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(25 Posts)
Lucyloo12 Sun 24-Mar-24 19:54:08

I'm having a feel sorry for myself moment. Yesterday my daughter told me she has invited my ex and wife for easter weekend (he is not her father) and I am not invited. I live quite close and I'm not to go wherever they are. I'm a bit upset as I've bought my grandchildren eggs and was looking forward to seeing them on easter Sunday. Now it's too late for me to make alternative arrangements for the weekend to keep out the way. I feel so upset at the prospect of nothing from Friday til Monday. I'm new to the area so don't have friends as backup. Feeling a bit low tbh.

Grams2five Sun 24-Mar-24 20:13:05

Did your daughter grow up with the ex acting as her father ? Whether he actually was or not? They’re obviously still close. I’d try to set up another day to see the grandkids and see what can still be worked out for yourself it’s still a week away. In the future try to get plans down earlier rather than assuming you’ll be invited. Perhaps friends may still
Have a spot for you, or there’s an event of nsome sort you could go to?

Bridgeit Sun 24-Mar-24 20:16:20

Sorry to read this, can you ask her if there is a suitable time to pop around with the eggs? Best wishes

Lucyloo12 Sun 24-Mar-24 20:18:02

No I dated him for 10 years.... she was mid 20s when I started seeing him. I assumed obviously incorrectly as I do have a big input with the children. That will teach me.

Theexwife Sun 24-Mar-24 20:28:09

I can understand why your daughter may not want you to be there with your ex and his wife, maybe it was the only time they could get together or it could be that you spend a lot of other times with them.

It really doesn’t matter to the children when they get their eggs from you. Could you do what you usually do over a weekend? Sad as it is for you, they cannot be expected to be your only social life.

Lucyloo12 Sun 24-Mar-24 20:48:03

It's the lateness of being told that is bothering me. I havnt long moved to this area. Had I been informed sooner I would have gone away. Since I moved here I have joined social groups to make friends but havnt managed any close friendships yet. Like I said I'm just feeling a bit lost and lonely I suppose.

M0nica Sun 24-Mar-24 20:55:56

There is plenty of time for you to plan an enjoyable Easter for yourself, even if you do not have many friends in the area.

Look online, on your local Facebook and find out about events locally, small ones, like village fetes. Then plan a luxurious day at home, pamper yourself, buy beautiful food and have a lovely time.

Redhead56 Sun 24-Mar-24 20:58:12

You probably see your DD and GC often most of the time. Look on the bright side he is your ex partner and interested in staying in touch with your family. It’s probably the only opportunity for a catch up because of work commitments etc.

Treat yourself at the weekend to something you wouldn’t usually buy like a nice meal. You could visit a garden centre and buy some plants to pot up ready for the summer. Your GC will gladly receive their Easter eggs late or not try not to dwell on it 💐

VioletSky Sun 24-Mar-24 21:29:18

The children will have holiday time!

Make plans another day, maybe arrange a little Easter egg hunt or make some Easter cakes with them

The actual day doesn't matter at all, don't worry

Grandmadinosaur Sun 24-Mar-24 21:29:49

I would ask your daughter if you can see her and your grandchildren at some point over the weekend for a couple of hours and to give them your gifts. Even though she has these visitors surely they won’t be together 24/7 and can manage to see you.
I hope you can sort something it and I do know what it’s like not to see your GC over Easter as it happened to us a couple of years ago.

flappergirl Sun 24-Mar-24 21:39:08

So your daughter was in her mid twenties when you started dating this man and he was "only" in her life for 10 years? I do find it a little odd that she is prioritising him over you, especially as he now has a wife. Also, inviting them both for the whole weekend, not just Sunday lunch, seems rather excessive.

You say you are new to the area, so I assume you moved to be near your daughter. Who's idea was that? How do you generally get on with her and does she often entertain your ex and his wife?

I think more context is needed.

62Granny Sun 24-Mar-24 21:39:45

I am sorry your DD, has left you feeling like this💐 , did you move to the area to be nearer them, perhaps helping out with babysitting, you must be feeling very rejected. I know she has left late to tell you but could not contact a friend from your former area and go and visit them.
If not you should tell her that you are disappointed you won't be seeing her and the GC over Easter holiday ,but you are not going to stay inside just to avoid everyone, if your Ex and his new wife can't be grown up enough to say hello if you should bump into them, which I am sure you won't go out of your way to do, then that is their problem not yours.

Lucyloo12 Sun 24-Mar-24 21:59:55

I'm looking up things to do in my area, most is family events. Hoping the weather is OK for a walk. Quite like the idea of buying something nice for lunch.... I'm on a diet which will make it even nicer! Family life used to be so easy, can't believe how much I struggle now.

crazyH Sun 24-Mar-24 22:05:21

Lucyloo - it’s hard, isn’t it? I usually go my middle son’s for Easter Lunch, but they have decided to go away. However, they are having lunch on Good Friday 😂- it will be fish ofcourse. I have a daughter and another son , in the same town, so I hope one of them will invite me for Easter Sunday. My Ex and his wife are also in the picture 😫

Feelingmyage55 Mon 25-Mar-24 00:03:48

Could you invite your daughter and grandchildren to pop in on the Thursday?
Maybe go to a church service; there will be several to choose from.
Suggest meeting an acquaintance somewhere for coffee.
Sometimes we have to do the inviting.
If you are doing a lot of childcare it would be good for your daughter to see you busy with other things.
I wish you a happy Easter nonetheless and send you a virtual chocolate egg.

Grammaretto Mon 25-Mar-24 06:40:58

I have very low expectations when it comes to family events so that I avoid disappointment 😞

I can see how you must be feeling. Your DD is probably excited to be offered a weekend away!

I hope there is something nice for you to do and you can deliver EEs at another time. Try to be happy for them.

Cabbie21 Mon 25-Mar-24 07:52:05

These special days can be tricky. I had invited my daughter and family but nothing had been firmed up. Now she tells me the teenage grandchildren won’t be around ( working) and her husband has invited his parents. I am invited too, but I thought it would be nice to cook for them for once and to get my best china out!

eazybee Mon 25-Mar-24 07:55:25

What does the phrase "I live quite close and I'm not to go wherever they are" mean? Are you under house arrest?

I agree that banning you for the whole four days seems excessive.

Imarocker Mon 25-Mar-24 08:03:59

I have always disliked the Easter weekend. I used to volunteer to cover the office if I could. We went away one year and discovered there was absolutely nothing to do on Easter Sunday as everything is closed. DH usually says the roads will be too busy so we never go out. My daughter booked to take me to the Ideal Home Exhibition on Sunday this year simply because she knows how I feel. We do have the family coming for lunch on Monday, but that is definitely a first.

tanith Mon 25-Mar-24 09:02:30

I spend a lot of holiday times on my own and honestly I don’t mind. I plan to see the smaller GC on any day the family don’t already have plans. They all have busy lives some working on holiday days so I see no point in trying to organise get togethers, it sometimes happens like Mother’s Day being on my daughters birthday this year and most of them were free so we had a lovely meal out.
I’m happy seeing them have friends also with young children which I would find exhausting, I no longer enjoy hosting or cooking much so it works out fine for everybody. They don’t feel guilty and I don’t feel I’m left out as it’s my choice to join in if I want.

Smileless2012 Mon 25-Mar-24 09:09:06

I'm sorry you're upset and disappointed Lucyloo. Unless you have a full itinerary of their plans for the weekend it's going to be impossible for you to keep out of way, and why should you?
Your home is there now and your ex and his wife will know your proximity to your D.

I suggest you ask your D when you'll be able to give your GC their Easter eggs and then as others have suggested, make plans for you and treat yourself to something nice to eat over the weekend flowers.

Grammaretto Mon 25-Mar-24 09:16:15

Sorry I misread your post and thought DD was going to stay with your Ex
No it does seem strange that you can't pop by to see the DGC.
Families eh?
Do you have any other family members or friend you could invite to keep you company?

luluaugust Mon 25-Mar-24 09:39:37

I am sorry, particularly since you have so recently moved to be near them. I am afraid pride would keep me well away from them all. How about a National Trust property, a friend of mine who was on her own always enjoyed good walks and a nice lunch. Perhaps if you felt able Easter Sunday service, the old grannies used to reckon church was a good way to get to know people.
I must admit I am wondering why your DD has done this, were they exceptionally close?
Take care and I hope you can make the most of your weekend.

Mamasperspective Sat 30-Mar-24 20:33:23

Were you initially told you were invited? I would never just assume and try to make your own plans anyway unless an invite has been extended. Sounds like you could do with maybe joining some clubs or taking up a hobby to expand your social circle?

zakouma66 Sat 30-Mar-24 20:55:06

Mmm, tricky one if you've recently moved. It can be a long haul alone. I wonder if there is aything like a craft fair or market nearby to visit?