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AIBU

AIBU to consider writing them out of my will.

(49 Posts)
HowNowBrownCow Sat 30-Mar-24 15:54:31

A family member (40’s) mentioned that they were selling one of their properties to their relative (not related to me, 20’s first time buyer) who expressed an interest in buying the property. Long story short a price was agreed based upon a recent valuation with an allowance in the FTB’s favour as the seller would be saved estate agents fees.
The excited at the prospect of independence FTB sought financial advice to apply for a mortgage which was affordable. The seller then came back saying that they had been advised to put it on the market to test the water which they did, low and behold an offer was made well over the asking price which is typical for our area and the FTB was asked to match it or lose out. FTB couldn’t afford to match it so they were forced out of the equation and now cannot buy as prices continue to rise.
The family member (40’s) stands to inherit considerably from me but AIBU to not include them in my will because I really do not agree with the way the FTB was treated? I believe that we all need a leg up and I indeed gave the seller a leg up when they were starting out. WWYD?

Germanshepherdsmum Sat 30-Mar-24 16:05:17

I think that’s rather an extreme reaction to someone not wanting to sell their house for less than the market value. Obviously the advice to test the market was good advice.

pascal30 Sat 30-Mar-24 16:06:29

some people are just greedy. He could have been generous and loving but chose money instead.. very sad and salutory for you to witness

aggie Sat 30-Mar-24 16:09:57

Could you have given the buyer a “.leg up “
Better giving it now than when you are dead

Ilovecheese Sat 30-Mar-24 16:13:04

I can see your reasoning. If you decide to cut them out, tell them why.

Vito Sat 30-Mar-24 16:13:11

They agreed the price, then avarice reared it's very ugly head . I would be extremely angry and upset, let the relative know how you feel and see what they have to say. Make your decision on that.

Theexwife Sat 30-Mar-24 16:20:54

They may not inherit anyway, they could die before you or you could have very expensive long term care fees.

Is the seller wealthy? If not why would he sell for a lot less just because he may inherit from you.

You are not being unreasonable in that you can leave your money to whom you want to but it is unreasonable to leave it only if people do as you want and not simply because of who they are.

JaneJudge Sat 30-Mar-24 16:24:42

two wrongs don't make a right

HowNowBrownCow Sat 30-Mar-24 16:45:57

The seller is wealthy, high income, £1.3m house, privately educated children plus many investment properties, several holidays a year type wealthy.

foxie48 Sat 30-Mar-24 17:05:05

I think you can leave your money to whomsoever you like. Your relative doesn't need your money so why not leave it to someone who does?

Smileless2012 Sat 30-Mar-24 17:09:26

Leave something personal as a gift of you decide not to make a financial bequest.

Germanshepherdsmum Sat 30-Mar-24 17:17:21

Those properties might, of course, be mortgaged to the hilt to maintain the lifestyle you describe. It’s possible they could not afford to sell for less than market value- only they know their true financial situation. Appearances can be deceptive. If this relative really doesn’t need your money why not leave it to charity?

Delila Sat 30-Mar-24 17:25:04

It’s not simply a case of the seller not wanting to sell their property for less than the market value. He’d agreed a sale to the FTB, and at a price which allowed for the saving in estate agency fees, based on a recent valuation. Morally, the sale should have gone ahead as agreed.

I agree with HowNowBrownCow that this was a dishonourable decision, and I would tell the vendor, a relative, how I felt about it. I would then base decisions about my will on his response, not necessarily taking things as far as disinheriting him.

The young purchaser has been badly let down.

Oreo Sat 30-Mar-24 17:49:08

pascal30

some people are just greedy. He could have been generous and loving but chose money instead.. very sad and salutory for you to witness

I agree.
It would make me think twice about what the family member would inherit from me.

Skydancer Sat 30-Mar-24 17:49:39

Why leave any money to someone who is incredibly wealthy unless perhaps they are your own children? If I had no children I would not consider leaving anything to distant relatives but would give to local charities. I have a very wealthy friend who is childless and has few friends. She is leaving money to someone who is barely a friend because she lacks the imagination to do anything else. I support various charities in a modest way and would love to give much more.

zakouma66 Sat 30-Mar-24 17:55:34

How absolutely horrible. The greed. I suggest leaving it to somebody who will use it well for Humanitarian purposes.

Hithere Sat 30-Mar-24 17:56:13

Depending on the difference of price (market vs family) - it could be a factor

A pp mentioned it - what a person seems to own is not a measure of wealth

How hard did these wealthy relatives have to work for their money?

Nobody owns anybody a first time buyer "easier" experience

Bottom line - not your circus, not your monkeys

You can do with your money what you want, with your actions - there are also consequences

Hithere Sat 30-Mar-24 17:56:57

Owes, not owns

welbeck Sat 30-Mar-24 18:06:20

you could leave some to the greedy relative, less than you originally intended, and the rest to the gazumped FTB.

eazybee Sat 30-Mar-24 18:20:06

This is like a Victorian melodrama.
Give/lend some money to the buyers if it annoys you so much.

Faierynan Sat 30-Mar-24 18:22:07

I wouldn't leave your wealthy relative a penny. So many other more worthy causes. What about local children's charities

Callistemon21 Sat 30-Mar-24 18:32:26

HowNowBrownCow

The seller is wealthy, high income, £1.3m house, privately educated children plus many investment properties, several holidays a year type wealthy.

£1.3m house

So this first-time buyer, in their 20s, was in a position to buy a £1.3 million house, albeit at a small discount to allow for estate agents' fees?

I find that hard to believe, frankly.

Callistemon21 Sat 30-Mar-24 18:37:37

WWYD? Probably re-write my will.
Some helpful links:

www.battersea.org.uk/support-us/legacies-memory/free-will-writing-services
www.cats.org.uk/support-us/giftsinwills/free-charity-will-writing-service?utm_source=Google&utm_medium=PPC&utm_campaign=Free%20Wills&utm_term=GPPC&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI6LafqNCchQMVn5FQBh1C_QKfEAAYASAAEgJZRvD_BwE
www.rspca.org.uk/getinvolved/donate/legacy/freewill

Delila Sat 30-Mar-24 18:38:49

callistemon, I think the OP means the vendor’s own house is worth £1.3 million, as he’s selling “one” of his properties.

Callistemon21 Sat 30-Mar-24 18:43:36

Delila

*callistemon*, I think the OP means the vendor’s own house is worth £1.3 million, as he’s selling “one” of his properties.

Oh, I see.
He doesn't sound as if he needs an inheritance so my links may be helpful 🙂