I'm far too sensitive

M0nica

Dare I ask, are you really an empath - or are you someone who sees off tones and push offs in the most innocent remark?

I had an uncle who could see negative remarks and put downs in the most innocent of remarks. It made conversation very difficult.

I have also, myself, assumed someone was saying something upsetting to me,when, when I went back over the message later realised I had got it completely wrong.

I do wonder how far someone like the OP is an empath, and how much someone who suffers from lack of self-esteem and sees put downs and negative attitudes in what other people do or say, or messages, because that is what their lack of self esteem leads them to expect. Were they to assume that there is no reason why anyone should put them down, therefore any supposedly off message is the result of them choosing to interpete the message that way, life would be much better and yhey would discover thta they were not as empathetic as they think.

This. reading stuff into stuff is not being an empath.

As a fellow Empath, I feel we are a vessel for all emotions. Do we do it to ourselves? I don't really know. Is it in our DNA? I don't know that either. I struggle with this too and the best thing I have done for myself, is sit down and write a message to myself about how I feel and what I feel like sending back to the person. Then I toss the message out and erase it from my mind. Its a form of discipline but as I age I find I can't keep letting these feelings consume me. I am down to 1 day now. 1 day of thinking about, and acting upon my reactions, and feelings before letting it go.

RosiesMaw Very neatly summarised!

There’s sensitive - for instance to the feelings of others and there’s over-sensitive

I’m the same but I suffer with anxiety. Maybe you have some anxiety at the moment and it’s exaggerating these feelings

I agree most of all with Petra and MissAdventure on this thread. When people self-identify as an empath or extra sensitive it is if everyone else cannot possibly understand what others are going through or how they themselves feel about it as they don't have this extra special part of their makeup. They make it all about them and their hurt feelings and how theyreact to a dreadful event. In the same way that l have found that the most tactless people require one to be extra diplomatic, people who tell everyone how sensitive they are tend not to think about other people's very valid feelings, just their own reactions to them. I think that one of the worst things one can say to someone else is "l know just how you feel," because it is not true - no-one knows exactly how anyone else is feeling. I often think a simple "sorry to hear your news" is enough and sounds much more sincere. Again, if you really are worried that you might have offended someone, simply say to them that you feel that you may have said something to upset them and, if so, you would like to apologise. Nine times out of ten, a seeming shortness of manner is nothing to do with you, but the person themselves is simply preoccupied with something else.

I think we should be wary of labels. empath , narcissist, sociopath and so on.

However, I do think we can have empathic traits. We pick up on the feelings of others. I am acutely aware of how others may be feeling. It is a sort of hyper vigilance and over sensitivity and is not always a good thing.
Some people don't feel a damn thing and blithely go about their me me me lives.

fancythat

^Were they to assume that there is no reason why anyone should put them down^

Good comment

the only empath I know of is Lwxana Troi who can feel what other people are feeling. I think this lady is not an empath because she has no idea what the sender is actually feeling!

I meant it wasn't so much frightening

zakouma66

As a child growing up in a frightening household, I developed antennae that could pick up every nuance. I also believed everything was my fault and it was up to me to put it right.

@zakouma66 I can so relate to your comment. It was so much frightening for me, but I always felt my step dad was hovering around everytime I was trying to have a discussion with my Mum. He hated any conflict or raised voices...it made me very uncomfortable to express my feelings...but I can now pick up on every uncomfortable silence or look in any room. I also believed everything was my fault if a look changed and wanted to make things right. It's actually something I try and work on as I know I've always worried too much. I'm not responsible for other peoples behaviours but my own.

Have you thought of seeing a therapist to talk this through? It's so easy to not get the tone right when you read a text or message, that you misunderstand the sender's intention..example, you send a long text get an ok back, you feel dismissed but the other person is caught up in stuff but wants you to know they've seen your text and agree/understand. If you feel the other person may have worried or problems which is why you get short or terse answers send an "you ok, everything alright" text..then leavening them to communicate..

We cannot always control how others react or interact with us. Sometimes people may send messages with an unclear tone or simply be busy and not pay attention to the messages. Try to focus on your own feelings and reactions, developing self-soothing and self-confidence skills.

Grounding Techniques by Donna Eden seem helpful for empath anxiety 🥰

Nor me, unless I'm feeling really morose and in need of a good old weep and wail.
Then I can get upset by seeing someone with a heavy shopping bag!

Yes, I agree, MissAdventure, some will stay with me (and may pop up again in years to come) but they won't keep stressing/worrying me in the same way as people have discussed.

Some nice, and some not so nice.
I can't remember much else, but people's life stories interest me.

Not celebs; just normal every day folk.

MissAdventure

NotSpaghetti

Have you read the thread about music that makes people teary?

Yes, and although some posts are genuinely moving, and i may have felt the writer's pain in my heart (and even thought about it later that day) they have not had an impact on the rest of my day...
I think that would be pretty extreme.

That's strange, because certain things I read on those threads do stay with me, and I think of them again, for years sometimes.

Oh dear.
Nice stuff or not nice stuff?

My memory is far worse than it used to be.
Which in several circumstances, is a bonus.
As I tell people, i can barely remember what I ate for dinner last night. Let alone remember what someone said to me 3 months ago.
I do not hold grudges. In part, because I cannot remember what someone is supposed to have said to me anyway!

You are so right JdotJ I have never watched Star Trek! Obviously I’m missing out lol

Those of you who have never heard of the word Empath are obviously not Star Trek fans

I agree with Applegran . Re framing is exactly what I do (never thought about it as re framing though which makes sense) It seems to me that it’s just a matter of seeing things from someone else’s perspective and realising that they may have different priorities at the moment taking up their time, mentally or physically, and not have the energy to think about or realise the impact their words or actions are having on you. Being an empath (this is a new word to add to my vocabulary) is emotionally draining and re framing might lessen the anxiety. Really hoping some of the other GN replies are helpful and you find a happy solution to lessen your pain.

It must be hard to understand if you're not natura empath
It can be exhausting as your brain/emotion reacts before you have time to assess, get into gear etc. At times I just feel u interested in everything, I guess it's overwhelm and a recovery time
I think mediation is supportive there are many short ones on u tube! Slow breathing listening to breath good

I’m definitely an empath. I didn’t used to be. Being an empath has made me a better person even though I get much more upset about people’s (family members) responses and get hurt very easily.
As you get older you gradually become the person you were meant to be.

Thank you biglouis! Yes, that’s why we’re all on GN Social Media! 😆

Now, being an empath means listening and taking on the other's pain or burden, but should not be changing your disposition or mood in the process.

It takes a strong person to be an empath.

If this continues to stand in the way of how things make you feel, or affects your relationships, I would seek counseling. That would be a hard way to live without correcting it.

Best to shrug off the occasional off-beat comment, or snark - don’t take everything personally, move along. Everyone has a bad day now and then.

If they persist and you see the arrows being slung towards you, then you need to confront them and work it out or remove them from your life.

Applegran
More or less what I said a couple of days ago.

Sssd

What medication do you take?

I take Citalopram. I don't suffer with depression, or at least haven't for years, but this medication really helps ground my emotions so that I am not always looking for rejection. My DH can tell when I have missed a dose because I become quite touchy a little while later. Sometimes I haven't even realised that I missed a dose but when I check, I have. It has made the most amazing difference to my life. We are looking at dedicated ADHD medicine with the health service but I'm not sure that I want to risk things going backwards.