has just finished.
Through this I have managed to distance myself from this daughter emotionally but still have contact due to the bond I have with my grandchildren.She recognises this and realised that they want me in their lives. I no longer feel that I need her validation for my life or that I should feel guilt for anything which she has deemed neglectful parenting. I am satisfied that throughout her life she has had unconditional love and care from me. Her father left when she was young and I have raised her and her younger sister alone.
I love her but don't like her due to the abuse I have received from her when I was at my most vulnerable in medical care.
Thank you ladies for your support through that difficult time. You are all special who deserve peace in your lives. Xx

Thankyou Smileless and everyone else for their kind words and sound advice, over the years.
I came here 11 years ago, I think🤔 when I was struggling with family relationships. My heart aches even now, when I remember that horrible time. Things are ok but not perfect. As recently as February of this year , there were issues, not surprisingly with the same branch of the family.
Walking on eggshells is the name of the game.
Thankyou all xx

Jaffacake, how lovely you came back and let us know how you are. I am so glad you received the help you needed and you have emerged stronger, long may it continue.
Crazy, glad you have got to a manageable period in your lufe after all the heartache.
I was estranged at that time, it was so painful and I could never trust my daughter again, she did damage that affected so many people. She is better living the life with her adopted family in it . ie.friends because as she said she chose them.

Thankyou Allsorts

Thank you, Smileless, for starting the new thread. I mostly lurk on here but l do appreciate the chats very much.
Seven years now that l have been estranged from my son. It will hurt for ever but will live my life as enjoyably as l can. I know the relationship will never get any better now.
With very best wishes to all on here.

Jaffa I remember your posts from ghat difficult time 2 years ago. I am so glad you have found a way through for you and that you still see your grandchildren.

Smiles thanks for starting the new thread while grieving for Pippin. Hopefully you and Mr S will remember all the silly ,funny things he did. But if he is like my brother and sister in law's dog he knew when you needed extra attention or just need to sit or lie by you . Aggie always knows when my sister in law is going to have a MS episode and goes by her and looks at her and even herded her to sit down before she falls.

You and Mr S will have lots of Pippin stories which will make you smile and laugh . My daughter's eldest has a photo of Aggie in his bedroom. The boys only meet her once when they came to stay for a few days . My youngest grandson terrified her so she hid under my sister in law's legs but he was a toddler and got over excited. While his brother took Aggie for a walk with his great uncle and held Aggie's lead all the way.

I have never wanted to be a pet owner but do love meeting friends dogs and strangers . If a dog comes to me I always ask the owner if I can stroke it. Funny enough I got over my fear of dogs after being attacked twice as a child for my son and daughter in law as they had 2 dogs . Glad I did over come my fear and even very big dogs don't frightened me .

Pippin and his sister gave you and Mr S everything you needed at the time of your estrangement. They and now his sister she gives you what your son can't not unconditional love ,comfort and understanding in a doggy way . Dogs and cats can give people what they need without strings attached that's why assistance dogs are so important for children and adults well being . The Brain Charity has several that help out at various groups they have . And I have friends with assistance dogs who help with practical things and moral support.

In a way Pippin and his sister assisted you both through your estrangement and think Joey does the same for Yogin . I know some have cats but they probably do the same thing. Funny enough none of my friends have cats just dogs .

As a none pet owner this is my take on pets which may be way off but it's how I see things.

I will let Babs now about your tribune to her Smiles. They are settling into their bungalow and very glad they moved . Even though it means not seeing Yogin and Joey who she misses . Mr B has more problems but he is still with her and she is coping with her families support. Her estranged daughter doesn't know they have moved as no need.

Lovely to see Madgran and Bridey still here.

Jaffacake glad you got the help you needed and still have contact with your grandchildren. At least your estranged daughter realises how much they need you and you them . Smiles and other long timers are always here for those you need them . Not just over estrangement but life in general. While estrangement can dominate our lives at first it doesn't define us. Well that's my take . Like you I don't like my son he is now a stranger to me . But I am no longer the mom he knew. I will always love him but the kind loving son I had for 32 years . He will be 39 this year . May sound hard hearted but I don't want to see him again. Yes I have 3 grandson's with him and daughter in law if they want to find when older it's up to them . But I don't think I could trust them . I do love them even the youngest who I don't even know his name or exact date of birth. But if they did find me then I will note hold back about their parents . My tolerance for their behaviour in 2020 was very low but after my final text to my son only the third contact in 2023 and abuse I got back sealed any tolerance I have for either of them. Once I make my mind up about something I stick to it. I will never forgive or forget the hurt my son and daughter in law have caused me ,and my brother and his family. My daughter was already done with the pair of them years before the estrangement but would never hurt me by telling me .

We all reach a point went we have to put ourselves first and give up on those who estranged us. I reached that point in 2023. I will never deny I have a son and 3 other grandsons. I don't regret having him . But if I had my HPX diagnosis before getting pregnant with him I wouldn't have had him . As I have found out via my HPX group that's what triggered my limb jerks for 32 years and the 4 bad seizures. Before my wonderful neurologist put me on Clonazepam and changed my life for the better by stopping them .

Thankfully the increase in the tablet he knew would control my arms he didn't know if it would help with my speech which thankfully it did. So back to my usual chatterbox self . After 14 months of not being my usual self. Didn't stop me doing things but just made life harder all because the stupid stroke neurologist told me it was a migraine when my cardiologist and my own neurologist said TIA.

crazyH sorry you are back to walking on egg shells . But lovely to hear from you . 11 years takes its toll on your health and can effect your self esteem. And like you said still makes your heart ache . But those who estrange it's their choice not ours. You didn't choose this path they did.

Hilltop 7 years sorry you are still hurting . Glad to hear from you . Been 6 years for me but it doesn't hurt me anymore not since 2023. My husband dieing hurts far worse than anything my son and daughter in law said or wrote.

The grief I still feel and it is getting worse as years go by over my husband dieing 22 years ago in February. I don't grieve over my son . My son choose his path. My husband didn't choose to die but he had to the cancer was to advance and he was in agony and couldn't breath even on full oxygen. So I had to tell him stop struggling we would be ok . He died few minutes after I always believe he was waiting for me to let him go . He was unconscious but nurses always said hearing is the last thing to go and to keep talking to him .

I know the old timers will still keep the support thread going and hope it will continue to help others and give people a safe haven for their estrangement. And no doubt we will be fighting trolls now the new thread has started. But they never win .

Back to my usual rambling self 🤣.

Take good care of yourselves.

Thanks for tip Madgran sorry to hear about your flowerbeds being eaten!

I get starlings too Birdey

Hello Jaffacake Good to hear you've managed to get your head around this estrangement journey we are all on and that your health is improved. Like you I bought up my 3 children without any help or financial from when they were 3,6,9. My 2 eldest AC are behind me 100% but the estD, who always only referred to her dad as the sperm donner has him in her life now as the best dad ever!!

Allsorts CrazyH & Hilltop xxx

Thanks for update on Babs Whiff you'll be seeing her shortly for your little holiday with her, hope you have a great time together, catching up.

Well today is my GD Laila's 16th birthday. I wonder when she will find out the truth of her past, that her dad is actually her stepdad, that made sure everyone that loved and adored her, and she us, her birth family, were cut out of her life in order to make sure he's son was the top dog in their family.

My estD will never understand the enormity of the pain she caused me, her mum that loved and adored her and her C.

Yogin a hard day for you . I have a friend my youngest friend she will be 16 in a couple of weeks and have seen her change from 13 year old into the confidence young woman she has become..She has battle health problems and starting a good college in September. Seeing her bloom into this young woman has been a joy . Her whole family are lovely .

Your granddaughter will eventually find out about her past especially once 18 . Plus kids are so computer literate they can access anything .

My son cut all his side of the family out of their lives . My grandsons will be 10,8&6 this year. Last time I saw the eldest 2 they where 4&2. Wouldn't recognise them now . I have always thought if they asked about family they have been told I am either dead or I don't care about them.

We are strangers and I would rather keep it that way .Sounds awful but I have moved on and my life is full. I love all the things I do . My daughter laughs that my grandsons and me have a better social life than she does .She always checks in advance if I am free for things . Usually see them once a fortnight.. But she checks on me everyday . Only days free this week is Sunday and Friday.

Seeing Babs and Mr B in August but like I told them don't expect to see them everyday . But I am looking forward to going to that area and exploring . When I change trains in London they I will need to go in a wheelchair as I won't be able to cope with the crowds and it will be the quickest way to get me to my next train.

Smiles I let Babs know about you quoting her. She has a virus at the moment just hope Mr B doesn't get it . But they are settling into their bungalow and happy they moved.

Anyway bedtime . Sweet dreams everyone.

Morning everyone, it's great to see so many contributions to the new thread.

It's lovely to see your post Jaffacake and to know that you're managing to maintain your relationship with your GC despite your D's behaviour.

I'm so pleased that you have managed to achieve that much needed emotional distance from her which will enable you to protect yourself from her abuse. There is never a 'good' time to be faced with such hostility but you couldn't have been in a worse physical and emotional place when she treated you so badly .

Hello crazy . It's good to know that you continue to manage those difficult family relationships but it can't be easy walking on eggshells in order to maintain equilibrium.

It seems that for some even when the estrangement is over, the fact that it happened remains the 'spectre at the feast'. I hope you can continue to any repercussions at bay .

Hilltop accepting how things are and that they will never change is never easy but necessary for us to be able to rebuild our lives. It's lovely to hear from you and to know that you're following the threads and enjoy our chats.

It's lovely to be told that these threads have been a lifeline Bridey; thank you for saying so and for popping on to say 'hello' .

These threads wouldn't be the same without your lovely rambles Whiff . Saying you're strangers doesn't sound awful because you are. We wouldn't know our GS's if they walked past us and we wouldn't know them either.

Our estranged children have become strangers to us too haven't they. They're not the people we thought they were and we've changed too. We had to in order to survive.

Goodness Yogin so Laila is 16; you must be wondering what she looks like now she's a young lady.

I have my dear friend here from Portsmouth for a few days so will be out and about. She has her Cockapoo Dolly with her which is company for Poppy who like us, misses little Pip.

We could never trust our ES again either Allsorts; once that's been lost it must be almost impossible to get it back .

Morning everyone, I hope you're all OK.

Been a busy few days here. My dearest friend came up from Portsmouth on Saturday and went home this morning. We had a great time browsing the shops and Poppy really enjoyed going out for walks with her cocka Dolly.

S's niece has a business making jewellery from ashes so she's taken half a teaspoon full back and I'm going to have a silver ring made; a band with a royal blue band in the middle which will contain Pip's ashes.

It will be a while before I get it as she'll bring it up the next time she visits which wont be until the Autumn.

Morning all, hope everyone's OK.

Mr. S.came back from a bike ride on Thursday having been forced off a narrow road by some idiot in a van coming toward him and driving too fast .

He stopped and asked him if he was OK and told another driver who'd been coming up behind Mr. S. who was also good enough to stop, that he fell off his bike after he'd gone past!!!

Thank goodness he's OK but his right arm's in quite a state and he has a nasty gash on his knee. His gloves which are beyond repair saved his hand from any significant damage.

This is the second time it's happened and I've told him that next time he sees someone coming toward him at speed on a narrow road, he's got to dismount.

He has an electric bike which is so heavy I can barely move it, so it's a good job it didn't land on top of him.

He's out on it at the moment but said he wont go off the site. I can understand him needing to get back on but will be happier when he's back.

He should have been taking part in a golfing competition this morning, but had to withdraw which is a shame as he did so well in the last one; there'll be others but it is a shame.

Smiles I am appalled at that driver's behaviour. Hope Mr S recovers soon. But he's back on his bike . I have 2 GN friends who I see once a month we had lunch trying out different restaurants. They live in towns either side of me . The one and her husband have electric bikes which they love riding but have to pick places without to much traffic. We are lucky here there are coastal paths that are for walkers and cyclists.

When you get the ring please post a picture of it . Lasting tribute to Pippin.

Today would have been our 45th wedding anniversary but not sad been laughing at all things that went wrong that day. It was hilarious some of the things. But it ended up a brilliant day full of love and laughter.

I have left the Wombles as you know it was a group I was member of and had good times with. Unfortunately don't know if this started at the plant swap a few weeks ago or had been going on for some time.

At the plant swap dogs where running around while we sat had tea and I made cake . 2 of the dogs hit a metal chair and startled me so my HPX kicked in and my limbs stiffen . I can still talk as I am conscious. There where people I hadn't meet before and once I could moved asked me if I was OK. So explained what happened.

I am sure it was Saturday last week had a text from one of the administrators asking to talk about my HBX as she called it when it's HPX. Then a phone could I meet her in the park. I said no if I was (excuse my language )in for a bollocking over some thing them had to come to my home. Then asked how many was coming it was 2 of them.

They came . Turns out people don't like me talking about my HPX as they know I am disabled. People have told them they don't want to sit by me and asked me to stop wearing my lanyard.

I pointed out if people ask me what's wrong I tell them . If people don't want to sit by me that's their problem . And I will not stop wearing my lanyard as its for my safety when out. I have a National Disability Card on a National Disability lanyard. Costs £20 for 2 years but you can get discounts from some shops. Plus on the back if a shop hasn't got a public loo I can use the staff one . If I collapse in the street or taken ill it has my photo, name and date of birth so easy to look up on NHS data base. Plus when I book assistant on the train or to a concert I am easy to spot.

They wouldn't tell me when or how many people have complained about me . They went . To be honest it was a cross between a cheesy rom com where they break up and want to do it in a public place in case one makes a fuss. But I made them come here.

Finger decided to hit wrong button . But like my cleaner said it was a passive form of bullying. Which at the time I didn't think of that I was just angry that people had gone to the adminstrors think there are 6 and they talked about and how to handle the complaints against me.

Must have been Saturday last week it happened because I text my sit fit teacher if we could have a private work before class. I have been going to the class 3 years and asked her as she has seen various states of my HPX and I wear my lanyard during class. If she had any problems with me . She just hugged me and asked why so told her . She was horrified anyone would treat me like that. I go to 2 other groups and they have no problems with me. During those classes I tend to sit by the same people .

Yesterday I did text the one who started the group to just find out how many people had complained about. Didn't have a nice text back . So I said I would leave but wished them well.

I told my daughter what had happened she couldn't believe they treated me as they did.

I had written about it on my HPX group last weekend and one of our American members found the Wombles and read there constitution. Even quoted parts and said what they did was against their constitution. And he is right.
There main am is to encourage community spirit. Seems it doesn't apply to me .

I know a lot about some of the members as they have told me things on confidence because they know I would understand and have helped some with their issues. But I would never betray them. Friends tell me I have the sort of face that people feel comfortable telling me things. Had random strangers ask if they can talk to me . If its something I don't have experience in I try and point them in the direction of who might help them . If its something I have first hand knowledge of then I talk to them .

I am not upset over just angry if someone has a problem with me then they should have the guts to tell me .

Anyway better topic going to Lancaster tomorrow for a 5 days holiday so looking forward to that. Already planned to go to Kendal and Morecambe via train different days of course. Lot of things I want to see in Lancaster. Supposed to rain all week but that wouldn't stop me doing what I want .
Anyway better sign off. Take care all. 🙂

Thats appalling Whiff and also illegal, how hurtful to be treated that way, maybe those who complained should be the ones to leave not you.
Anyway enjoy your holiday.
Sorry to hear about Mr.S Smileless, certainly some idiots on the road!
Lovely idea for Pips ashes.

Whiff This sounds like just a couple of people who are SUPPOSEDLY speaking for the whole group. Appalling rubbish they were talking as you know. Ignore them and if anything arises again I would suggest actually asking in the group if anyone has a problem with your disability! That will make them have to take responsibility for their unkindness and I suspect that will do them no favours! 💐

Smileless do post a picture of the ring when you get it. Would be nice to see it.
Hope Mr S is ok. Mr M got knocked off his bike by a driver several years ago and broke his collarbone; it was a narrow escape for him and could have been much worse. I now worry every time he goes out on his bike so I know just how you feel

Whiff, you must have felt ambushed by two people whom you thought of as friends, treating you in such a way, it was discrimination and illegal. You really are better out of it but I do hope they are taken to task for their behaviour. enjoy your holiday and obligatory ice creams.
Smileless, sure the ring will be a lasting reminder of dear pippin.

Whiff these people are ignorant and seem to like causing trouble. It's a shame the admin paid them any heed.

Yes what they have done is discrimitory and disgusting. Do you really want to spend your time with people like that?

I don't know who they think they are to be honest. They need each other as normal people probably avoid them. Hope you enjoy your break.