Ex son in law

Urmstongran

It’s not a level playing field though Glorianny! If there' s an agreement both parties have to stick to it. You will notice that GrannyIvy said upthread about her son in law He is so difficult. It is different when he wants to do things and my daughter gives to him constantly for the children

There’s the rub.
That’s why he’s an arse. He stretches/bends the rules when it suits him (knowing his ex will capitulate for the sake of the children).

She also started with "he is toxic, very cruel, and self centred"
So perhaps not an unbiased view. No one can know what goes on in a marriage or all the details of a divorce.

Perhaps one of the problems was he was given a flight time and didn't consider the time the children would need to be at the airport. Now he's realised they will miss school, and yes he may very well just be using the terms of the court order to stir things. But that should have been made clear to him from the start before the children knew anything. Perhaps the mum hadn't realised either, in which case the only reasonable course of action is to apologise profusely, admit the mistake and let him crow a bit.

I think GPs should stay out of their children's divorces and try to stay neutral. You always will want to support your child but it doesn't help to constantly criticise the ex partner when there are children involved.

8 years to go with the older boy.
13 years with the little girl.
Stressful.

Of course he’s being deliberately difficult Dickens because unfortunately by going even a tiny smidgeon away from the agreement the poster is breaking the rules and this vindictive man will use every inch against his ex wife whether it upsets the children or not
Pay the extra and change the flight as soon as possible and play the future game by jumping to his every legal demand otherwise the next 18 years or however many are left will be a nightmare for everyone
Let us know what you decide

It’s not a level playing field though Glorianny! If there' s an agreement both parties have to stick to it. You will notice that GrannyIvy said upthread about her son in law He is so difficult. It is different when he wants to do things and my daughter gives to him constantly for the children

There’s the rub.
That’s why he’s an arse. He stretches/bends the rules when it suits him (knowing his ex will capitulate for the sake of the children).

As the truth is that the Court order says no absences from school unless both parents agree personally I would ask him once more and if no joy I would look for alternative flights.

Otherwise it will surely come back to haunt her.

He's left it until now to cause as much upset as he can.
Bitter exes play those kinds of games.

Glorianny

Sorry but although he is being difficult it isn't just his fault. If there' s an agreement both parties have to stick to it. It sounds as if the split has been fairly recent. It's a time when both parties need to re-establish trust and find a way to parent together whilst living apart. He shouldn't be being so difficult. On the other hand your DD should not have booked the flights or raised the children's hopes until she was absolutely sure he was OK with it. They need to discuss anything like this before either of them says anything to the children.
I hope you get your holiday. I hope the children are OK. I hope the parents can stop playing games and learn to communicate better.
You may think he's an arse, but he is the father of your GCs. They need to have a good relationship with him. So perhaps don't be so obvious about your dislike.
Teachers will release the children to anyone who is listed as having responsibility. or anyone who it is agreed can collect them. They will not interfere or become involved in parental disputes.

It's a time when both parties need to re-establish trust and find a way to parent together whilst living apart

The OP says he knew in advance but left it until now to object. If that's the case - why didn't he immediately put his foot down as soon as he became aware of the plans and not allow the children to build up their excitement?

I doubt much will happen in the school the last couple of hours on a Friday before half term that will have much impact on their education.

All very well to talk about establishing trust etc after a split - but there are some men, and women, who are controlling and spiteful. And some men can't cope with the fact that the woman is no longer under his control, especially when they see her living a life happily apart from him.

Yes, she should have stuck rigidly to the rules of the court order - but sometimes life gets in the way.

This is 2 hours - not 2 days - before half term. I think he's being deliberately difficult because it gives him satisfaction that he can. He must know the children will be bitterly disappointed if the plans have to change, and that his ex probably might not be able to afford the extra cost involved in cancelling and re-booking. But who cares, as long as he is able to get one over on her. He's using the children as a weapon against her because if he really cared about them he wouldn't want to upset them. Not for the sake of 2 bloody hours.

I agree with Glorianny
You've given him just the ammunition he needs, and to all intents and purposes he has the court on his side.

I don't know what I would do, in this situation.

You could keep them both off with an illness, or just brazen it out and pick the children up at lunch time.

Sorry but although he is being difficult it isn't just his fault. If there' s an agreement both parties have to stick to it. It sounds as if the split has been fairly recent. It's a time when both parties need to re-establish trust and find a way to parent together whilst living apart. He shouldn't be being so difficult. On the other hand your DD should not have booked the flights or raised the children's hopes until she was absolutely sure he was OK with it. They need to discuss anything like this before either of them says anything to the children.
I hope you get your holiday. I hope the children are OK. I hope the parents can stop playing games and learn to communicate better.
You may think he's an arse, but he is the father of your GCs. They need to have a good relationship with him. So perhaps don't be so obvious about your dislike.
Teachers will release the children to anyone who is listed as having responsibility. or anyone who it is agreed can collect them. They will not interfere or become involved in parental disputes.

Sorry it was Urmston Grans post.

What an arse. It’s all about control isn’t it? A bitter man indeed. Why do some exes use their kids as pawns? Because they can. Tosser.
Agree with everything you wrote. A horrible, bitter,petty individual.

If you all knew what the court order stipulates, and what the ex is like, it seems madness to have broken the order.

Hopefully the ex is just bluffing and won't take things further.

What an arse. It’s all about control isn’t it? A bitter man indeed. Why do some exes use their kids as pawns? Because they can. Tosser.

In the big sea she’s well shut of him. She’s learnt a very valuable lesson here. Stick to the rules and don’t expect him ever to be nice.

This sounds just like my ex-sil. There is nobody in the world but him and hurting his child is immaterial as long as he makes a point. I hope you get this sorted out OP, you have my sympathy.

This is a very tough decision for the school... He is morally wrong but legally in the right and this puts them in a terrible position

It is also a violation of a court order so the potential repercussions need.to be considered as he seems like the type to take this dispute as far as it can go

Please tell your daughter to seek legal advice

I think going forward never ever book anything that is not agreed in black and white. Never ever ask anything of him. My poor daughter she thinks she can reason with him but he is too bitter.

Brilliant the plan for future.

I hope the current trip becomes ok for him, avoid an upset.

Their happiness will not matter one iota to him by the sound of it
Shame she didn’t get a flight that fitted in with the school times as this will give him an excuse to have something against her, some amunition

Neither have solicitor now as everything finalised. So much money been spent on fighting!! It is only two hours but he likes to taunt her. Very narcissistic. Neither can afford anymore Court costs. He is doing this to be cruel. He never considers the children unfortunately but the 10year old already seeing situation . I think going forward never ever book anything that is not agreed in black and white. Never ever ask anything of him. My poor daughter she thinks she can reason with him but he is too bitter. Very sad

He is being very mean, but involving the school in the dispute is also unfair, as is risking an altercation in front of the children.

I don't think the court would treat it so seriously, but the school would probably tell mum to check flight times so as not to compromise them again.

I'm not sure why mum has done this if she is well aware of the court orders- she should have booked another flight in the first place.

GrannyIvy Thanks he was aware of flights but likes to disrupt at last minute. The Court order does say no absences from school unless both parents agree but they are in her time that day.

Surely he wants his children to be happy. They are so excited to be going away. No. Not as much as he wants to annoy her.

Perhaps she could not give to his daft demands?

I hope this can be sorted.

Your daughter needs to discuss this with her solicitor. No time out of school unless both agree doesn’t preclude them missing 2 hours to catch a flight to holiday.
He sounds unreasonable. Family Court Judges have enough to do without having nonsense litigation to consider.
School might be a problem given dad’s email,- that’s why solicitors need involving.
Dad is not acting in the best interests of his children.

I suggest your daughter have a word with her solicitor about the 2 hours in question. It's not as if much school work will be done in those two hours before the break. Perhaps her solicitor will have a word with his solicitor who may tell him to wise up. Perhaps I am wrong.

Oh for ffs, it's two hours, not two days, her ex is being spiteful. Maybe she does not have the money to pay for the cost to change the flights.
I hope she manages to sort this out.

They will miss afternoon mark so he will see they have been taken early. He is so difficult. It is different when he wants to do things and my daughter gives to him constantly for the children but he is such a difficult man. She did only as flight costs so high at half term and explained this to him.

Thanks he was aware of flights but likes to disrupt at last minute. The Court order does say no absences from school unless both parents agree but they are in her time that day. Surely he wants his children to be happy. They are so excited to be going away.