Husband doesn’t stop talking…

It’s a tricky one, but I would let him drone on OP and carry on zoning out, otherwise he would feel very hurt at the suggestion of belting up!

I’m a person who likes my own space and I do not like constant chatter. I think we as a couple get the balance right most of the time but if we have a disagreement my dh sulks. He won’t speak at all it’s childish and to be honest I miss him talking to me.

It's early days Lottidot for both of you. Retirement is a seismic shift in lifestyle after decades of working. You're getting to know each other again.

Give it time (and drop enough hints) and I'm sure you will settle into a rhythm. Enjoy your well earned retirement.

On the issue of widowhood. It's been 8 years for me and my heart goes out to others on here.

zakouma66

I honestly don't think its helpful to guilt trip people with some sort of grief olympics.

Retirement can bring challenges as can loss.

My post was in no way intended to be a ‘guilt trip’. I was under the impression that this is a public forum where we share our opinions and experiences. Sorry if sharing mine caused offence.
By the way, your dig about ‘grief olympics’ was uncalled for and unpleasant.

Whiff💔💐

I'm someone who cherishes silence.. so you could take up
meditation to ensure you get a couple of hours,(make a special sitting place in a spare room) You could also do this with writing,sewing or art work.. It's really about negotiating retirement and all this extra time.. for him as well as you..

Or you could gently tell him you would like some peace for a while each day, or find a local Men's Shed for him to join, or suggest he goes to the pub or you could start activities yourself outside your home..

I really think it makes sense to talk to him about how you are feeling to find a solution that works for you both..

My dear mum used to prattle on and my dad developed selective deafness, tuning her out most of the time interspersed with the occasional “yes dear”
With hindsight I feel sorry for them both- mum needed to communicate , dad didn’t.

OH I do understand and feel sorry for you. My husband retired in 2019 and I really miss the peace and quiet and freedom. He has an answer for everything and very opinionated. Last night he really hurt my feeling by what he called a throw away statement. He talks over me. Sometimes I feel belittled by him especially when we are out. I never go shopping with him now. Yet he was so helpful after my hysterectomy in January. I go off into the conservatory and do my crafts. Sending you love, hugs and patience.

I think it's difficult for some people to understand that some people need some quiet time, I wouldnt be able to function like this, there needs to be a compromise.

Well, I have a problem with DH of Aphasia, Vascular Dementia and Alzheimers after a stroke 6 years ago. So when he has is occasional flashes of reality I have to tune in to whatever he is trying to communicate. Believe me this needs tons of concentration and patience. Many times I don't get to the nub of what he is trying to say so frustration reigns.

I too found the 'grief olympics' comment uncalled for.

Sorry Whiff

I had one partner who talked far too much. At that time, I developed a habit of listening to music or radio through headphones - oh, and frequently moving from room to room, garden, short walks etc. He'd have to trail after me, tap me on the shoulder and gesture to remove the earphones, just to say something. I'd show little interest, yawn - and get the headphones back on.

Hetty58

I had one partner who talked far too much. At that time, I developed a habit of listening to music or radio through headphones - oh, and frequently moving from room to room, garden, short walks etc. He'd have to trail after me, tap me on the shoulder and gesture to remove the earphones, just to say something. I'd show little interest, yawn - and get the headphones back on.

😂😂😂

It is early days into retirement for you both.
It seems to me you would both benefit by having your own space. This could be another room in the house for one of you to listen to music or to pursue a hobby. Or outside the house- garden, shed, garage. Or away from home, by finding different interest groups. Do you have a u3a? Or WI? Or groups that meet at a church or library?
Time spent apart means less time for talking. If you have more to talk about when you get home, your DH won’t have so much chance to fill the gaps.

My DH and I are similar in our chatter .
However I have a friend who talks nonstop, she hates silence and has to inject something into the conversation.
I admit I do zone out after a while, but I don’t want to upset her .
A few times she’s complained about not being able to get a word in edgeways with other people , which makes me chuckle .

I agree with KATE 1949. " grief Olympics" is a crass and insensitive thing to say.
Some people have no filter !!

But some people also need to understand that not all of us have or had marriages that were perfect and sometimes we need to be able to ask for advice or help anonymously without just being told that we’re lucky to have a husband or partner, especially if we have no one in the real world to confide in. Being in an unhappy relationship is a very lonely place.

Yes I aree it is perfectly reasonable to talk about issues in a marriage.

I talk too much, and my husband probably gets fed up about it (but doesn't usually say so). We have our own friends and have time apart, but I like to chat, and my husband doesn't feel the need to fill any silence. It drives me mad that he doesn't talk, but we can't all be the same.

I talk too much socially because I get nervous. However, if I am talking with people who seem far more interested in what I have to say my partner seems to get annoyed and diverts the conversation back to himself. I’ve confronted him with it but he denies that it happens (but it does).

You always strike me as confident when you chat online Maybee, I mean that in a good way.
I would be quite watchful of what you are describing there with your partner.

On the basis of the thread I've just told husband I'll try to ignore all his irritating habits (not that many fortunately) in case he dies first. It met with a delightful guffaw and a "good a luck with that". Not sure how to take that, rather irritating.

I’m sure that the vast majority of posters who still have their OH value them and are grateful to still have them around, and will be devastated when they lose them; and will also feel for those who have already lost their dear partner.

However, it is human nature for every single one of us to have our foibles which may, at times, irritate our OH. Posters coming here to express an irritation and seek advice about resolving it is fair enough and they shouldn’t be berated for doing so or be made to feel in some way ungrateful because they have these niggles and seek advice.

I think, Lottidot that you and your DH are probably still negotiating his recent retirement (8 months isn’t very long). It’s an adjustment for both of you. ( My DH has been retired almost 2 years, and I’d say we are still adjusting to a degree).

You don’t actually say, but if you’ve been at home on your own for some time before his retirement, then just getting used to him being around all the time takes a while to get used to for both of you.

Is there another room you can take yourself off to occasionally?

Has your DH got any outside interests that you can encourage him to become more involved with (or for that matter, have you)?

This, perhaps would help you not to notice his chatter so much when you are together, because you’ll both have things to chat about, and you’ll both have had a few hours to yourselves, following your own interests.

Can we swap? I have a husband who hardly speaks.

Lottiedot. I had to comment about you moaning about your husband's talking . When my parents where both retired they both said they never knew how they had time to go to work . They filled every minute being together and my mom was glad when my dad died. Because they had time to be together and do things they wanted. It wasn't things that cost a lot of money but quality time together.

The person who said "grief Olympics" that was uncalled for . Don't know if you are married or have a partner or live on your own . If you are lucky enough to find the other half of yourself and they die then I hope you remember what you said . If you have never found the other half of yourself yet I hope you do as there is nothing more precious than that bond . I know some people who never find the other half of themselves and now feel they are to old to. But feel the lost of never having what I had with my husband all be it cut short.

I here by award all the widows here gold medals . Some haven't said they are widows but I recognise some of the names who are.

I talk out loud to my husband everyday and have done since he died I have shouted ,swore ,blamed him for things but it gives me comfort and then I see him with that stupid grin on his face as if to say feel better now.

Retirement especially for some men and some women they feel they lose their identity. They go from being a member of a work force who feel they contribute not only to the company they work for but also to their family. They then go through a kind of grief where they have to find a new role . They are used to talking at work so they carry on at home . And it can take years for them to find their new place in the world. I think for men it's harder as those born in the 50,early 60's or earlier have the mind set of being the bread winner . Then suddenly they aren't. They have to find a new role and where they fit in the world. Talking a lot is probably their way of filling the hole left from being at work and used to talking to colleagues.

Women find it easier to adjust to different circumstances as we have to do it all our whole lives . But not saying all men but at lot find it hard to adjust and have to find a new fit and who they are now. And talking a lot fills that void.

My best friends husband was going to retire at 65 but couldn't face it ,then decided to retire at 68 again couldn't face it and continued to work until he suddenly died aged 71 he was still working . My friend now wishes she had insisted he retired at 65. As they never got time to do all the things they had planned to do together in their retirement.

Embrace your husband's talking as the silence is deafening when they die.