Is this rude or just me.

If I'd driven 30 miles to drop something off, I'd at least want to pop in to use the toilet before I set off for home again! 😬

You are so right Smileless.

I’m finding it difficult to believe the level of acceptance from some Gransnetters that not even inviting the grandparents in and offering a simple cup of tea is completely acceptable and normal. It really isn’t!

My sons call in at my house without even letting us know they’re coming, and guess what, we make them welcome, offer drinks, and chat. We’re glad they want to come. My parents and parents in law visited often, and stayed over for several nights as they came from 240 miles away. That don’t come now as they’ve died.

My m.i.l. lived a 10 minute car drive from our old house, and if she arrived to drop off Easter eggs for the boys, she'd have been invited in even if I wasn't expecting her and Mr. S. and the boys were out.

Good manners cost nothing

Not only is a sixty mile round trip a long way to drop something off, particularly a card, ever heard of a stamp? But many Gransnetters appear to have very low expectations from their adult children these days. Obviously many did not teach them any manners. Mine would never behave like that, and we’re really not special, just pretty normal.
I travel to New Zealand to see my daughter and to the next county to see my son, and have travelled 240 miles to see my parents regularly all through my adult life, so it’s not that I think travel is unusual, but I would never leave a relative standing on my step after a thirty mile journey. My husband often observes that people have few manners these days; I’m beginning to see that he’s right!

Cressy

30 mile trip to deliver a gift at an agreed time to family and you were left on the doorstep!!!! Not sure anyone would think this was normal tbh even if they were just ‘dropping’ them off. However if relationships were already strained then the son should have discussed this with his mother beforehand so that she knew what to expect before driving that distance.

If someone told me they were dripping something off I’d assume they were also doing other things. If they chose to drive that far to “drop
Off” that’s their choice.

A 60 mile round-trip isn't a big deal if it's really important to you.
It's a long way if you don't want to do it!

MissAdventure

I suggest the op drafts an official letter and a runs it by a proof reader next time.

I agree MissA, or perhaps she could employ a Personal Assistant to ensure she gets the wording just right, with not so much as a wrong syllable in future.

And of course it’s completely normal and an everyday event to drive thirty miles one way, and thirty miles back, making a round trip of sixty miles, to drop off some chocolate or a letter! Whatever is she making a fuss about? Sixty mile round trip to drop off chocolate, bah, it’s nothing!

To be honest, I realised yesterday that I have driven this distance just to put a card through a letter box - and my husband did the same to drop something off about a month ago.

30 miles, depending on roads, can be less than half an hour on a good run... admittedly wouldn't go 30 miles to drop something off across London in the rush hour! I did drive Manchester to London and back once overnight with a job application which had to be in by 9am though.

And some of us like driving anyway..

I suggest the op drafts an official letter and a runs it by a proof reader next time.

Bopeep14

I rung my son and asked what day it would be ok to drop the eggs off, he said today. So i assumed it was ok. I would never go to his house without letting him know.

Aaah! You asked to drop off the child's Easter eggs. You did not ask to stay and make a visit of it!!
Maybe your DS & DiL thought that was all you wanted to do!
Be clear next time that you'd like to go in and make it a proper visit, maybe have drinks and a snack and spend time with them!!

BlueBelle

It seems you ve been posting about in law problems since 2018

You'd think she'd be used yo them by now, or would have tried to sort things out and make them better!

Why do people have to take things so literally? What does the exact wording matter - for all we know the OP may be giving us the abbreviated version of what she said. But whatever, aren’t we capable of understanding the underlying intention of driving over to drop Easter eggs off for the grandchildren?

Even if there are tensions, surely a kind gesture can be recognised for what it is and responded to more politely. than it was

30 mile trip to deliver a gift at an agreed time to family and you were left on the doorstep!!!! Not sure anyone would think this was normal tbh even if they were just ‘dropping’ them off. However if relationships were already strained then the son should have discussed this with his mother beforehand so that she knew what to expect before driving that distance.

They came thirty miles.
Why do we excuse this type of rudeness?
Anyone with the slightest amount of manners about them would invite them in for a cup of tea. They weren’t coming to stay, they were bringing Easter eggs.

1) Invite them in
2) Call husband and child
3) Offer tea/coffee
4) Share drink and conversation for half an hour or so
5) GPs leave (if they don’t and parents want them to they make excuses that they have somewhere to go)
6) GPs leave

Job done.
Even better, no one is upset or offended.

Do I have this worked out correctly?

You rung and asked your son what day it would be ok to drop the eggs off, he said today. Correct? We didn't even get to see our grandchild our dil came to the door and just said thank you. I have no idea where my son and grandchild were maybe they were out although i doubt it as it was pouring down with rain and his car was on the drive.

Well, it seems to me you asked to drop off eggs, you did drop off eggs. Your Son didn't greet you, your dil said thank you. I doubt your dil knew you were invading, you've a son problem. Don't blame your dil for poor communication, she didn't self invite, she answered the door and politely said 'thank you'.

maddyone

MissAdventure

Take a flask

😁

As the old song goes: "If I knew you were comin' I'd've baked a cake"

Come in!
Well, well, well. Look who's here.
I haven't seen you in many a year.
If I knew you were comin' I'd've baked a cake, baked a cake, baked a cake
If I knew you were comin' I'd've baked a cake
Howdya do, howdya do, howdya do?

Had you dropped me a letter, I'd a-hired a band, grandest band in the land
Had you dropped me a letter, I'd a-hired a band
And spread the welcome mat for you
Oh, I don't know where you came from
'Cause I don't know where you've been
But it really doesn't matter
Grab a chair and fill your platter
And dig, dig, dig right in

That's more of a welcome 🙂

we can't judge whether it was rude or nit, because we don't know what was said in the original conversation when you made the arrangement. It doesn't sound as though you are close to them so if you said 'is it OK to drop off some eggs' then not rude IMO,however if you said 'we'd like to bring over some eggs to give to the children' and that was agreed with, then definitely rude. Only you know how it was actually phrased..

If someone said they were dropping something off. I'd assume that is what they meant and were on route somewhere else...

if they said they were popping in, I'd expect it to be a quick visit

I think maybe this needed clearer communication, between you and son and then between son and DIL... I don't think she knew you were coming and probably didn't have a house ready for guests... Sometimes this is because people are house proud and sometimes this is because they feel judged

BlueBelle

But it’s the sons problem MissA we don’t even know if the daughter in law knew about the visit The poster rang the son and he said yes to the visit but was missing when they arrived It was very rude but not necessarily the daughter in laws that was rude

Of course she was rude.
There’s no excuse.
I’m glad my children are more polite than the DiL.

MissAdventure

Take a flask

MissAdventure

It's plain rude.
If someone nips in from over the road, it's polite to offer a cuppa, let alone a 60 mile round trip.

I would hate to think I'd instilled such bad manners into my children, (if I had them)

I don't understand why everyone is going out of their way to excuse it.

Me neither.
The DiL was inexcusably rude.
I would have offered a cup of tea at least, knowing they had come thirty miles.
Unspeakable rudeness, and being excused!

Sorry just read previous posts. Sounds like your son failed to communicate with his wife. If you have a positive relationship with DIL, there's no reason for you not to be asked in, if you don't have a positive relationship with her, there's your answer

Did you ask if it was ok to visit or just inform them that you would be?

What if in the distant past your daughter in law had told you her family were breaking all ties with you. Just asking.

Round here, if you drop something off or call by with a message, you say” I’m not stopping”….but if someone stands on the doorstep with a gift, of course you invite them in, even if just for a few moments.