Step daughter's behaviour

It's between her and your DH now. If it were me, the next time she planned a visit - if she does - I would conveniently be out of town. I don't have time for rude company.

I think you have been over generous with this entitled sounding woman. You expect her to be grateful for stuff she may not have wanted in the first place so sorry no medals for you from me either.

You refer to 'our' grandson but he isn't - he is your DH's grandson.

Your DH seems to have the right attitude.

It’s common courtesy to say thank you and show appreciation for generous hospitality, especially if you have not put a hand in your pocket, and rudeness in your own home is unacceptable so I understand your feelings.
Seems she hasn’t changed from the last time so if you are both agreed on no repeat visit then it’s decided.

So the OP has bent over backwards to make guests welcome but apparently she has been over generous and doesnt deserve any medals! Dear me keeping quiet. Nothing suggests she is looking for medals and to me everything she did are perfectly normal aspects of making people welcome!

Sarahr I do think that your husband should consider instigating a discussion around the problems that have led to what is clearly a difficult and unhealthy relationship. The fact that her behaviour appears to be focused on you suggests to me that this links to historical issues relating to your husband leaving her mother possibly(?) and not accepting you as his wife. The fact she asked to come suggests she still wants a relationship with him but her behaviour suggests she does not want one with you. Your husband needs to make his decisions based on whether he wants a relationship with her on her terms and sees her without you or tells her it's on his terms and with you ...or a compromise that works got you all maybe... whatever he wants and thinks best to do. But first the original problems between them have to be addressed. 💐

You began by saying that a previous visit in 2017 caused trouble, so I am surprised you pulled out all the stops this time. This SD is very rude. I am glad her father says he will not let her stay again. Let him meet her away from home if he insists, but in your shoes I would not be encouraging any further contact.

Keepingquiet, perhaps you should do just that ! Sarahr has her DH backing her - they both recognize that the SD is a difficult character. Rude , ungrateful and living up to her reputation. In her position I would keep well out of her way.

Your stepdaughter sounds ghastly, she was rude and mean, I wouldn't give her house room. Your husband sounds very level headed and if he feels he doesn't want to her to stay again then I would respect his decision. It's a shame about your grandson but there isn't a lot you can do about that until he is older and can make his views known. I would keep in contact ( from a distance) if only for the sake of your grandson.

Step-children can be a complete nightmare and full of pent up resentment.

I wonder how old this girl was on her 2017 visit?

I’m not excusing her rudeness, but wondering about the root cause?

I would not want her again. What a rude selfish woman. Leave the ball in her court and nit contact her., I would only send gifts to grandchild.

Here we go………

Sago

Here we go………

agreed Sago.. Who visits from abroad without any local currency...

There’s obviously a back story here which we don’t know about.

^Who visits from abroad without any local currency...* someone who is very entitled and selfish.

I suspect this is a rather one sided account. If indeed it isn't AI.

I feel some sympathy for the step-daughter, and would be interested to know how old she was on her visit seven years ago and what happened to make her father virtually cut her off: Her Dad decided to pull away and we came to the conclusion that we were better off without her.

The daughter initiated contact but then appears to have been ungracious and unmannerly throughout her visit. Equally I do pick up the hostility from her stepmother begrudging the money they spent on her, not to mention the disappearance of the Duplo , the lack of a chocolate (!) and the father's decision once again to cease contact.

A sad situation, and I don't think the poster and her husband appreciate the scars left on children, even adult ones, by divorce and remarriage.

Is this real?

Oldbat1

Is this real?

Doesn't sound so

Because of the way she behaved, I would leave her to your husband the next time she wants to come and sponge off you. You cannot really say to your husband it is her or me, but what you can say is that you won't be at home the next time she visits and hope he enjoys time with his daughter (also hide any thing you do not want stealing).

I am a stepdaughter and I was polite , kind , generous , grateful for and dutiful to my stepfather .
Your stepdaughter's
behaviour is unacceptable .
You've done your best and she's enjoying being unpleasant .
Her behaviour reminds of my daughter in law .
I was thrilled to meet her and welcome her to the family .
It was okay at first and then , she didn't want to visit .
If my son visited she ruined it by calling every five or ten minutes demanding what time he was returning home .
She doesn't acknowledge let alone thank me for the presents that I've bought her .
She doesn't answer my texts nor calls and sometimes it has been an emergency .
I'm banned for all family occasions .

My son and daughter in law have just lost their baby sitter and full time dogsbody because she has been so ill - used and ill -treated by them for a decade .
She has phoned me in tears many times .

I'm tired of trying .
Tired of having egg on my face .

Just walk away from the situation and give yourself a well deserved break .

at least your husband is on the same page I wouldn't entertain her anymore

Thank you all for your comments, both positive and negative.
I would like to say that our Grandson is our Grandson, although you could say he is my step-grandson. I never actually gave my stepdaughter anything other than good old English hospitality. I have since found other things are missing, nothing of great value, but a few things we regularly use.
Our decision has been to pull back.
My dh will answer her messages, should she send any, but he won't go out of his way to keep contact.
I was brought up to be friendly, inclusive and hospitable. We agreed to her visit as we both hoped that she had learnt from her past behaviour, but obviously, she hasn't.
Whether you are blood related, step- or in-law should make no difference to family.

For those who are wondering about sd. Sd has issues related to seeing her dd being abused by her DM. She did ask why he had walked out and never even tried to get in touch, which made him wonder where the Birthday/Christmas parcels had gone. The DM changed phone numbers etc so he had no way of keeping contact, other than by post. He explained that he never wanted to leave his children behind but had no choice in the end.

So the father walked out on his daughter because her mother (his wife?) was abusing her daughter's daughter, her grandchild?

Really?Why did he have no choice but to leave?

I did wonder why he had had nor contact for seven years, even though he apparently knew their address; he could have visited it.

no contact