AIBU about meeting halfway?

When they had one regularly drove half way to collect dog when dog sitting needed. For my grandchildren I'd drive drive the moon and back if asked.

You start by saying she is your stepdaughter, so hubbies daughter. what does he think. If she was your child would it be unreasonable? In the long run not worth falling out over this as people would need to take sides and everyone end up hurt.

We have just come back from babysitting over the Bank Holiday for my DS’s 10th wedding anniversary and we stayed in their house. It was much easier as they had friends etc around

I think if you've agreed to look after this little boy that it is the kindest thing to do for your Stepdaughter to meet her halfway. However I would also encourage your DH to have strong words with her to encourage her to take her son on holiday every time they go as he is so young..

My DD lives just over 100 miles away. I'm quite happy to meet halfway

Granny square. Agree totally. Fab post! Children’s needs first.

Fantastic! Your GC is coming to stay.

Even better you are meeting up half way between their place & yours - their jolly with you starts right there & then.

No doubt his mum will need to get back home promptly to make sure everything is in place before they go away for their holiday. Likely you’ll be meeting up sometime in the middle of the day.

As you are the ones offering the favour, you get to determine time & location of meet up. Use this opportunity wisely. Opt for mutual ease of travelling but stick to times that work for you… no last minute car park handover nonsense.

An opportunity to have a great lunch with GC - anything from McD’s piled high or something more suited to your palette? Whatever you choose, make a treat of it, go over the top. Your GC will enjoy the indulgence of free & easy scoff without parents.

Never mind the parents, develop good will & acceptance with your GC.

Glass half full.

I think it's up to you. None of us can be in your shoes.

Thank you everyone for all your feedback and advice. It's helping me put things into perspective. As a long-time step-parent I've always found it best to support what my partner wants for his children, and that hasn't changed since they are grown up. I've let him know how I feel about the situation, and he has some similar concerns, so hopefully we will be able to agree a way forward.

I do have my own adult kids and am less circumspect with them. If they were making parenting decisions I felt were unwise or not in their childrens' best interests I would feel more able to bring it up with them directly. But I need to tread carefully here.

Do you have your own children? Would you do the same to pick up their offspring?

A df who was a nursery school teacher was asked by a couple if she could please take their DC in the holidays as they would be skiing.

Plenty of parents have sent their DC to boarding schools so that someone else can look after them. I was at boarding school myself and met a few unhappy youngsters.

I respect people's right to have "then time, and I think it's good that people are more open in expressing themselves.

But... I still think they're a selfish pair of sods.

Having had a child, whether intentionally or not, they then have a duty to give it the best life they can, putting their own wishes on the back burner. Children are grown and gone so very quickly. They can have all the self indulgent holidays they want then. Is it much to ask?

eazybee

*KatyaStrings*, I agree with you; I am wary of parents who need holiday 'breaks' away from their children, particularly when they work, which means more separation.

The saddest thing I saw was a little nine year old who had been collected from boarding school by her parents; she was going to stay with granny and grandpa for a fortnight and then go on to a lovely holiday club; she was going home for a week, and then, a surprise, she was going to another lovely holiday club while mummy and daddy went to Italy 'on business', and it wasn't possible for them to take her with them 'as they had promised.
She cried, and they said, and made her repeat it. ' 'Remember, Mummy and Daddy love you very much.'

They were clearly wealthy, and clearly completely uninterested in their miserable little daughter.

That made me feel so sad for this little one. Why do some people have children? God knows they’re hard work and expensive but this little one sounds completely emotionally neglected!

If the OP had told the whole story in her first post comments may have been different. Certainly mine would. As I see it she doesn’t approve of the way the grandchild is being raised, nor of the parents’ holidays without him. I would feel the same and would not do anything to enable their selfishness. Poor child.

KatyaStrings

Dogmum2

KatyaStrings

Oh my, the jury is definitely out on this one! No wonder I was feeling conflicted.

A couple of commenters wondered whether there are other issues playing into this. GS is 4 and looked after a lot by people other than his parents - after school club, childminders, work colleagues, and his other grandparents. He is becoming quite a withdrawn and anxious little boy. I am quite worried about him. So I have a tendency to bridle when there is yet another instance of his parents possibly swerving their responsibilities. Well spotted!

I maybe coming at this from the opposite angle - we had our GS very often from the age 6 -9 and 'people' often commented that our DD was taking advantage/behaving irresponsibly. Fast forward and our GS is nearly 17 and we have the best relationship with him and he knows we are here for him.

Therefore, although you (understandably) have concerns with the way he is being parented the easier you make it for him to come to you the more (i suspect) he will come and the you can become a positive influence and build a solid relationship for the future.

Thank you for your positive perspective. It's true that there is very little I can do to influence how he is parented, but I sure as hell can make his time with us the best it can be

Absolutely, the amount of deep breaths/bitten lips we did over the years is unbelievable! but it has been truly worth it when our monosyllabic teenage grandson gives me an unsolicited, genuine hug.

Have the best time with your grandson xx

KatyaStrings, I agree with you; I am wary of parents who need holiday 'breaks' away from their children, particularly when they work, which means more separation.

The saddest thing I saw was a little nine year old who had been collected from boarding school by her parents; she was going to stay with granny and grandpa for a fortnight and then go on to a lovely holiday club; she was going home for a week, and then, a surprise, she was going to another lovely holiday club while mummy and daddy went to Italy 'on business', and it wasn't possible for them to take her with them 'as they had promised.
She cried, and they said, and made her repeat it. ' 'Remember, Mummy and Daddy love you very much.'

They were clearly wealthy, and clearly completely uninterested in their miserable little daughter.

Dogmum2

KatyaStrings

Oh my, the jury is definitely out on this one! No wonder I was feeling conflicted.

A couple of commenters wondered whether there are other issues playing into this. GS is 4 and looked after a lot by people other than his parents - after school club, childminders, work colleagues, and his other grandparents. He is becoming quite a withdrawn and anxious little boy. I am quite worried about him. So I have a tendency to bridle when there is yet another instance of his parents possibly swerving their responsibilities. Well spotted!

I maybe coming at this from the opposite angle - we had our GS very often from the age 6 -9 and 'people' often commented that our DD was taking advantage/behaving irresponsibly. Fast forward and our GS is nearly 17 and we have the best relationship with him and he knows we are here for him.

Therefore, although you (understandably) have concerns with the way he is being parented the easier you make it for him to come to you the more (i suspect) he will come and the you can become a positive influence and build a solid relationship for the future.

Thank you for your positive perspective. It's true that there is very little I can do to influence how he is parented, but I sure as hell can make his time with us the best it can be

Feelingmyage55

Out of the box suggestion. Could/would you drive to your grandson’s home, spend the weekend there and then come home. I am sure this would be the least disruptive way for the wee boy, at home, own bed and maybe a play date and a park meet-up for him and his friend. Sounds as if he might miss out on these simple pleasures. He may also be easier to care for if more relaxed.

We do this sometimes and it works well, but not possible this time.

Cossy

KatyaStrings

Sorry Cossy, I didn't mean to imply that all parents are 'swerving their responsibilities' if they use childcare. I had a professional career and used a fair bit of childcare with my own children. But in this instance, a pattern is building where family holidays are rare and child-free getaways for the parents more common.

Thanks for explaining. That seems very sad then, our family holidays always always came first, we always wanted some quality family time and we also spent almost every weekend with them too.

I feel a bit sad for this little chap. Enjoy your time together

We certainly will!

KatyaStrings

Sorry Cossy, I didn't mean to imply that all parents are 'swerving their responsibilities' if they use childcare. I had a professional career and used a fair bit of childcare with my own children. But in this instance, a pattern is building where family holidays are rare and child-free getaways for the parents more common.

Thanks for explaining. That seems very sad then, our family holidays always always came first, we always wanted some quality family time and we also spent almost every weekend with them too.

I feel a bit sad for this little chap. Enjoy your time together

Baggs

Germanshepherdsmum

I sense some family friction here …

Exactly what I was thinking.

Is the other part of "we" your stepdaughter's father? What does he think? Do you both need to go and collect GS?

No. I don't drive. My husband will have to do that. He works full time and is not currently in the best of health, so this is in a large part me feeling protective of him.

KatyaStrings

Oh my, the jury is definitely out on this one! No wonder I was feeling conflicted.

A couple of commenters wondered whether there are other issues playing into this. GS is 4 and looked after a lot by people other than his parents - after school club, childminders, work colleagues, and his other grandparents. He is becoming quite a withdrawn and anxious little boy. I am quite worried about him. So I have a tendency to bridle when there is yet another instance of his parents possibly swerving their responsibilities. Well spotted!

I maybe coming at this from the opposite angle - we had our GS very often from the age 6 -9 and 'people' often commented that our DD was taking advantage/behaving irresponsibly. Fast forward and our GS is nearly 17 and we have the best relationship with him and he knows we are here for him.

Therefore, although you (understandably) have concerns with the way he is being parented the easier you make it for him to come to you the more (i suspect) he will come and the you can become a positive influence and build a solid relationship for the future.

Sorry Cossy, I didn't mean to imply that all parents are 'swerving their responsibilities' if they use childcare. I had a professional career and used a fair bit of childcare with my own children. But in this instance, a pattern is building where family holidays are rare and child-free getaways for the parents more common.

Feelingmyage55

Out of the box suggestion. Could/would you drive to your grandson’s home, spend the weekend there and then come home. I am sure this would be the least disruptive way for the wee boy, at home, own bed and maybe a play date and a park meet-up for him and his friend. Sounds as if he might miss out on these simple pleasures. He may also be easier to care for if more relaxed.

Great suggestion.