To think this is weird?

Maybe they saw each other as friends rather than just employee & boss.

people are all different when it comes to a loved one, my partner died a couple of years ago, i did not want to see him in his coffin but his family wanted pictures and then told me how handsome he looked and asked if i wanted a copy of some, it was a very loud NO and he would have been so angry with them. no funeral for me just a pick up and get it over with, ashes in the garden. his have been split up and made into various things along with some clothing made into cushions...weird.

Farmgran when two of my grandkids daddy died they were 4 and 6 my daughter took professional advice and they both were asked if they wanted to see their Daddy, (he was Irish so in the house) they did and both kissed him bye bye they were also asked if they wanted to go to Daddy’s funeral explaining in simple terms what it was (again this was professional advice as they said just as you experience it children often think their mummy or daddy has left them on purpose and they are left looking for them and expecting them to return) They did come to the funeral it was hard but I think the right thing

Having had two deaths recently, I was quite happy for anyone to view them if they wanted to, and they did.
But I only went with my grandson to see his dad, my son, and be there for him.
I think it depends on the person/people bereaved.

Callistemon21

Perhaps it's frivolous (sorry kittylester) but it reminded me of the Stephanie Plum books. Grandma Mazur and friends used to meet up at the local funeral parlour
Grandma Mazur also frequents the local funeral parlors because they are the social centers of the neighborhood. She sometimes peeks underneath the casket lid to see the dead body, causing hysteria in the parlor.

I was thinking that too! The treatment after death is very different in other cultures and I would be aghast at having a body in my 'front parlour' as people used to do...or still do.
My first (and last) dead body I viewed was my stepfather and I really regret going. My mother insisted that my daughter should be allowed to go (she was 7) to take away the mystery of death. I ended up being a poor role model for her as I had to leave extremely quickly and I was obviously distressed.
I was there when my Grandad died and shortly after my Uncle (who I helped care for) died. It was easier as they were still warm and they looked just the same. However, I left almost immediately and didn't look back. That was good enough for me.

On a lighter note, we went to view DH's uncle (DH was next of kin) and the undertaker had combed his hair right back, think Dracula. DH had a word and said hairdo was quickly rearranged. We still laugh about it now; we know uncle would have found it funny too.

My elderly friend died last July. We couldn’t arrange her funeral as the undertaker she had pre-booked and pre-paid was on holiday.

I notified everyone in her address book.

One ex carer, who hadn’t cared for her for over 2 years, decided to take it upon herself to go and see her in the hospital mortuary. Without asking if anyone would mind, or asking permission from next of kin, which was myself.

I found out accidentally when a neighbour let it ‘slip’ and I was horrified.

My neighbour would have been mortified that she’d gone into the mortuary before she had been ‘dressed.’

I spoke to the mortuary, they said that ANYONE can make an appt to see a deceased person so long as they know the persons name, address and date of birth.

Very upsetting as she’d previously been quite mean to the old lady in the past. Turns out she’d made her way into her will. So upsetting

People are vile at times.

I'm glad that like me, you and your children found it a positive experience Commonground.

My views and experience seem to be very different from the majority of posters. My husband died in his late 40s, totally unexpectedly. He died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. My teenaged son and I were the only ones to see him there. He was wearing only his hi-vis work trousers and work boots. His chest was covered with monitors and there was dried vomit around his mouth. I'd have hated for that to be my last memory of him. The funeral directors were wonderful, making sure that when our children saw him he looked as he should. I asked for him not to be in a coffin, so he was on a hospital type trolley that had been covered with a sheet. The clothes I chose were jeans, a concert shirt and one of his favourite flannel shirts. His hair looked just as it always did and I made sure that he had on his glasses. Our children went to see him and were helped immensely by being able to say goodbye. Our youngest was twelve at the time. I find it hard to describe our visits to him as viewings.

I've seen three dead bodies in my lifetime. Once when I lived in South America as a child. I was on the school bus and there was a man in the middle of the road who had been run over. It was customary for anyone who "retrieved" him to pay for his funeral. So there he stayed. The second was my grandmother. I was 24 and was unsure. I went with my Mum and saw grandma in her coffin. I just remember thinking how tall she looked, having spent most of her life walking with a stoop. The third was a dear friend of mine and my partners. She'd been diagnosed with cancer the week before and died within four days of her diagnosis. We were on our way to see her but she died ten minutes before our arrival. We went to see her in her room. It was as if she was asleep. I take enormous comfort and closure than we got to see her one last time and tell her what an amazing friend she'd been, especially to my partner. Each to their own. For myself? I want everyone to throw a huge party, wear crazy colours and play Merry Hell as loud as possible.

biglouis

Like most of the posters here I have never been to view a dead person. Not even my grandmother whom I loved far more than I did my parents. I preferred to remember her as when I last saw her living - frail but still mentally alert.

The entire funerals scenario freaks me out. I never went to my grandmother's wake. I went straight from the graveside into work. She was an immensely practical woman. She would have approved of "just getting on" with everyday life when someone dies rather than moping about.

She always said that "Mourning is done in the heart and not in the garments."

Jesus said something similar (Matthew 8.22) when he called one of his disciples who wanted to attend a family funeral. "Let the dead bury their dead" or something like that. He was equating funeral rites with worldly show and vanity.

I think Jesus was saying the dead burying the dead were those dead to his Christian message, their souls were dead and nothing to do with funeral rites etc.

Why is that bothering you?

farmgran I was actually with my grandmother when she died. I was about 6 and remember it well. She just quietly slipped of her dining chair onto the floor.
My mother was in the kitchen and in I called out to her and was then immediately shut out - the ambulance arrived and just took her away.

I wasn't allowed to see her again. I still regret not having a chance to accept for myself that she was dead.

I too was excluded from the funeral - but was taken to the tea afterwards.
I wanted to go to the funeral.
It still feels "unfinished"

Smileless2012
Thinking of you.

I hadn't seen my mum for two years before she died due to a very difficult issue with my brother. The last time I saw her, she was in a terrible un kept state, so much so that I contacted Adult Social Services to intervene.

This totally destroyed my relationship with him but I've never regretted my decision because he wasn't caring for her properly and I had no other option. I never saw her again.

He didn't tell me when she was admitted to hospital and it was my cousin who 'phoned to tell me she'd died. It was left to me to arrange her funeral which he didn't attend.

I'd never had any intention of seeing someone once they'd died and when I was asked if I wanted too, I felt very conflicted. I explained how terrible she looked the last time I saw her and although I'd never met her before, I trusted the funeral director to tell me if she really believed that seeing her once they'd looked after her, would be a good thing.

I remember hesitating at the door to the room, Mr. S. was with me, and she asked if I was alright. I said, and it sounds like an awful thing to say, that I was scared.

When I saw her she looked beautiful, clean and at peace. They'd even painted her nails with a pale varnish because they'd noticed how I look after my own, and guessed there was a time when she'd been the same. They were right.

I'm so pleased that I saw her and the memory of how she looked the last time I saw her when she was alive, has been replaced with how she looked that day because that was how my mum always used to look.

My mother died suddenly when I was 9 and because I didn't see her I found it hard to believe she had died.
I didn't go to the funeral, I went to school which was probably normal in the fifties.

Both my parents died in their respective Nursing Homes and my immediate reaction when told of their deaths (I'd missed being their both times, although I was on my way) was that I needed to see them just to be sure. I don't think I'd have believed it otherwise, although it was expected. I was there pretty quickly so they both looked 'normal,' I wouldn't go to 'view' anyone once a Funeral Director had prepared them for viewing. Even the word 'viewing' makes me shudder. Each to their own though.

Celieanne86

As a retired funeral director I can tell you we have many requests to view the deceased person. It is not up to us to decide who does or doesn’t. All and any requests are passed on to the family it is their decision and theirs alone who should visit their loved one. Remember your friend as she was in life and the happy times you spent together.

I’m glad the family need to be consulted!

I seem to think open coffin is pretty usual in America?

BlueBelle - I suppose I'm not talking about "viewing" - I'm talking about "being with" - before the funeral directors are involved.

God Bless you , downtoearth -I can't begin to imagine the pain of having to identify your daughter .
I've seen my deceased elderly relatives after death and I found it totally harrowing .

I had to identufy my daughter,she looked as though she was asleep,I fully expected her to open her eyes and tell me it wasnt real and she was just pretending.
I saw my mum in hospital about an hour after she died,but her eyes where open the windows to her soul where empty.

I don’t think it’s anything to do with being squeamish notspaggetti I m not squeamish I ve seen dead bodies and washed them in my work but I haven’t ‘viewed’ any of my close family or anyone else (even that word feels wrong) but that’s just me yes it’s personal) the body has been made up and looks unreal and different I was with both my mum and dad as they died that was enough and I sat with my Nan in her bed after she had gone

But I think to some people maybe they need to see that the person has really gone to others I think they just follow what’s always been done

I come from an Irish background and remember as a child in Scotland seeing relatives lying in open coffins.

The one I refused to see as a child, was that of an uncle, who had been crushed and died in an accident down the pits. In my head, I imagined a mangled body.

When my FIL, whom I loved liked a father, died in A&E, I went into say my goodbyes to him.

Like most of the posters here I have never been to view a dead person. Not even my grandmother whom I loved far more than I did my parents. I preferred to remember her as when I last saw her living - frail but still mentally alert.

The entire funerals scenario freaks me out. I never went to my grandmother's wake. I went straight from the graveside into work. She was an immensely practical woman. She would have approved of "just getting on" with everyday life when someone dies rather than moping about.

She always said that "Mourning is done in the heart and not in the garments."

Jesus said something similar (Matthew 8.22) when he called one of his disciples who wanted to attend a family funeral. "Let the dead bury their dead" or something like that. He was equating funeral rites with worldly show and vanity.