My daughter told her husband she wanted a divorce over 6 months ago and they started the process in January. Things are progressing slowly partly because he is invested in maintaining the status quo. He has been financially dependent on her. They are still living together as they have two young children and want to keep things stable until they have sorted out the details. All my family know what is happening and are very supportive. He has not told his parents yet. From my perspective, I think this is because he does not want to be seen as "less than". He lost his job in the past and did not tell them.
I feel uncomfortable that they do not know and that it will be a shock for them when things are finalised. I also feel it's unfair on my daughter who has to pretend that things are normal when they visit, I don't think she should be involved in deceiving them. She won't discuss it with him as he is controlling and argumentative and she is trying to minimise any opportunities for argument or debate. He is intransigent anyway.
I have always had an amicable relationship with his parents although they are not nearby and I see them rarely. Would it be unreasonable to message them as if they already knew, in the spirit of supporting each other and maintaining a mature relationship moving forward? Or should I leave well alone and just continue to support my daughter as best I can?
