Excruciating experience - surprise birthday party

Those who have had unwanted surprise parties ARE grateful for the love we are given - but we shouldn't have to be grateful for the event.

People have said this again and again.
Please read the thread?

We know we are lucky. We still have people who love us.

Please accept that we can love the "arrangers" and be grateful to still be loved so much - but please don't keep insisting we have to be grateful for the parties!

I had friends arrange a surprise party for me, but luckily an informant (my daughter) told me, as she knew I would absolutely hate it.
I was surprised that my friends could possibly think I would enjoy it.

indispensableme

Goldieoldie15

Blimey, relax and be grateful. Such a lovely gesture. Appreciate and write up your gratitude journal

No-one should be bullied into 'feeling grateful' for something others know they would hate and would make them feel very uncomfortable. My family know that any surprise 'celebrations' or meals out with a clear fuss being made would have me walking out immediately. We're not all social butterflies.

Exactly. It's all very well people saying 'oh, you should be grateful' etc, but if they know you well, they should know you'd be uncomfortable in that sort of situation.

How irrelevant is that? Reported.

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It wasn't a party, but it was a surprise. I was on holiday in France with DS and family who had spent the afternoon canoeing. They decided I too should have a treat which was : a flight in a microlight! I'd never have thought of it myself but it was great fun, seeing the landscape unfold beneath the little craft, conversing with the pilot in my 'middling' French and his 'middling' English. I'd have gone again but it was getting dark. Surprises? Bring them on!

MayBee70

My worst nightmare would be a surprise trip in an air balloon. There is no way that they would get me in it!

It's a very over-rated experience, I did it in Egypt, it's like standing at an open window for an hour or so. Not sure what I expected but I found it very under-whelming.

Goldieoldie15

Blimey, relax and be grateful. Such a lovely gesture. Appreciate and write up your gratitude journal

No-one should be bullied into 'feeling grateful' for something others know they would hate and would make them feel very uncomfortable. My family know that any surprise 'celebrations' or meals out with a clear fuss being made would have me walking out immediately. We're not all social butterflies.

Forget it. It’s over. Move on.

Put it behind you but make it clear their are to be no more surprise parties, it was done with the best of intentions I’m sure.

You are right poppy it is quite difficult for the different personality types to understand each other.
It's like arranging a surprise party involving a lecture on stamp collecting when the person concerned hates stamps

I am an introvert my husband was an extrovert. I would loved to have had a surprise party for any of my big birthdays or anniversaries as they would have been organised with love and caring.

We only have one life and we have to live it to the full which means going places and doing things which make us uncomfortable but so what we are alive.

My HPX makes crowds and enclosed places kicks off my anxiety but so what I understand now what that feeling is thanks to finally having my diagnosis in 2022 and finding out I was born with hereditary neurological condition. And my brilliant neurologist gave me a tablet to stop my limb jerks and seizures after 32 years of them. Because of my HPX group I know feel normal not weird as I am not alone with this rare neurological condition.

Our loved ones do things because they want to show how much they love you and care about us . They can get it wrong but so can we. There are to many people who have no one . They never get a card or present for any occasion. So don't moan just realise how lucky you are to have loved ones who care.

That people care enough to go to the trouble of organising the event.

Conclusion - extroverts will never understand how us introverts feel about social situations!

Be grateful?? WHAT.??

My worst nightmare would be a surprise trip in an air balloon. There is no way that they would get me in it!

All you extroverts who just LOVE surprise parties - put yourself in PO's shoes and just try to think of something you would hate (say) a trip to the opera sung in Italian, or perhaps a trip in a hot air balloon, or a noisy rock festival - then imagine how you'd feel if you turned up inappropriately dressed as well as weary and tired.

You wouldn't be best pleased, and to be expected to be GRATEFUL too ..................... no no no.

Blimey, relax and be grateful. Such a lovely gesture. Appreciate and write up your gratitude journal

My 50th birthday celebrations went on for a month! It included flying on Concorde. I had a brilliant time and enjoyed each surprise as it came along!

You lucky people. I know it will never happen to me. I would be absolutely thrilled. Don’t care what I’m. Wearing. Plenty of time to change into something spectacular..

Pearly34 - how do you feel now after reading the different opinions?
Ive had similar experiences to you on two occasions. As an introvert, being the centre of attention is not what I would ever want - like you, I find it deeply embarrassing. I love people but cannot cope with crowds, parties, noise, fuss.

It seems to me that surprises work best if some serious research has happened to discover someone’s honest desires, or else it can be such a wasted effort.
A few months prior to my last big birthday, a friend made reference to there being several special occasions coming up in a particular social group I had been part of for two decades. I privately let her know that I didn’t want others even being aware of it, & definitely no cake/banners etc as had happened to me before when a sibling decided they knew better than my DH & made DD’s birthday party also mine 😡 (our birthdays are the same week).
As the date drew closer, my anxiety levels rocketed & I could not face being at any of the social gatherings, such was my fear of being ‘surprised’.
The next big date will be a special anniversary, DH & I have booked a holiday!!

I feel for you. My ex, note ex, decided, after I had specifically said I don't like surprises, to organise a surprise party for my 50th.
We had recently attended a surprise party, hence the conversation we had regarding the fact I do not like surprises.
On the Sunday morning of the "surprise" I woke up to, "get up we're going out". Wouldn't tell me where or why. I had no idea, as it wasn't my Birthday until Tuesday.
I needed a shower and hair wash, but we had to go out in half an hour, so a flannel was all I had time for, I threw on my old gardening clothes, rushed to hang the washing on the line (I put machine on timer overnight), grabbed my garden shoes and my gardening coat and got in the car, thinking maybe we were off to the garden centre to pick up the compost I needed.
Miles on, I am getting really cross, I don't feel good as I had been woken up and had to leap out of bed and run round getting things done. Eventually I am told we are meeting my brother and his girlfriend for lunch, so I said I would ring them and cancel. Mega row, we arrive at an hotel, and I see a couple of his friends getting out of their car. By this time I am really unhappy, to say the least, greasy hair, garden clothes and shoes. By the way, did I mention I can't cope with lots of people in a small space? I'm led into a tiny room where about 30 people are crowded into. About turn in tears, my cousin tried to placate me and all I wanted to do was go home. It was an absolute nightmare.
By the time I got home the decision was made and I moved out fairly soon after.

Carenza123

A shock - not what you wanted! But it was arranged with love and appreciation of you! How lovely. Count your blessings. Not everyone is so fortunate.

On my birthday I had no cards no presents and was alone. That's what happens when friends and family die.

From your post Pearly34 , it sounds like you are concentrating on the negatives regarding the party, when you should be concentrating on the positives . You have a husband and children who love and appreciate you and have planned this party for you. It takes a lot of work to organise a party , especially a surprise party. And being at your dds house , you had no clearing up . A big win in my book .
Yes your dh got it wrong , but did you expressly say no to a surprise party ? If not your loved ones aren’t mind readers .
I’d let it go and move on , life’s too short .

MayBee70, precisely that. I was as hormonal as all hell and coerced into doing something that had never even been discussed by us as a couple. It was doomed from the off and even thinking about that evening still makes my blood run cold.

My DGD and I share a birthday . Last summer DGD was 18 and I was 70 on the same day and my DD wanted to do a joint birthday party, but I persuaded her to leave me out of it which was not that easy as I live with them .
Daughter did a cocktail garden party for DGD and all her friends with lots of food , drinks and music afternoon /evening and I hid in my bedroom for most of the time with our timid dog who doesn’t like crowds or noise . It was a lovely day and I got lots of cards and gifts , party balloons and a lovely cake even though I didn’t attend 😂