AIBU about meeting halfway?

KatyaStrings

Oh my, the jury is definitely out on this one! No wonder I was feeling conflicted.

A couple of commenters wondered whether there are other issues playing into this. GS is 4 and looked after a lot by people other than his parents - after school club, childminders, work colleagues, and his other grandparents. He is becoming quite a withdrawn and anxious little boy. I am quite worried about him. So I have a tendency to bridle when there is yet another instance of his parents possibly swerving their responsibilities. Well spotted!

I think you should be very careful about your use of words here “possibly swerving their responsibilities”

Are mum and dad working full time? I worked full all the way through returning after mat leave when my little ones were somewhere between 3-5 months, though I did actually return part time when my elder daughter was 6 weeks as I was then contracting and it was a very lucrative 9 month contract.

We had lots of quality family holidays, but all mine did before and after school clubs and day miseries and childminders.

4 is an age when children can become a bit anxious, I am assuming he’s not long started school? It could be school that’s affecting him, which he’d be at anyway irrespective of whether mum and dad go away.

Feelingmyage55 this was my first thought too.

If you read the opening post, the parents are going on holiday the next day, so an overnight stay isn’t possible. To be honest, I wouldn’t contemplate a lengthy drive immediately before my holiday - accidents can happen!
I wonder what’s the stepdaughter’s father - presumably the OP’s husband’s involvement/reaction is with/to this?

There does seem to be a difference of opinions here.

Oreo - OP says 3 hours.

I think it depends how well the 4 year old copes in the car and how easy the transfer will be.

That would be my guide.
Is it easier for him to say goodbye in the service station with things to look forward to (but a further journey) or to say goodbye having arrived ar your home?

Maybe, as someone else suggested a point nearer you than midway?

Yes good idea Feelingmyage

Why wouldn't you meet half way if you are able to? We used to do it all the time to collect our GS as DD lives 3/4 hours away - M6 all the way so the actual journey time could be double that

Unfortunately we are unable to do it any more with the inevitable consequence that we see our DD and family far less than we would like due to their work commitments etc.

My other half used to love his time with our GS on the journey/s - they would chatter and sing away, as well as munch through 'forbidden' sweets. I wish he was still able to do this.

I wouldn’t do it because I hate driving.
Perhaps they could bring him to you and stay overnight and then travel back the next day. It would be nice for your gs too . To have his mum there to settle him in.

Out of the box suggestion. Could/would you drive to your grandson’s home, spend the weekend there and then come home. I am sure this would be the least disruptive way for the wee boy, at home, own bed and maybe a play date and a park meet-up for him and his friend. Sounds as if he might miss out on these simple pleasures. He may also be easier to care for if more relaxed.

I don't think it's unreasonable for her to ask, or for you to have said you don't want to make the drive and ask for him to be brought to you.

I think it would be nice for the parents to take the little chap away with them on holiday!
It does sound as if he is farmed out rather a lot.
I know young couples these days are very busy but to my mind, the priority should be the little boy especially as he is showing signs of anxiety.

As soon as I read your post Katy I was annoyed with the young couple.
They sound rather selfish and entitled.
This is why I said it would feel different coming from you.
From what you now say in your follow up, DGS will be very happy with you and I hope he is, whether or not you meet them halfway.

Jewelle

No definitely not being unreasonable to meet halfway! Very cheeky of her to ask, as you’re doing her the favour having the GS.

Apologies, I misread the original post - yes you are being unreasonable!!

I thought she wanted you to collect your GS from them rather than halfway. Halfway is completely fair. I do this often for mine.

I don’t see the problem . I do this with my mum when she visits my sister who’s a 3 hour drive away . We find a petrol station with a coffee shop at a halfway point and do a hand over .

Wyllow3

I think as a one off it looks like YABU but clearly there are tensions around this that I do hope can be addressed so all the best.

I agree.
Tho whatever happens means the poor kid has a six hour drive in one day.

Germanshepherdsmum

I sense some family friction here …

Exactly what I was thinking.

Is the other part of "we" your stepdaughter's father? What does he think? Do you both need to go and collect GS?

I think as a one off it looks like YABU but clearly there are tensions around this that I do hope can be addressed so all the best.

I live a 3 hour drive from my son and family. I think the half way meet up is ideal in this situation. I wouldn’t dream of wanting them to do a 6 hour round trip the day before going on holiday to save me a 3 hour trip.

We do this all the time when we have our granddaughter to stay although in our case it is a 6 hour drive each way. We meet half way for the handover. Still if you object then say so to her rather than letting it spoil the weekend with your grandson. Do his parents usually bring him to your house when you have him to stay? Perhaps there is a reason for the change this time.

I can’t believe I’ve been so judgmental - it’s unlike me, but I’ve done the same sort of thing, from Durham to Sheffield, going much further than half way, just to collect DD2’s dog on a regular basis!! I like driving and it saved DD2 a drive - it’s just what you do?
There does seem to be an underlying current GSM but I hope katy has a good week with her DGS, irrespective of this issue.

Oh my, the jury is definitely out on this one! No wonder I was feeling conflicted.

A couple of commenters wondered whether there are other issues playing into this. GS is 4 and looked after a lot by people other than his parents - after school club, childminders, work colleagues, and his other grandparents. He is becoming quite a withdrawn and anxious little boy. I am quite worried about him. So I have a tendency to bridle when there is yet another instance of his parents possibly swerving their responsibilities. Well spotted!

Step daughter lives three hours away from you and has asked. for you to look after GS during a holiday - I don't think it unreasonable of her to ask to meet at a half way point to collect the child. I used to do this all the time when our dad stayed with family. Helping one another is what families do isn't it?
Their journey would be around 7 hours otherwise - that's a full day taken up travelling.

I sense some family friction here …

Yes I think YABU I have done this many times what stress is involved for you to drive half way they are only going for a few days

YABU - unless the cost of fuel is a problem for you.