Don't want to be unkind,but....

Know it’s hard if it’s not in your nature to be rude or unkind and it can be uncomfortable but you have to be pretty blunt with some people . If she takes offense so be it. Good luck

Poor you . You need to be more blunt. Her sister is moving away soon ( I wonder why ?!) Tell her you haven’t the emotional or financial or practical capacity to help her and you like a quiet life and would like to be left in peace.

To be honest it does sound “stalky” If she persists Id tell her you’ll report her for harassment. You sound like someone who’s sometimes too kind for their own good. I do hope things get better for you .

No Thatsnotmeinthemirror you are definitely not being unreasonable. Glad to hear that you are usually quite assertive. Use this to set boundaries with this person, tell her when you are and are not available, what you can and cannot do to help her, when and when is not convenient to ring you. If she is always asking you to do things for her ask her to do something for you, can you put my bin out, can you pick up some shopping for me. If she drives ask her for lifts. She will soon get fed up when she realises she cannot manipulate you. Keep strong and hold her at arms length.

Not in the least. What an unpleasant, entitled woman. I think you will need to grasp the nettle and not be afraid of upsetting her - you don’t need her in your life. Tell her very firmly that you are not in a position to assist her with anything and if she requires help with anything she will have to hire a professional. Tell her that in no circumstances is she to phone or visit you again and say goodbye. I know it sounds rude but it’s the only way to deal with people like her who see you as a handy unpaid factotum. Good luck and don’t feel guilty. Block her number and, if you can, get a doorbell which allows you to see who’s there - and ignore her.

I would block her number in my phone and I would also ignore her knocking on my door. I too like peace and quiet .

You have to be firm with this one.Which means telling her you’re not available for the foreseeable future, you shouldn’t have to use an excuse but if you do say private health matters and leave it at that.Some people are leeches.

You sound like a kind, caring person who has been taken advantage of. I think you will have to be more blunt with your friend’s sister before the situation gets worse.

I agree with previous posters. Sometimes it's necessary to confront an issue head on. In this case I think if you are not clear that you don't want contact with this woman then things will only escalate. Already her behaviour seems odd by getting into your building etc. Good luck Thatsnotmeinthemirror

Thank you for your kind replies. I've always been a bit of a loner . I've been friendly with lots of people but never had a " best " friend which suits me fine. I love reading, writing, music and meditation. I suspected this women is over the top but wondered if it was me! I think she sees me as a human resource, not to be wasted when her ( delightful and kind) sister moves away.
I had a similar issue many years ago when a neighbour turned up everyday to sit in my kitchen . I must have one of those faces ! In that case I had to be very firm and can see I will have to be again. Thank you all .

How did you get involved with your colleagues sister? You have no reason to be involved with her surely. Please don’t let yourself be driven into distress because you have absolutely no reason to be involved with her. Just avoid, avoid and avoid her.

You do not want to hurt her , and you do not want your own time and energy taken up by her when you prefer not to engage with her. You can remain civilised and courteous and also clear about your own boundaries and wishes. She may not like it but we cannot always please everyone else, and the risk is that you and your reasonable needs are what give way. So be assertive - this is not the same as aggressive of course. Say something like : I understand you'd like me to do (xyz - whatever it is she is asking).However, I prefer not to do it/take it on..." Simple, no need to apologise, and no need to explain if you do not want to.

Defintely block her number on your phone and if she says she cannot get through to you, Just say that you have blocked her number because you do not want her to phone you.

Thank you . I became involved when her sister ( my colleague ) was having an awful time. At first it seemed we were both trying to help but gradually I discovered that she was turning up whenever I was at her sisters house . She wasn't much help( quite the opposite) but as her sister seemed to accept her constant presence, I think I did too. To be honest she seems to love a drama . Thinking back ,she was dismissive of her sisters situation and possibly manipulative towards her. She liked to discuss the problem with anyone who would listen and has actually been very opinionated about my own disability ! When she has very little knowledge of my condition . Yes I will have to be very assertive ! Does anyone remember Hyacinth Bucket and her candlelit suppers ? I empathise with her neighbours who dreaded the invitation! Thank you all .

GSM

Not in the least. What an unpleasant, entitled woman. I think you will need to grasp the nettle and not be afraid of upsetting her - you don’t need her in your life. Tell her very firmly that you are not in a position to assist her with anything and if she requires help with anything she will have to hire a professional. Tell her that in no circumstances is she to phone or visit you again and say goodbye. I know it sounds rude but it’s the only way to deal with people like her who see you as a handy unpaid factotum. Good luck and don’t feel guilty. Block her number and, if you can, get a doorbell which allows you to see who’s there - and ignore her.

👏👏👏👏👏

Oh yes, I remember the candlelit suppers! And the neighbour who dreaded being invited for coffee. It sounds as though this woman is a real life Hyacinth!

Be upfront with her and tell her you are not interested, difficult I know. I went to on assertiveness course years ago, we were told "broken record of no" and you do not have to give a reason why. it works believe you me.

I once got drafted into "helping" a neighbour at a time when I had a full time demanding job and declining mobility. She guilted me into doing all kinds of things for her. I wont go into the entire saga but in the end my nephew called her and told her very tersely not to contact me again.

I would block her number and have a firm word with the neighbour who lets her into the building. Do you have a (male) friend who might instruct her not to contact you? Alternatively a very firmly worded letter stating that you are feeling harassed and would prefer to cease contact, otherwise you will have to take it further.

Sometimes you have to be very blunt.

You need to have one awkward conversation , by text if easier, then it will be over.

I would say,” please dont be offended or upset but I prefer to spend most of my time alone with my hobbies so would ask that you do not visit anymore un arranged”

If she contacts you to make arrangements say no thank you I am doing things alone, she should soon stop contacting you.

I would txt her and tell her to desist from calling you, then block her number,, and get a door peephole fitted.

I agree with you about wanting a quiet life in my home... If she isn't someone who gives you pleasure when you see her, why feel guilty?

What Germanshepherdsmum and MOnica said!

Telling you to "get a job" and commenting on your medical / health issues?

Whoever is letting her into your block to knock on your door needs to have a word whispered in their ear.

I'm angry on your behalf at this self-entitled woman, you will have to grasp the nettle and make it quite clear that you are choosing to live life according to your own terms and tastes, and basically just to tell her to leave you alone.

As biglouis says, sometimes you have to be very blunt. And this is one of those times.

Do it, either in person, by letter, text message or whatever, but do it. You will feel much better for having done so - it's awful to live life dreading the call or knock of such people.

I had an acquaintance like that - she latched on to me at the school gates, and wouldn't leave me alone. I dreaded her knock at the door, which I mostly ignored. One day I was in the hallway and I heard her knocking (I knew it was her because she had her son with her and was talking to him) - I was caught because the door panels were ornate glass which you could largely see through... so I threw myself down on the floor and lay prone hoping not to be noticed - but she knelt down and peered through the letter box and saw me. That's when I decided to come clean and say my piece.

Good luck.

Bite the bullet, take the advice given here, block her number. Some people are users, you don't owe her anything and you've said it yourself "I find her uncomfortable to be around" and what a cheek telling you to get a job when you've had to take early retirement. No you don't need any of this in your life. I do hate invites for coffee when that's a front for something else entirely, once for me such an invite turned into an invitation to buy some goods from a little business the woman had and a request "would you like to start selling these products with me" I beat a hasty retreat. For you a request for help with Spring cleaning, unbelievable! You have to knock it on the head it will get worse, you are certainly not being unreasonable. Extricate yourself asap, If you run into her tell her why, "you feel harassed by the knocking on the door also," and anyway given she's had the damn nerve to tell you you're boring, maybe add "go and find someone who you don't find boring"

I wish you well, good luck, I do hope you sort it out and go back to enjoying your life before this gate crasher arrived.

Thatsnotmeinthemirror

I have,over the last few years supported ( emotionally and practically) an ex colleague who was having a difficult time. She was never a close friend but I was glad to help.
Her situation has now resolved and she is moving on. I am very happy for her but am also looking forward to enjoying my retirement which I have had to take due to disability.
My issue is that her sister has recently moved near by. I do not find her a very comfortable person to be around. She appears to assume that I am available when she wants help with anything . I have enough to do to care for myself which I have tried to explain.She is fit and healthy,financially secure ,works and has family who are near by. I have limited financial resources ,for example and when I declined to spend money she informed me I should " get a job then" . I wish ! I am usually quite assertive but this women has an answer for everything. I also find her quite manipulative. She invited me over for coffee and it became quite clear I was expected to help her with her spring cleaning.
My colleague has hinted that she finds her sister needy and demanding but when I ( kindly) tried to say how I felt ,she was very defensive. My colleague is moving away soon. I fear things will become worse re: her sister. She phones me often. If I dont answer she messages with increaing urgency . She will also get a neighbour to let her into my building to knock on my flat door. She knows i will mostly be at home . I love my quiet life and have my hobbies. But I'm beginning to feel stalked . I have tried to address it but was told that I'm boring. Aibu?

I do sympathise as I had a similar experience some years ago. My husband and I were friendly with a man I worked with and his wife and had meals with them frequently. Both the husband and I were shiftworkers but the others worked 9-5. The husband started to call around while his wife and my husband were at work. Nothing sinister or unpleasant. He never made a pass at me or anything like that, neither of us fancied the other - he just called in on the offchance for a chat. It was ok at first, and I had no problem with having a coffee with him when he dropped by. My husband and his wife both knew about the visits and didn't think anything of it. After a while though, I think he got even more bored with his life and he started to call around more frequently. I found this intrusive as I had things I wanted to do, not to mention the necessary housework. I also had a few hobbies that I enjoyed. He ignored hints and in the end I had to tell him that I just didn't have the time to spend with him and asked him not to call unless invited. He was hurt by this, but I had to think of my own well-being and enjoyment. It was such a relief to get on with my life without dreading the ring of the doorbell! Perhaps it wouldn't have been so bad had he not been rather boring!

You have nothing to lose by telling her the truth. You may have been her sister's friend but you are not, and have no intention of becoming, her friend. I suspect that she is pretty thick skinned, so don't worry about hurting her feelings.

Tell the awful monster that if she phones you just once more, gets anyone to let her into the block to knock on your door just ones more, emails you just once more etc. etc. you'll be calling the police and have her done for harassment and anything else you can.

Keep a diary .... DON'T tell her about it ... about times/dates she's been pestering you, how it makes you feel, what she's been doing and sayi9ng and so on.

It might be difficult to do but STAND FIRM! Don't let her intimidate you or accuse you of being boring or anything. She's quite predatory.

She sounds like a self-obsessed narcie to me.

Best of luck and I can see why her sister is moving away!