Step daughter's behaviour

At the end of the day - family dynamics are at times complex. Just be in tune with your DH and agree to stepping back from such a situation again. You know you have been hospitable, kind and forgiving, but enough is enough. Concentrate on yourselves - enjoying life and also positive people.

I’ve a step Grandaughter who doesn’t care a fig about me she’s never ever visited me in my home in bonny Scotland even although I’ve extended her several invitations to visit. I’d love a visit from her .
I’ve never treated her any different from my other grandchildren and I've sent her lots of gifts over the years for her birthday and Christmases , in fact I’ve been very generous to her and her partner I only keep in touch with her to please my son who brought her up from 4 yrs old.
I wonder if she’ll ever pay me a visit? Does she know how much sorrow I feel when she refuses to see me - what more can I do?

I just don't have the strength or will to entertain people anymore. I have a cousin who has a most rude daughter and granddaughter and brother. I entertained them once and once was enough. I just made up so many excuses from migraines to not feeling up to it that they leave me alone now. I think they think I am some poor ailing soul but it did get rid of them without being blunt.

Madgran77. Thank you. You have hit the nail on the head. SD has issues around her dd finding peace and happiness. Unfortunately, when you are in an abusive relationship it can often be the children who suffer when the abused is no longer there.
We are happy with our life together. This episode with sd has upset us both. We agree that we don't differentiate between mine and his off-spring. My dh has discussed his dd with his friend and has told me that his conclusion remains the same. We will not be letting his dd stay in our house. If she does want a visit in the future she will have to hire her own car from the airport and find an hotel. We will meet, but dh won't put up with anymore of her nonsense.

eazybee

So the father walked out on his daughter because her mother (his wife?) was abusing her daughter's daughter, her grandchild?

Really?Why did he have no choice but to leave?

I did wonder why he had had nor contact for seven years, even though he apparently knew their address; he could have visited it.

yeah right....

no contact

So the father walked out on his daughter because her mother (his wife?) was abusing her daughter's daughter, her grandchild?

Really?Why did he have no choice but to leave?

I did wonder why he had had nor contact for seven years, even though he apparently knew their address; he could have visited it.

For those who are wondering about sd. Sd has issues related to seeing her dd being abused by her DM. She did ask why he had walked out and never even tried to get in touch, which made him wonder where the Birthday/Christmas parcels had gone. The DM changed phone numbers etc so he had no way of keeping contact, other than by post. He explained that he never wanted to leave his children behind but had no choice in the end.

Thank you all for your comments, both positive and negative.
I would like to say that our Grandson is our Grandson, although you could say he is my step-grandson. I never actually gave my stepdaughter anything other than good old English hospitality. I have since found other things are missing, nothing of great value, but a few things we regularly use.
Our decision has been to pull back.
My dh will answer her messages, should she send any, but he won't go out of his way to keep contact.
I was brought up to be friendly, inclusive and hospitable. We agreed to her visit as we both hoped that she had learnt from her past behaviour, but obviously, she hasn't.
Whether you are blood related, step- or in-law should make no difference to family.

at least your husband is on the same page I wouldn't entertain her anymore

I am a stepdaughter and I was polite , kind , generous , grateful for and dutiful to my stepfather .
Your stepdaughter's
behaviour is unacceptable .
You've done your best and she's enjoying being unpleasant .
Her behaviour reminds of my daughter in law .
I was thrilled to meet her and welcome her to the family .
It was okay at first and then , she didn't want to visit .
If my son visited she ruined it by calling every five or ten minutes demanding what time he was returning home .
She doesn't acknowledge let alone thank me for the presents that I've bought her .
She doesn't answer my texts nor calls and sometimes it has been an emergency .
I'm banned for all family occasions .

My son and daughter in law have just lost their baby sitter and full time dogsbody because she has been so ill - used and ill -treated by them for a decade .
She has phoned me in tears many times .

I'm tired of trying .
Tired of having egg on my face .

Just walk away from the situation and give yourself a well deserved break .

Because of the way she behaved, I would leave her to your husband the next time she wants to come and sponge off you. You cannot really say to your husband it is her or me, but what you can say is that you won't be at home the next time she visits and hope he enjoys time with his daughter (also hide any thing you do not want stealing).

Oldbat1

Is this real?

Doesn't sound so

Is this real?

I feel some sympathy for the step-daughter, and would be interested to know how old she was on her visit seven years ago and what happened to make her father virtually cut her off: Her Dad decided to pull away and we came to the conclusion that we were better off without her.

The daughter initiated contact but then appears to have been ungracious and unmannerly throughout her visit. Equally I do pick up the hostility from her stepmother begrudging the money they spent on her, not to mention the disappearance of the Duplo , the lack of a chocolate (!) and the father's decision once again to cease contact.

A sad situation, and I don't think the poster and her husband appreciate the scars left on children, even adult ones, by divorce and remarriage.

I suspect this is a rather one sided account. If indeed it isn't AI.

^Who visits from abroad without any local currency...* someone who is very entitled and selfish.

There’s obviously a back story here which we don’t know about.

Sago

Here we go………

agreed Sago.. Who visits from abroad without any local currency...

Here we go………

I would not want her again. What a rude selfish woman. Leave the ball in her court and nit contact her., I would only send gifts to grandchild.

Step-children can be a complete nightmare and full of pent up resentment.

I wonder how old this girl was on her 2017 visit?

I’m not excusing her rudeness, but wondering about the root cause?

Your stepdaughter sounds ghastly, she was rude and mean, I wouldn't give her house room. Your husband sounds very level headed and if he feels he doesn't want to her to stay again then I would respect his decision. It's a shame about your grandson but there isn't a lot you can do about that until he is older and can make his views known. I would keep in contact ( from a distance) if only for the sake of your grandson.

Keepingquiet, perhaps you should do just that ! Sarahr has her DH backing her - they both recognize that the SD is a difficult character. Rude , ungrateful and living up to her reputation. In her position I would keep well out of her way.

You began by saying that a previous visit in 2017 caused trouble, so I am surprised you pulled out all the stops this time. This SD is very rude. I am glad her father says he will not let her stay again. Let him meet her away from home if he insists, but in your shoes I would not be encouraging any further contact.