Gransnet forums

AIBU

Children holidaying during term time.

(210 Posts)
Sago Tue 30-Apr-24 11:42:58

AIBU?
We have just returned from a lovely week cruising the Fjords.
There were far more under 16’s onboard than we could have anticipated.
A lot of families didn’t leave the ship they just stayed and played bingo etc while the children were in the pool or the children’s clubs.
I couldn’t help but think of all the staff who come from countries where an education isn’t taken for granted.
One woman said the cruise cost her 2K out of term instead of 5K in the holidays.
This is why we had camping holidays in Scotland for so many years!

NotSpaghetti Sat 18-May-24 07:49:16

Reported

margiebrty3 Sat 18-May-24 01:31:47

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

MissAdventure Mon 06-May-24 21:11:36

It broke my heart, grannygravy.
It meant his days were spent at home, fending for himself, whilst my daughter slept more and more.

One time her electric ran out, and he had hidden himself inside a cardboard box, with a blanket, because he didnt know what else to do.
I feel so very angry about it, still.

GrannyGravy13 Mon 06-May-24 18:49:00

MissAdventure

Yes, the school didn't care at all when my little grandson missed school because his mum had cancer.

That is heartbreaking to hear MissA 💐

The majority of teachers/Head teachers I like to think are compassionate, but it is becoming increasingly apparent that there are bad apples in the teaching profession just like many others.

MissAdventure Mon 06-May-24 18:20:40

Yes, the school didn't care at all when my little grandson missed school because his mum had cancer.

goldmist Mon 06-May-24 17:51:33

My DD is taking 2 of my DGS away after the May half term break She's taking them abroad to visit her father, my ex, as he's in failing health & it may be their last opportunity to visit him. She's doing this in term time because: she's recovering from major surgery following a long fight against cancer, and they didn't think they'd see each other again, but mainly because my other DGS is special needs & it's the only time she can get respite care for him. I do help with him, but can't do it all. The eldest DGS is 9, he has missed some school this year already, he's had a lot of anxiety regarding my DD's health & when DD has repeatedly
contacted the school to explain & ask to speak to his teacher, she has had little to no response. In her mind now, as they have shown so little concern for his welfare & ability to concentrate at school, they won't worry about him missing a few days visiting family either! It's not her fault that her father lives abroad & this will be the first & last time this happens.

Mollygo Mon 06-May-24 13:17:09

Even in the same country, different areas have holidays that may start or end at different times. This year Easter was at the beginning of the 2week break for us, whilst for my DD’s school, Easter weekend was the middle weekend.
I like GG13’s post above, mentioning Google Classrooms. Would telling parents who ask for set work, that the work is available online and will not be supplied as catch-up on their child’s return be acceptable?

There are enough metaphorical sticks to beat parents with (particularly mothers) not sure that they need the added pressure of being made to feel guilty because they can not get time off of work during the school holidays.
There are enough metaphorical sticks to beat parents with (particularly mothers) not sure that they need the added pressure of being made to feel guilty because they can not get time off of work during the school holidays.
This is true too, and could equally apply to teachers
There are enough metaphorical sticks to beat teachers with, not sure that they need the added pressure of being made to feel guilty because they can not fit time in for individual catch up sessions for children who have missed school for holidays during the school term time.
Our school has a fixed statement-no holiday requests will be authorised during the first two weeks of autumn term or in the two weeks before, and during annual tests -whether SAT or not.
Maybe if the fine money was paid directly to the school, it could be used to pay teachers to do catch up classes before or after school.

Joseann Mon 06-May-24 11:29:42

nanna8

Another thing to note is that different countries have different school holidays so seeing children around when you are away might not mean they have been taken out of school. Our main holidays are December to February, July and September plus Easter. The UK ones are completely different. Probably other countries in general have different ones. Our school year starts in February.

Yes, Italian schools break up on June 8th, and I think they have 3 months' summer holiday. I think Germany staggers the holidays within the country? (France used to have zones, but I believe the summer is the same for everyone now, 8 weeks). The UK is miserly in comparison!

M0nica Mon 06-May-24 11:14:31

GSM Apart from Christmas being a time when most people are with the wider family and is overlain by the celebrations. A week together with no external pressures to just enjoy each other's company and do something else, is not something you can do at Christmas.

And while some families may have had a whole week off at Christmas, all I can say is we didn't. DH was always home on Christmas Day but on several occasions he returned to work on Boxing day or a day or two afterwards.

Later when circumstances had changed, and we were able to have all our holidays during the school holiday, I usually needed to work between Christmas and the New Year

nanna8 Mon 06-May-24 11:12:25

Another thing to note is that different countries have different school holidays so seeing children around when you are away might not mean they have been taken out of school. Our main holidays are December to February, July and September plus Easter. The UK ones are completely different. Probably other countries in general have different ones. Our school year starts in February.

NotSpaghetti Mon 06-May-24 10:15:03

Can I just add that the benefits of "holiday" is mainly when you are not at home.

A stay-at-home holiday is better than nothing of course but to get away from the "daily" is really best. It doesn't matter if it's only a village away - it's still "away"

GrannyGravy13 Mon 06-May-24 09:45:49

One size does not fit all, in an ideal world all parents would be able to take holidays during the school shut down periods.

Unfortunately we are not in an ideal world and parents have to do what is right for them and their families.

I posted upthread that schooling/learning is totally different to what it was 10 years ago. Even in reception and primary years the class work, spellings, maths is available on the schools Google Classroom which means that there is should not be any need for teachers to set an individual child extra catch-up work.

There are enough metaphorical sticks to beat parents with (particularly mothers) not sure that they need the added pressure of being made to feel guilty because they can not get time off of work during the school holidays.

V3ra Mon 06-May-24 09:30:07

Joseann

I was thinking, (to myself!), if the average earn is around £40k, often x by 2 parents, £80,000, then an annual holiday spend of say £4,000 is fairly easy to budget for, isn't it?

Don't forget that there are likely to be considerable childcare fees to pay if two working parents have school age children.
Their family disposable income won't be the same as the sum of their two salaries.

Germanshepherdsmum Mon 06-May-24 09:10:00

The majority of families get that ‘one week together’ over the Christmas period MOnica.

When I was a child we had one week away during the summer holidays, for which my parents saved all year. When I was a single mother with little money to spare we had odd days out during school holidays.

Joseann Mon 06-May-24 09:05:24

Yes, I realise that is pre-tax salary, but if 2 working parents set aside just 5% for a holiday they could still afford a £2k+ holiday which is what the lady on the cruise budgeted for her family in the OP. I'm not being snobby, but the description of her sort of placed her in the average category?

M0nica Mon 06-May-24 08:50:17

Joseann Dream on. In 2023, the median salary in the UK was £35,000. www.statista.com/statistics/416139/full-time-annual-salary-in-the-uk-by-region/ That figure drops to £27,500 after tax.

Median means that half the population earns less than that, so many households with children, where one person may well work part time puts many families with children a long way below your imagined £80,000 income. Then of course there are housing costs, which, especially in the south east, are likely to be around £2,000 a month for a family home, whether you rent or have a mortgage.

Reality means that actually the average take home salary after tax and basic housing cost of your mythical 2 earner family is likely to be well under £40,000 and from that comes all the costs of life; community tax, food, clothes, energy cost, transport costs, insurance, work cost etc etc.

The amount available to pay for holidays, shrinks and shrinks.

M0nica Mon 06-May-24 08:28:19

GSM I think that every family should have the opportunity to have one week a year all together in each others company, doing things together. It doesn't even need to be other than all together at home.

When, like some families, of which we were one, you have one of the parents whose work takes them away from home, and their children, in particular, for a large part of the year, then I consider that one week a year spent together, is more essential than a weeks schooling.

Obviously this week should be taken in holiday time if possible, but the more a parent is away, usually the more their leave time is constrained and the more likely that on occasion leave will nee to be taken in school time.

I also think many people are grossly over estimating how deleterious a weeks absence from school will be for a child of average ability or above. I went to 10 schools, highly disruptive in itself, where I went from a school, which, for example was about to teach us long division and multiplication, to one that had taught it. I quickly got the hang of it, without any extra time from the teacher.

I also lost, in total 3 terms of schooling because I spent several extended periods in hospital. Again, I just slotted back into, usually, a new school, without being given extra tution and help.

As I said, I do agree children at the lower end of the ability range may suffer, but the majority shouldn't.

Joseann Mon 06-May-24 07:55:47

I was thinking, (to myself!), if the average earn is around £40k, often x by 2 parents, £80,000, then an annual holiday spend of say £4,000 is fairly easy to budget for, isn't it?

Joseann Mon 06-May-24 07:47:27

I agree with you, NotSpaghetti, and the fact that these holidays are "annual" means that there is a purpose reward for a year's hard slog! A time when families can unwind, enjoy days without routines and stresses, eat favourite foods and play and laugh together.
I felt privileged to provide holidays for families for several years, and watched the dynamics with interest. After a 24 hour settling in period it was a delight to watch the way the family units found a good balance between connecting together and being independent, between being active together and chilling alone. The holiday environment meant that everyone was on neutral territory and everyone had a say in how to spend their day.
The biggest proof in the pudding was that several families returned year on year to repeat the experience!

NotSpaghetti Mon 06-May-24 00:09:45

Holidays are valuable to families to "re-set", refresh and rebond Even a couple of days. Mental health is improved and the sense of well-being and rejuvenation continues afterwards.
Lots of research supports this - and the benefits start before you even go away - as you anticipate it and feel pleasure and excitement.

Mollygo Sun 05-May-24 23:30:40

Germanshepherdsmum

How do people manage without their ‘annual holiday’ I wonder? Does life depend upon it?

No idea. We always had to take holidays in school holidays. One part of our family’s holidays are always at home because that’s what they can afford.

Germanshepherdsmum Sun 05-May-24 22:38:40

How do people manage without their ‘annual holiday’ I wonder? Does life depend upon it?

M0nica Sun 05-May-24 22:30:22

To be fair Mollygo, I actually agree in principle one shouldn't take children out of school for holidays and we would never have done so just to get a cheaper or better holiday, but on several occasions the nature of DH's work made it impossible to holiday during the school summer holidays. One year we had our annual holiday in the Feb/March half term to avoid taking the children out of school, but on 2 occasions, taking children out of school for a week was the only way for us to have a family holiday with DH present.

Mollygo Sun 05-May-24 21:04:58

Not to worry M0nica, I obviously haven’t met you, so when I said
^ I’ve never met a parent yet who wasn’t convinced it wouldn’t harm their child but who wasn’t quick to complain if their child’s report was not as expected, and they simply never considered either the teachers or the other children. I don’t know if it could have applied to you.
Head teachers are rarely teachers involved in dealing with the effects of children missing work.

M0nica Sun 05-May-24 20:52:17

mollygo. It was the headmistress, who told me that it wouldn't harm my children if they missed a week and I never complained about poor reports, because she was right and they weren't and there weren't any.