Grandchild doesn't like me

Even when at 4 she was relatively fine with me, Gdd2 really kicked off one night. She was in the bath, perfectly happy, until SiL (dd was away for work) put his head round the door to say (in ‘code’) that he was going to pick up Gdd from karate.

Well. She twigged, was out of the bath in a flash, screaming for daddy, but he’d gone. She wouldn’t let me dry her or put her pyjamas on and the screaming went on for 10 minutes - until she collapsed on a sofa and fell instantly asleep!

Was fine when she woke up a few minutes later, when Gdd1 returned from Brownies.
Phew!

My last DGD was a bit like this with me but I just let it flow past . I think it was her other nana was the one who cared for her while her parents were at work and collected her from nursery etc .
My DIL lost her mum when DGD was about 5 which meant I picked up the slack .
She’s 12 now and being assessed for autism but she also suffers from bad anxiety. Guess who she phones when she is having a meltdown? Yes me , so that shows I’m someone she trusts now .?

I am amazed at how many grown wmen are so dependent on everyone loving them.

Family are people like everyone else. Some we will get on with, some we won't. - and that applies to children as well. I doted on my maternal grandmother but was not overly keen on my paternal grandparent. The feeling was, I think, mutual.

My just 3 year old Grandson arrived this morning to stay for a few hours while he Mummy went to an exercise class and another appointment.
He wouldn’t move from the hallway as he didn’t want to be at Nanas house.
I told him I would carry on with what I was doing and he could join me when he was ready.
Three hours later he didn’t want to go home, he wanted to stay at Nanas . 😁

I had a granddaughter like that. I just gnored her. She came round, we're very close now.

It is very upsetting when you feel ignored and unloved.
My grandson Adam who has autism ignored me completely until he was 5. I had tried everything to engage with him during his early years. I also felt so guilty that I wasn’t able to take some pressure off my daughter at a very stressful time for her. I eventually decided to back off and let Adam come to me. I am really happy to say that it worked! He is now 14 and we are joined at the hip! Our relationship is amazing. Don’t give up hope - it will come good with time and lots of patience!

Dear Wheelchairgran
Do not take this so personally.
It’s happened to me and I’m not in a wheelchair! My granddaughter has been like this with me almost since birth. She’s now 10 and diagnosed with ADHD. She only wants cuddles and conversations with her mum. I don’t try to force her to like me. She can’t help the way she is hopefully in time, for her sake, she will
change.

I sometimes think my 4 year old granddaughter doesn't like me. She won't let me read to her, won't kiss me goodbye and doesn't really engage with me at all. She was a lockdown baby and clings to her mother if I try to talk to her. I have a very close relationship with her brother, now 10. He has always been so affectionate towards me. I am not pushing things with my granddaughter, and trust she will come round in time.

Sounds perfectly normal behaviour as far as I can see. My DGS wne through a stage of ignoring me and avoiding me and only taking notice of his grandfather.

After about a year or so he grew out of it. I put it down to having 2 grandmas, one who lived near who he saw a lot of and me, but DH was his only grandfather so had novelty value.

Great.post, Whiff.

I only see them every couple of weeks, so it’s ok 😂

Fortunately, all my grandchildren like me - that’s because I never go empty handed. Not big presents, just a little something. If that’s bribery and corruption, so be it .

Whiff, what a great answer, you sound like a fab Nana x

My youngest grandson is now 3 and he has never been much fond of me! He adores his mother (my daughter) as she has devoted herself to him completely. When I turn up at their home he knows it’s to babysit while his mother goes out! He pushes me away and it makes me feel awful!. I know I can win him over by giving him sweets and sometimes I do that but it isn’t a good solution at all!
He does seem to be getting a bit better so I am just going to stick it out and see what happens!

It is easy to be hurt if a GC is less than loving, but it happens for no reason other than pot luck. Our GS was two years older than GD and a dream child by comparison. I eventually realised that the other GPs who lived closer had the same "issue" with GD. So it wasn't just us. It got so bad that I almost dreaded being with her, especially if we were in charge of her. Move on till she started school and she changed dramatically (no idea why) and became a very loving girl, which has continued since then. She is ten this weekend and I can't wait to see her. GS on the other hand is getting to the age when he thinks all adults are stupid - only little hints so far thank goodness.

It isn't personal, just bide your time. Your disability might be a bit strange to her but she'll soon get used to it, especially if it is explained what you can and cannot do. Oh, and our GD simply HATED being read to

Good luck.

A child of two often seems to take a dislike to one or other of her grandparents or to a friend of her parents', or simply to all strangers.

How do her parents react to her behaviour towards you?

This as others have said is really the key point.

I do not agree that it is only her parents who should correct her, I would long since have said, "Don't say shush to me, young lady" if any child had told me to shush every time I spoke to her, but discuss this with her parents.

I doubt your being in a wheel-chair has anything to do with this, and in my opinion the child is far too young to understand why this should be necessary, so trying to explain it to her would be a waste of time.

I know it is hard, but do try not to be hurt by her attitude.

Ignoring her rudeness might be the best way forward,

My three year old thoroughly disliked me, mainly because I was a frequent babysitter so he knew mummy was going out if I was there! He is autistic so the change didn't help. We weren't close enough to just pop over but between my son and his wife and ourselves we began to meet up regularly when they didn't leave which definitely helped. We didn't make him the centre of attention and gradually he began to interact with us on his own terms.
Maybe your wheelchair could be a cuddle chair as long as it's not painful for you. Is she your only grandchild? If not, maybe a family get together would show how her cousins behave with you.
I definitely wouldn't sweat it, I'm sure she will gradually come round.

My grandson was a lockdown baby and consequently very dependant on mummy. Often he demands she does things for him despite there being other adults around who are willing to help. I know he adores my DD as she plays physical games with him which I can't do due to age etc. He also adores his granddad, my DiL's dad. The other granny and I have both experienced his rejection but hope we'll come into our own when he's older as we'll be better at doing different things with him - less physical..

However when DD and I made a video call together to the family he wouldn't talk to us as he was busy playing, however his way of saying it was "Not like Bekah" which we know isn't true as he adores her in person. When I have been with him in person and she phoned me he even climbed on my lap to talk to her - something he wouldn't normally do with me - as he was in the mood that time. I know he prefers her to me but that is because she can play with him in ways I can't. I was nervous of looking after him by myself because of this but when we were alone together he was fine with me. He just prefers mummy or my DD. He even sometimes rejects my son, his dad, if mummy is around. We had some nice times when I looked after him as his mum went out to work instead of working from home and he was fine with me. I still hope our relationship will improve as he gets older and can express his feelings better.

As others have said, young children often can't express things clearly so they say things in the wrong way. If your GD is telling you to shush it is likely she is playing happily and doesn't want a conversation or to be interrupted from her play. My GS does that too but if he's in the mood will hold a conversation now especially as he is a bit older - he was three and a half when I last spent time with him.

I live 200 miles away so don't see him as often as I'd like. His one year old sister is much easier with me but it will be interesting to see if she behaves similarly when she can talk. She is much more amenable to being helped by any adult unless she is very distressed about something but she wasn't born in lockdown so has had experince of wider contact from a younger age.

I hope things improve as your GD gets older. I'm sure it will.

This is a brilliant book which we used to use in school all the time. Perhaps you could buy it as a little gift for her - www.amazon.co.uk/Okay-Different-Todd-Parr-Classics/dp/0316043478/ref=asc_df_0316043478/?hvlocphy=9045402&linkCode=df0&hvptwo&psc=1&psc=1&hvnetw=g&mcid=2d4d7f7b05843949b05ecdc0b3645be4&hvadid=310850997089&hvpone&hvlocint&th=1&hvpos&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt&tag=gransnetforum-21&hvtargid=pla-458895638074&hvrand=844920206002156071

Totally normal behavior for that age, has nothing to do with the wheelchair. My now 3 year old GD did that to me at 2, now she doesn’t. I had three of my own. They mimic behavior to learn, so when we shush them or tell them no, they think that’s what they should be doing too. Nothing personal, just learning how to be a human. It’s exasperating but passes quickly, just a phase.

First of all, do not be cowed by this and do not assume it is your disability. She is testing boundaries, which is natural. Remain calm and keep your voice neutral, but say something like: " I will not sh! when I have something to say", and carry on your conversation. I wouldn't be intruding too much with 'helping' her. Ignore the negative and praise the positive. What do the parents do about this? I would hope they say: "Granny will not be quiet. She is talking to me, so you just carry on with what you are doing" Don't try and reason - she's too young for that. I think this is just an annoying phase, as long as it is not indulged. There is a very sensible granny, Lisa Bunnage, on BratBuster Parenting: "Kids want, need and crave a calm, fair, reasonable, confident leader"; bratbusters.com

Now at 12 he messages me, hey Grandma, I haven’t seen you for a while, do you want to pick me up from school one day so we can have a catch up?

They all go through phases, and 2.5 - 4 they are asserting themselves. Don’t worry, she’ll probably adore you in the end!

My grandson, aged 8.
Me:You really need to clean your teeth Monty, otherwise you’ll end up with bad, yellow teeth! And that won’t look very nice will it?
Monty: I don’t meant to be rude Grandma, but YOUR teeth are quite yellow!

Another time, when the same grandson was about 6.
Why have you got 3 tummies Grandma?
Oh, he meant, boobs, midriff bulge, tummy bulge! 😂

My oldest grandchild - grandson - used to immediately say ‘Where’s Granpa?’ If I answered the phone, and even used to ask to see the cat! My son was mortified, O just used to laugh it off, but inside I felt very hurt as well. Especially as they live very near their ‘other’ granny and grandpa!

Anyway, we get on fine now - for some reason, he found my DH more interesting than he found me!

Just carry on showing that you love her, and she’ll get the idea that you’re a nice granny very quickly!

One of my GD's just said to me"you do know you're not my favorite granny ,dont you" she was about 4 at the time.Other granny lives hundreds of miles away in the osuth of England and she only saw her a few times a year .I said that fine ,we cant be everybody's favourite,and we carried on as before.Now she msgs me,phones me keeps me up to date with her life almost daily and is forever arranging a couple of nights at our house with her sister and cousins .
Her Dad wasannoyed about the remark but I saw no harm in her being honest and we love each other to bits