Daughter abroad doesn’t want us to move too far from airport

I think your dayghter does not have the right to decide where you live. Yes, we have a daughter abroad too. She also visits 1 to 3 times a year. She was used to travelling home from the Eurostar trainstation to where we live on her own, now she has two small children we go up and meet her. When she decided to go and live far(ther) from home she knew what she was in for, we talked about it. Just like your daughter "she made her bed and now she has to sleep in it" but then in a good way 😊

Hi, I’ve a son, daughter in law and grandchildren in USA, I live in Norfolk a three hour drive from Heathrow, the drives a pain but my son wouldn’t dream of asking me to move nearer to an airport, your long term health and happiness come before anything else

What? No you’re not selfish but your daughter is! She wants you to stay near an airport to convenience her 1-3 times a year? Really? Good grief. Move nearer to your friends and live your life how you want it. If she can’t be arsed to get on a coach, train or whatever 1-3 times a year that’s her choice. If you want to do the long drive to pick her up that your choice. If her objections are based on the long flight being tiring plus then hours on more public transport she could overnight at an airport hotel before continuing. You can’t live the rest of your life for her convenience!! Selfish of her indeed.

Hope the viewing goes well!

I think it’s your time to do what you want to do. She made her choice now you make yours! Good luck!

As a lurker, we have a friend who is a citizen of the US, but his family are based in Norfolk. He flys in to Norwich from the States via Amsterdam, it’s not a problem and he’s nearly 80 too, so you move to wherever suits you.
Her choice her problem.

Her decision to live where she chooses and your decision to live where you choose. She is being very selfish to suggest you should live in a place more convenient for her on her annual visits.

That’s so selfish - what about wanting what’s best for you

I would first find out what your daughter's anxieties really are. Then do the usual child reassurance based on your 45 years practice, then get straight on to the agents and go for it. You deserve your retirement, as do we all, as will she when her time comes.

Another vote for move. I think there will be ways round it when she does come. Maybe an overnight stay when she gets to the uk…..a different airport….something will change because it has to. If it was me I’d explain to her that we have to consider our own happiness at this time of our lives and we can’t live somewhere we don’t want to solely on the basis of a few visits a year. I think perhaps the possible change of circumstances has made her feel a little insecure….but then she did choose to move there in the first place. I’d leave your decision with her and in time, she’ll probably get used to the idea.

So selfish if ur daughter to say that to be honest. If she's capable of getting a transatlantic flight to come back home, I'm sure she can jump on a train in London to get to you.
How about she moves back from America to be near you as you get to the age and stage when you might appreciate her help!
Start talking about what she might do for you to help her appreciate it works both ways.

I will agree with your replies.
As you say, your daughter has flown the nest to live abroad. So you go where you want to live, especially as you say you have friends living in Norfolk and may need someone when much older. In the end she may change her mind and appreciate your move.

I have a son who lives in NZ and who came to visit last December. I also live far from a main airport so he arranged to hire a car as I am partially blind so not able to drive to have met him.

If she only visits 1-3 times a year, it would be a no brainer… My Sister and Brother in Law moved to Suffolk/Norfolk area to be close to one daughter and family. To get to the hospital it’s a couple of hours drive… Another point is moving to be close to a friend/s, I would have liked to have done that… but glad we didn’t… a friend of mine for many years, teenage years, hasn’t spoken since 2020 and no idea why… (Although having spoken to others reckon it could be jealousy of how my Son, DiL and GC are with us - but who knows only she does).

I do hope your daughter can come to the conclusion that you need to do what you need to do to live your life comfortably. As you get older you might find the support of your friends useful especially if you haven't got your daughter living in the same country. It sounds selfish of her but I bet she doesn't see you as needing any support any time soon as she hasn't really thought it through. However selfish it might sound though, listen to her concerns about the house you are thinking of buying to see if they have any merit. The balance between being dismissive and receiving advice gracefully can get skewed when feeling run high. Good luck.

Absolutely do what you would like to do. Norfolk is a lovely county.

I think this is your and your hubbys time to do what you want in your twilight years . In my view your daughter is being selfish only thinking of herself . Do want us right for you , even if it means she visits less often . There are always video calls

It is beyond belief that any daughter would make such selfish unreasonable demands on how her parents choose to spend their retirement! I think I would be inclined to tell her not to bother to visit anymore if she finds the small extra journey to Norfolk too much trouble! Happy retirement, Norfolk is beautiful, as is Lincolnshire xx

I'm agree with GNs here. It's your life and you must do what's best for you. Your DD moved somewhere to live her own life - and you are entitled to do exactly the same! (You're planning to stay in England - not moving to Timbuctoo.) As others have said, your DD is being selfish. Wishing you every happiness as you move on with your plans.

Seems to me that there's selfish and there's darned selfish.
What right has she to dictate where you choose to live, based on the convenience to herself when she deigns to pay you a visit?

This is your life; you owe it to yourelves to live it as you choose. It's hard to advise anyone on how to interact with their relatives, let alone an offpsring, but - well - I am open-mouthed over your daughter's frank admission of egocentricity.

Mel25

thank you! She told me lots of reasons the house we like is a really bad choice. We have a second viewing on Sunday so we’ll see….

There’s a surprise….not!

Go for it, good luck for your next adventure!

She's a cheeky mare, who does she think she is? You move nearer your friends to enjoy the rest of your lives,

You really must think of your own needs. Your daughter moved away and has her life. I have always said good friends can be so much more supportive than some family members.

I agree with everyone else here, to look after yourselves and live your life.
We had a similar situation when our son flew into Stansted and wanted picking up. Tell her you could do this if she puts you up at the Radisson Blue for the night to break your journey. The tower bar is amazing. We did this to collect our son by car, but he was a poor student then on his gap year, so we didn’t make him pay!

Mel25

thank you! She told me lots of reasons the house we like is a really bad choice. We have a second viewing on Sunday so we’ll see….

Of course take her thoughts on board - but you may find that they don't seem important to you.

Of course Stansted only flies to Orlando - so it obviously depends where she's living anyway if she wants to travel one-hop without any changes.