No manners. No more gifts.

I would love a cat and one of my reasons for not getting one is that I occasionally go away for weekends. Several of my neighbour would, I know, help me in an emergency but none are close enough for me to ask for cat feeding while I am away. You are blessed with so kind a neighbour.

These situations can be frustrating. Your desire to show gratitude and consideration to your neighbor is a nice gesture, and it would be natural to expect at least a small reaction in return. However, perhaps your neighbor simply didn't think much of it or was too busy. I think it's worth trying to contact her personally to find out whether your gift really pleased her, and to avoid misunderstandings in the future.

*she's done it as a favour

As for gifts i'd just buy a nice momento from where i had been (like tea towel or fridge magnet or some such, or a small box of chocs or fudge (if you know shes ok to eat them) that have "thanks for looking after my cat" on the box that holiday places sell- or a small bunch of flowers, or just a pretty thank you card- nothing too over the top.Just a little token of appreciation.Anything more expensive or big may embarress her.She's done it as a favour to you.

Glad it worked out for you JackK- yes i was also going to say maybe she was going to wait till seeing you- or been busy when she got back- i get back from being out and first wipe stuff over & put away-(still doing that as son has ocd) and then any jobs to do like put on a wash, or put meal on, then make a cuppa, to sit down & answer any messages, emails etc.- which takes awhile.She may be same..Next time if she is kind enough to feed your cat i suggest you take a small gift but if she's not in dont leave it- just pop round another time and then she can thank you face to face as you give the gift and no waiting around for thanks.

If she is a close neighbour I wouldn't have left anything on her doorstep.
As she has been feeding your cat I would have waited till she was in and given it to her with my thanks.
It seems a little offhand to leave it on her doorstep.

I am concerned that this stirred you up so much. Seems a lot is going on inside you. Is there a reason? And as others have said, she fed your cat. If she thanks you for your thanks do you thank her for those? And her for that layer of thanks? Time for a big hug.

I would never expect a thank you from someone I had thanked for doing a favour for me. Also by giving your neighbour some clothes for her charity shop it has saved you taking them yourself to another charity shop.

If it bothers you so much then put your cat in a cattery while you are away.

JackK

I've just had a thank you 😊

There you are , the Poster had posted this on page 1

I think you're being a bit unreasonable. She's possibly waiting til she sees you to thank you personally. She went out of her way to do you a favour in the first place, she didn't have to do it. You got her a gift as a thank you which was nice of you to do but you shouldn't expect her to thank you for saying thank you. As I say, she probably will when she sees you but a gift should never be given with strings (ie. I will only give you gifts if you're forthcoming in a timely manner with gratitude)

She (neighbor) may thank you later, when she sees you or starts wearing some of the clothing items.

I do know all about people not always saying TY, I find that they just forget… I know, such a simple thing. Doesn’t necessarily mean they aren’t grateful.

You were hoping for a thank you for a thank you? Sorry but no. Where would it stop ?

I would have sent a little text thanking you for your lovely gift and, for the donation of clothes. At least it would have let you know no one had pinched them from her foorstep.

You may lose a cat sitter if you’re constantly waiting for thank yous from her. You did enlist her help and she did you the favor. It was very gracious of you to get her a small gift. I do exactly the same for my cat sitter.

PS - most professional cat sitters charge big bucks to do what your neighbor did. Keep her in your good graces! You won’t be sorry.

I understand your wanting a thank you for your thank you, but as others have said, maybe the thank yous cannot go on too long like this. If we give, do we do it because we want a thank you? Or just because we want to give? Less complicated if we just give, with no mental strings attached, even if we actually like the feeling of being thanked. Generosity with no strings feels good.

If you were able to do so …

I personally would have thanked you straight away for the gift, and your clothing donations.

Hopefully you won't be so judgemental in future about lack of thanks

People should say a thank you! The world has lost its manners💔

I think she should have thanked you for the gift, and for the clothes you had left for whatever charity it is she is collecting for.

However, stopping giving her a thank-you gift when she looks after your cat is perhaps ill-advised, as people do have different ideas of whether this sort of thing is actually a present or a form of payment.

None of us ever thanked anyone for paying us, did we?

Good manners and small courtesies oil the wheels of everyday life. I left a pair of child's wellies outside my door as agreed with a young woman, whom I didn’t know, on a Zero Waste (free) FB site. She texted me to say she’d picked them up, and thanks, which I appreciated. Imagine my delight when I went out later to find a beautifully topped pot of home made jam! Made my day and I felt my gesture was appreciated!

I think your "manners" requirements are out of date. You thanked them for doing something for you. That doesn't require a further thankyou. Good grief! I think I'd be falling foul of all sorts of manners rules that I am completely unaware of. She did you a favour and you got her a little something. Even stevens

You need to nurture your neighbour who kindly agreed to look after your cat JackK.
I felt I couldn’t go on asking a friend when I went away (even though she lived in the next street). She always said she didn’t mind but it started to feel like an imposition.
In the end I came to an agreement to pay my brother (who lived a mile away) £7 a day to come and see to her - it was a lot cheaper than the local advertised cat sitting person.

Primrose53

I think you are. You asked for her help, she obliged. You have left her a gift and thanked her. End of really.

Yes, I agree. Otherwise you’ll be thanking her for thanking you and so on….

Thanks Bazza we don't actually need the eggs as we have our own chickens and there are only two of us. Mr S is ok with it as he knows the chicks are safe etc. Just niggles me a little.
Shame about your kaftan though.