Ex son in law

This situation was resolved in May. Why resurrect the thread now?

Hello,
I am a retired teacher and I feel that this ex SIL is being selfish and jealous. Wherever I was teaching a 2 hour leave for the kids is not a problem given their ages. The vacation time with you and their is more important. I would have your D contact her attorney or solicitor just in case. It's only 2 hours and this is ridiculous in my opinion. I feel terrible for the children!

Very pleased to hear this, in future go along with everything to the letter and NO to the poster who said you play games too DONT that will only cause more trouble and bring you to his level
By agreeing at the last minute your daughter has been made to feel grateful for his benevolence He’s a total Axxx
Enjoy the holiday and don’t let your daughter do anything to hold her to ransome again

Glad to hear the holiday can go ahead as planned.
Has the ex confirmed in writing to the school that he is now in agreement for the children to be collected early on Friday? Your daughter needs to call the school to check that he has done this!

Iam64

The last thing the children or their mother want is to play games. Someone has to be the adult here, that’s the mother.

This ^

If I were your daughter I'd play no games, I'd follow all rules, and (this is the difficult bit) I'd speak nicely of him to everyone. Children have ears, they hear, they observe everything. I'd be the loving adult - I'm sure she is.

The last thing the children or their mother want is to play games. Someone has to be the adult here, that’s the mother.

Sarnia

GrannyIvy

Just to update. My ex SiL has decided my daughter can remove the children from school two hours early on Friday to catch their flight but she has had to pander to his emotional blackmail all week where she has had to allow him extra time with the children in her time. It is a game for him to exert his rights and be in control of all situations. It is sad he has to take to give anything. Going forward leopards don’t change their spots!! We are on holiday now and looking forward to them joining us on Friday. Thank you to all for your comments and advice.

Have a lovely holiday and remind your daughter that 2 can play at that game.

I don’t think the children would benefit from another parent ‘playing games’.

Op, your daughter needs to be smarter than she is right now

3 years after and she still believes in him? Playing his games?

For example:
"She always gives him a detailed itinerary before booking but he is very secretive about what he is doing with them. "

She needs to wake up and smell the coffee.

This is not about the flights, but about her naive attitude towards her ex

Germanshepherdsmum

No, don’t play games.

I wholeheartedly agree. This will cause even more problems and the ones most affected will be the children.

No, don’t play games.

GrannyIvy

Just to update. My ex SiL has decided my daughter can remove the children from school two hours early on Friday to catch their flight but she has had to pander to his emotional blackmail all week where she has had to allow him extra time with the children in her time. It is a game for him to exert his rights and be in control of all situations. It is sad he has to take to give anything. Going forward leopards don’t change their spots!! We are on holiday now and looking forward to them joining us on Friday. Thank you to all for your comments and advice.

Have a lovely holiday and remind your daughter that 2 can play at that game.

That's great news GrannyIvy .

A hard lesson for your D but I hope she's learned from it and that she'll be as pedantic with the 'rules' about the children with him, as he is with her.

Enjoy your holiday.

Children do understand far more than you think, but it is tough for them to see their father behaving this way. If your daughter can avoid criticizing her ex-husband in the hearing of the children in any way, that helps.
My ex-husband was not vindictive in the way this man is, he was just increasingly indifferent, but I avoided criticism as much as possible and was pleased when as adults, both children said, we are grateful you never tried to make us take sides, and they saw him for what he was was. They both have very pleasant in-laws they value far more than their father, whom they rarely see now; his loss.
I hope all goes well for your holiday.

I understand this scenario Granny Ivy we lived with this spiteful behaviour from and ex son in law for years and you’re right to say “leopards don’t change their spots!

It’s exhausting though trying not give them ammunition as we found that everything, absolutely everything was ammunition to that type of personality. Revenge and spite is top of their list the children are the ones who in my option suffer the most.

I wish you and your family well.

ferry23, the school are aware of the background. The father emailed the head teacher setting out his objection to the children leaving early. The school know about the court order. Lies to school would be a bad idea in these circumstances

I'd phone up the school in the morning and say they're not well

Thanks for the update GrannyIvy, enjoy your holiday

Yes, a goid outcome- even if very frustrating!

She is well off out of this relationship.
Have a truly lovely break!

Very glad everything has worked out for you. Enjoy the holiday!

Just to update. My ex SiL has decided my daughter can remove the children from school two hours early on Friday to catch their flight but she has had to pander to his emotional blackmail all week where she has had to allow him extra time with the children in her time. It is a game for him to exert his rights and be in control of all situations. It is sad he has to take to give anything. Going forward leopards don’t change their spots!! We are on holiday now and looking forward to them joining us on Friday. Thank you to all for your comments and advice.

The 10 year old gets frustrated with him though and said to me yesterday why is my daddy so difficult? It is hard.

Children understand more than some parents think.
We had friends years ago who went through a very acrimonious divorce and the father was very difficult. The older two children refused to see him eventually and when he came to pick them up they refused to go.

I have a friend who was in the same situation. Even though she and her ex have both re married he continues to be a total bastard, but at least she's got wise to his nasty little games now, so they don't have the same affect.

His behaviour still affects their children though, despite her best efforts.

She still believes in him and tries to work with him but has to accept how he is which she finds hard. I keep well away from him never see him and never badmouth to the children as he is their Dad. The 10 year old gets frustrated with him though and said to me yesterday why is my daddy so difficult? It is hard. The headteacher at the school is supportive to my daughter as she has experienced problems with him. I will let everyone know the outcome. He will torment my daughter over the next week and probably then allow her to take the children as planned. He plays a game. He made difficulties last year for different reasons. Life isn’t easy and I’m sure many others in this situation. Going fwd tho she must keep in CO guidelines accept no negotiation is possible with him unless he benefits. Very sad.

Just chiming to say I’m sure your right op he’s doing it just to be difficult but that doesn’t change the facts. Your daughter would be doing herself a huge disservice to violate the court order even when it’s clear he’s just being spiteful.

Thanks for getting back to us GrannyIvy.

They have been apart for three years and now divorced and prior to this he came on the annual May half term week holiday and was more than happy for the children to miss a few days school to accommodate a cheaper flight

That gives a fairly clear indication that this is an act of spite.

I hope the holiday works out for the children, mum and you.

I think posters on here will heave a sigh of relief if we hear from you at the airport - or on the actual holiday! Good luck!