Grandchild doesn't like me

Maybe it is the wheelchair and shes confused why you’re not walking but her mum should be helping maybe finding a story to read to her about disabilities
I presume her mum or dad is with her when she visits so it really is up to them to be educating, explaining kindness etc and to be honest no child whatever age should be telling you to shush when you try to speak to her
I think the answer lies in the parents Have you talked to them about how it makes you feel
When she gets a bit braver maybe a ride on nannas knee would be exciting

My granddaughter loathed me at that age. She would throw things at me, leave the room if I went in, etc. it passed. We are now pretty close.
Be patient!

I was born disabled. When I was 29 my health got worse and because out children where 4 and 6 months old because my walking got worse and pain through the roof only way we could go at as a family I used a wheelchair until the children got older. But have used a stick since I was 29 now 66. My children and their friends grew up knowing about disability and I wasn't treat as odd.

I found children more accepting of disability than some adults this was in 1988 and to this day. As the years went by I was able to manage with just my stick . After my husband died aged 47. I managed with my stick and was asked lots of times why I had one by children . So I explained their parents all had the same reaction of horror and apologised for there child asking but always says it was fine and after explaining they thanked me .

My grandsons are growing up with a disabled nan and love using my stick to walk with.

It isn't the wheelchair that your grandchild is reacting to but at 2. 5 all children tell you to shush and be quiet.

Why are you embarrassed about being in a wheelchair if you are projecting this feeling your grandchild may picking up on that.
Embrace you disability have you explained to your grandchild why you are in a wheelchair if not do so. Also next time your grandchild says shush or be quiet tell them to shush and be quiet.

My hands tremble all the time my daughter's eldest tells me I am getting better at colouring as I am staying in the lines more. When out with them because of my neurological condition and have what is called at strange walking gait and my body makes me veer off from a straight line . So can be walking along and end up an aisle in a shop I didn't intend to go up. I hear my daughter say where's nannie and the 3 year old has started to say she will be back when she can stop. When the boys where younger my daughter said it was like herding cats with the 3 of us.

I have a friend who is in an electronic wheelchair chair her children and grandchildren have grown up with her in it and they all have used it as a climbing frame and make it into a game.

Child no matter how young pick up on how you are feeling. Do you play with your grandchild? I know you say doesn't come near you but do you go to them . Is it in your home or the child's this happens ? If it's your home have you got toys you have brought for them to play with ? I have 3 large boxes of toys which my grandsons love. But what they really love is nannies micro fibre gloves for dusting ,my long handled dusters ,hand held vacuum and the 3 year old my carpet sweeper. They love cleaning my bungalow. Plus they make a den using my pressure cushion over the gap between my armchair and settee with blankets and they have a torch each .

I have baked with my own child since little and do it with my grandsons but my way as I have found a way to do things I want. My daughter and son in law have always trusted me to babysit the boys since babies and fed and changed nappies. Have you done any of these things?

Do you have to sit in your wheelchair or can you sit in a comfy chair? If you can and they come to your home do that but leave your wheelchair out and I bet any money your grandchild with climb in to it. And play.

What struck me was you saying you are embarrassed. Disability is nothing to be embarrassed about it doesn't mean incapable . Embrace your disability and learn to love your differences. And your grandchild will pick up on that. Have you forgotten what your own child was like at 2. 5 they are little sods ? It's not called the terrible 2 for nothing.

How hurtful for you.
Two things occur to me and I apologise if they do not apply to you. It is not your fault so don’t blame yourself.
Tinies learn by example, they copy what those around them do especially mummy and daddy..
Is she “shushed” by her parents or older siblings?
How do her parents behave with you? Are they demonstrably affectionate? Do they listen to your opinions? She will copy what she sees.
Secondly, she is getting away with being rude(even at2) and it is not your job to correct that but her parents.”We don’t talk to Granny like that” “That’s not nice, “ “Don’t be grumpy with Granny”
Years (abut 30) ago my nephew, then 3 or 4 used to behave a bit like that with Granny and his mum my SIL couldn’t see it. One day when we were all together he threw something at Granny and our 3 girls (12,10 and 7 ) took outside and said something like ”That was not nice, she’s our Granny too and we love her. If you want us to be your friends you’ve got to be nicer to granny”
It worked. He idolised his big cousins and would do anything they said especially when they were around her!

This is a phase - it will pass. She is only 2, and cannot reason as adults do. She is dealing with something outside her experience. She will be fine in time. Bide your time. All will be well.

I agree with above. I once went to visit a cousin who had very wiry red hair. I had never seen anyone who looked like him before and screamed my head off. He took it in good part though and smiled at me. He was a lovely man with a unique look and I felt bad about it for years, but I was only little and didn't mean make him feel bad.

I’m sorry, OP, it must be very upsetting for you.

My youngest Gdc was certainly not very keen on me for quite a while - it came as something of a shock, since the two elder were always so very loving from babies. She would cry if I picked her up from nursery - she wanted daddy - but it was exactly the same with the other granny if she was helping out while dd was away.

Now 4, she’s fine with me, so it’s much better, but she still doesn’t welcome cuddles as her siblings always have. I have to accept that it’s just the way she is - otherwise she’s very bright, chatty and funny.

Sadly I had very good reason to detest my paternal grandmother. From the age of two she would describe the tortures of hell awaiting a naughty child, like me!! . Her children were frightened of the evil so and so, apart from her youngest son, who could never do anything wrong according to her. The only time in my life when I have danced, or ever wanted to, was on her grave!

I am a granny and a teacher , and been involved with small children in lots of ways over the years. So firstly, at that age she is not able to express exactly how she feels or ask relevant questions about things that bother her. If her parents havent explained the chair use to her in a way she can understand she may have worries about it , as it is something she is not used to seeing. If you are stressed now by the way she behaves your body language may be giving her mixed messages. As for the shush , there are a couple of things that may be causing this. She may never have the opportunity to say this to others and now she has the chance to say this and get a reaction, which makes her feel in control. Alternatively she could be just being rude and meaning to be like this. At two if you remember your own children they are just finding out the great ability to say NO and take some control of their own lives, which up till then then have just had to do what adults tell them to.

Ideas that might work to improve matters.
If you can have a couple of books suitable for a child that age with you. So the paperback version of The Very Hungry Caterpillar, would not be hard to hold and you could turn the pages and read it aloud but in a quietish voice. Ignore her "shush"ing and carry on turning the pages and looking at the picture. Dont appeal to her to join you, or ask her if she likes it, but let her be drawn to the story and want to look at the book. If she comes close to you, dont comment on this but just show her the pictures and respond to what she says.

Have you got a light tray that would be comfortable for you to have across your chair? Dont know if you have a Button Bag with all your spare buttons in . We used to love spilling the buttons out and making flowers with them and patterns.
So anything safe that can be sorted and made into pictures or patterns. Perhaps her parents have a couple of very simple jigsaws that you could make up, or you could make a very simple jigsaw from paper , by looking for a brightly coloured picture in a magazine, cutting it out and into large pieces. Do the same with another picture and then mix the pieces together and put them mixed up on your tray. You then start looking for the pieces to make up one picture. Just carry on and dont expect her to join you and she may come to look of her own accord, or you can deliberately drop one piece on the floor and ask her to get it for you. So just be yourself, dont pressure her to join you in anything but be welcoming.
Again with the tray you could have playdoh or I have made pastry in the past and had different shaped cutters . So long as your tray or board is clean you can cut out shapes or have a little baking tray to cut out pastry and make jam tarts to be baked and eaten. We are all basically animals and if you look in the animal kingdom, anything new has to tested out slowly and you have to wait for the animal to approach you in its own time when it feels safe and comfortable to do so. Even if you have food for an animal its instinct is to take things slowly and make sure it is safe to approach. If you think of her in that way you will understand that she is not showing that she doesnt like you. It is much more likely that she doesnt see you often enough yet to have become accustomed to finding the chair immediately approachable, and at 2 if she doesnt see you every day it still can seem strange to her. So just be yourself and do what you normally do and let her get used to how and what you do and let her set the pace. I think you will find as she comes to connect your chair with fun things to do and lovely stories read she will relax and you will get along fine.
Dont forget that once she is used to the chair you will actually be more approachable than a standing adult. Also do you have any other children who visit you and who are used to your chair and behave normally and bring things to you? If you do then perhaps she might visit at the same time and she will see there is nothing to worry about , and of course she wont want to be left out. Do you play what I think we called Kims Game with other children? Where you have objects on a tray and then remove one and they have to look to see what has been moved? That would be a good game to play with her when she is more used to you.
My only word of warning is I would never try to coax her with things like sweets cakes etc. It would be a bad precedent to set and you want her to choose to be with you not what you have. Good luck and I would love to know if any of this works for you

I do not think two year olds can choose to be rude. They do not yet understand the concept. We interpret what they say/do as rude because we know the social niceties ... they do not!

I agree with madeleine, I would just ignore her while she’s sorting stuff out in her own wee head, and if you’re doing something which interests her, she’ll come round in her own time.
Just go at her pace.

One of my GD's just said to me"you do know you're not my favorite granny ,dont you" she was about 4 at the time.Other granny lives hundreds of miles away in the osuth of England and she only saw her a few times a year .I said that fine ,we cant be everybody's favourite,and we carried on as before.Now she msgs me,phones me keeps me up to date with her life almost daily and is forever arranging a couple of nights at our house with her sister and cousins .
Her Dad wasannoyed about the remark but I saw no harm in her being honest and we love each other to bits

My oldest grandchild - grandson - used to immediately say ‘Where’s Granpa?’ If I answered the phone, and even used to ask to see the cat! My son was mortified, O just used to laugh it off, but inside I felt very hurt as well. Especially as they live very near their ‘other’ granny and grandpa!

Anyway, we get on fine now - for some reason, he found my DH more interesting than he found me!

Just carry on showing that you love her, and she’ll get the idea that you’re a nice granny very quickly!

My grandson, aged 8.
Me:You really need to clean your teeth Monty, otherwise you’ll end up with bad, yellow teeth! And that won’t look very nice will it?
Monty: I don’t meant to be rude Grandma, but YOUR teeth are quite yellow!

Another time, when the same grandson was about 6.
Why have you got 3 tummies Grandma?
Oh, he meant, boobs, midriff bulge, tummy bulge! 😂

Now at 12 he messages me, hey Grandma, I haven’t seen you for a while, do you want to pick me up from school one day so we can have a catch up?

They all go through phases, and 2.5 - 4 they are asserting themselves. Don’t worry, she’ll probably adore you in the end!

First of all, do not be cowed by this and do not assume it is your disability. She is testing boundaries, which is natural. Remain calm and keep your voice neutral, but say something like: " I will not sh! when I have something to say", and carry on your conversation. I wouldn't be intruding too much with 'helping' her. Ignore the negative and praise the positive. What do the parents do about this? I would hope they say: "Granny will not be quiet. She is talking to me, so you just carry on with what you are doing" Don't try and reason - she's too young for that. I think this is just an annoying phase, as long as it is not indulged. There is a very sensible granny, Lisa Bunnage, on BratBuster Parenting: "Kids want, need and crave a calm, fair, reasonable, confident leader"; bratbusters.com

Totally normal behavior for that age, has nothing to do with the wheelchair. My now 3 year old GD did that to me at 2, now she doesn’t. I had three of my own. They mimic behavior to learn, so when we shush them or tell them no, they think that’s what they should be doing too. Nothing personal, just learning how to be a human. It’s exasperating but passes quickly, just a phase.

This is a brilliant book which we used to use in school all the time. Perhaps you could buy it as a little gift for her - www.amazon.co.uk/Okay-Different-Todd-Parr-Classics/dp/0316043478/ref=asc_df_0316043478/?hvlocphy=9045402&linkCode=df0&hvptwo&psc=1&psc=1&hvnetw=g&mcid=2d4d7f7b05843949b05ecdc0b3645be4&hvadid=310850997089&hvpone&hvlocint&th=1&hvpos&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt&tag=gransnetforum-21&hvtargid=pla-458895638074&hvrand=844920206002156071

My grandson was a lockdown baby and consequently very dependant on mummy. Often he demands she does things for him despite there being other adults around who are willing to help. I know he adores my DD as she plays physical games with him which I can't do due to age etc. He also adores his granddad, my DiL's dad. The other granny and I have both experienced his rejection but hope we'll come into our own when he's older as we'll be better at doing different things with him - less physical..

However when DD and I made a video call together to the family he wouldn't talk to us as he was busy playing, however his way of saying it was "Not like Bekah" which we know isn't true as he adores her in person. When I have been with him in person and she phoned me he even climbed on my lap to talk to her - something he wouldn't normally do with me - as he was in the mood that time. I know he prefers her to me but that is because she can play with him in ways I can't. I was nervous of looking after him by myself because of this but when we were alone together he was fine with me. He just prefers mummy or my DD. He even sometimes rejects my son, his dad, if mummy is around. We had some nice times when I looked after him as his mum went out to work instead of working from home and he was fine with me. I still hope our relationship will improve as he gets older and can express his feelings better.

As others have said, young children often can't express things clearly so they say things in the wrong way. If your GD is telling you to shush it is likely she is playing happily and doesn't want a conversation or to be interrupted from her play. My GS does that too but if he's in the mood will hold a conversation now especially as he is a bit older - he was three and a half when I last spent time with him.

I live 200 miles away so don't see him as often as I'd like. His one year old sister is much easier with me but it will be interesting to see if she behaves similarly when she can talk. She is much more amenable to being helped by any adult unless she is very distressed about something but she wasn't born in lockdown so has had experince of wider contact from a younger age.

I hope things improve as your GD gets older. I'm sure it will.

My three year old thoroughly disliked me, mainly because I was a frequent babysitter so he knew mummy was going out if I was there! He is autistic so the change didn't help. We weren't close enough to just pop over but between my son and his wife and ourselves we began to meet up regularly when they didn't leave which definitely helped. We didn't make him the centre of attention and gradually he began to interact with us on his own terms.
Maybe your wheelchair could be a cuddle chair as long as it's not painful for you. Is she your only grandchild? If not, maybe a family get together would show how her cousins behave with you.
I definitely wouldn't sweat it, I'm sure she will gradually come round.

A child of two often seems to take a dislike to one or other of her grandparents or to a friend of her parents', or simply to all strangers.

How do her parents react to her behaviour towards you?

This as others have said is really the key point.

I do not agree that it is only her parents who should correct her, I would long since have said, "Don't say shush to me, young lady" if any child had told me to shush every time I spoke to her, but discuss this with her parents.

I doubt your being in a wheel-chair has anything to do with this, and in my opinion the child is far too young to understand why this should be necessary, so trying to explain it to her would be a waste of time.

I know it is hard, but do try not to be hurt by her attitude.

Ignoring her rudeness might be the best way forward,

It is easy to be hurt if a GC is less than loving, but it happens for no reason other than pot luck. Our GS was two years older than GD and a dream child by comparison. I eventually realised that the other GPs who lived closer had the same "issue" with GD. So it wasn't just us. It got so bad that I almost dreaded being with her, especially if we were in charge of her. Move on till she started school and she changed dramatically (no idea why) and became a very loving girl, which has continued since then. She is ten this weekend and I can't wait to see her. GS on the other hand is getting to the age when he thinks all adults are stupid - only little hints so far thank goodness.

It isn't personal, just bide your time. Your disability might be a bit strange to her but she'll soon get used to it, especially if it is explained what you can and cannot do. Oh, and our GD simply HATED being read to

Good luck.

My youngest grandson is now 3 and he has never been much fond of me! He adores his mother (my daughter) as she has devoted herself to him completely. When I turn up at their home he knows it’s to babysit while his mother goes out! He pushes me away and it makes me feel awful!. I know I can win him over by giving him sweets and sometimes I do that but it isn’t a good solution at all!
He does seem to be getting a bit better so I am just going to stick it out and see what happens!

Whiff, what a great answer, you sound like a fab Nana x