AIBU to start thinking about self defence in the home and when I am out and about?

Driving home from my late shifts at 11.30pm I had 2 separate attempted car jackings from hooded figures. Both times they ran out of the same lane at my car. The first waved me to stop. I drove away faster. 2nd time they attempted to jump onto my car. They landed on the road on their A.. as I put my foot down hard on the accelerator so they missed my car.
Rang police both times from a few roads away. Nothing they could do as I wasn't actually attacked. They didn't even come out, but advised never to stop for anyone waving at you.
Nephew stopped for a car on his way to work, with bonnet up at 6.45am. Passengers jumped out, hit him, took his wallet and phone, and his car and their car. It was a set up to steal a car.
Near where I used to live a lady answered her door at tea time. 3 youths barged in, pinned her behind the door, held a knife up to her and robbed the house. She wasn't hurt but very shaken by it.
OP we are in a safer area now but we have cameras in the house, a ring doorbell, and 2 dogs who would bark if anyone tried to enter. Don't walk alone at night, or in woods or fields alone in the day. Check who is at the door before answering it. Lock all doors if you're home alone. If you're gardening put your handbag away safely, and lock front door. My MIL had someone walk in her front door while she was gardening at the side of the house. They stole her bag from the front room floor and just walked out. She saw them leave but thought it was someone delivering leaflets.

No, not unreasonable - but keep it in proportion. We are very careful about locking doors, cars, windows. I have a handy torch for evening/winter walks - can be used as a light BUT also has a strobe function - to dazzle and disorientate an assailant. I used to reply if strangers approached me - don't do that now. I have a classic heavy torch by the bed JIC. I agree men are so much less aware of all this - they assume they will be OK, we assume we will not - both of us are wrong 'it all depends'.

It’s impossible to plan for every dangerous scenario that we may find ourselves in, and who knows how we would react anyway. However, I trained in self defence and have consequently taught my kids and grandkids the basics over the years. I can still run fast too ! as fight or flight must always be considered. Self preservation is a powerful thing.

I get so cross with hubby putting us at risk and not thinking about security leaving windows wide open at the front (we live in a bungalow on a park). Many criminals are opportunists and an open window is like an invitation. We already have so many chancers coming up our path and opening our storage bench for a rummage (plus postie leaves parcels there). Men do not think about risk, historically they have not had to worry whereas women are brought up from an early age to be aware for our personal safety. He replies with I am paranoid, I watch too much TV, we live in a nice village etc etc...

In the UK it's a serious offence to possess an unlicensed firearm and it's a serious offence to carry a knife in public. Being careful about personal safety is just about the best that can be achieved, locking doors and windows, having a house alarm and carrying a personal alarm, for example.

I'm not surprised you are thinking about it.

Agree with others re locking doors and windows.

I don't agree that there is nothing you can do. When I was first divorced I organised a self defence workshop for women with a trainer who went to my kids' schools to teach them self defence. It was quite scary doing the simulated attack and response but gave me huge confidence at the time. The key thing about it is that straight afterwards I would not have frozen.

I would love to find someone who will do that for older women because I would be a lot more nervous about breaking a bone now in such a workshop.

My dad father who had done national service and been in the TA taught me a few important self defence measures. That was in the 60s and 70s before things became as bad but still happened.

I think we are now more vulnerable because very few men (or women) have had the kind of training my father had and so are less well equipped to intervene. My son has set up core cadets in both the state schools he has taught in and that has encouraged pupils of both sexes to learn more about self-defence.

It may not necessarily help in every situation, I know, but I believe in planning for the worst - partly because it gives you more of a sense of control. I have lost two girlfriends when younger to violent crime so I have always taken it seriously.

I think the reality is that a large number of attackers aren't acting alone nowadays!

I've mentioned it before but my work takes me into the courts quite a lot and in recent times, so many attacks have involved gangs / groups and sadly, the victims of physical assaults are males.

David49

If you are unfortunate enough to confront a burgular or intruder in your own home your best option is to give him what he wants. Many are high on drugs and carry a knife, if you resist you will get stabbed, the vast majority of “ Grans” are not likely to overpower a determined intruder.

Normal security precautions are your best protection, door cameras, secure locks, don’t make yourself a target, a big dog will be a deterrent to most. You can only deter the casual burglars

I once asked an insurance man about giving them what they want.
He said they still pay out.

It's disgusting how weak our leaders have been over many many years, that's why we are in the mess we are in, they have lost control of everything. They have to start listening to the people and remember that they are there to serve us, not just go ahead and do what they want without debate or discussion. God help us!

A few years ago I worked in care home for men with mental health issues. We had regular training sessions on how to protect ourselves.
One morning I was alone in the cleaning cupboard a resident (about 40ish, very fit and strong) attacked me by holding both his arms around my throat from behind and holding me firmly against him. I followed my father's advice from being a young girl and just screamed as loud as I could while trying to release his arms (no chance), another member of staff heard me (luckily) and also tried to release his grip, without success, she was about to his him over the head with an object (not part of our training) when he eventually let go.
My point is I don't think any amount of self defence training will be of use if we're attacked unexpectedly. No matter how old or fit we are. Having said that it doesn't stop me going out and about.
We were in London a couple of weeks ago and felt as safe as I did back in the 70s

Over 40 years ago I went to women's self defence and karate (became a blue belt) because I lived in that area of the north where the Yorkshire Ripper was actively preying on women at night.

The Karate sensei told us that the best self defence strategy is to be very aware of your surroundings and look out for potential trouble and be prepared to run. Once you have to stand and fight you never know how it will end - you cannot know if your attacker is stronger or better.

It is also unwise to carry weapons - in the UK it would be illegal to walk the street carrying a gun or knife. Mace/pepper pray are also illegal. Weapons can also be a big risk as a strong assailant can take - for example a knife - and then use it against you.

You could think about household items that you could potentially use. Since covid I carry antiseptic spray in my handbag that I could use in an emergency. I also have insect spray by the front door - for mozzies and ants but in an emergency I could grab it. Spray deodorant as well - once used this as a teenager when someone broke into my youth hostel dorm (turned out to be teenage boys on a dare) but after a face full of Sure Floral Extra Dry - I doubt they will try it again.

You can consider whether you have a safe space in your house with a strong lock - cupboard/bathroom etc. Where you can hide.

Keep your mobile phone well charged

When walking on the street make sure you carry your handbag on the side that doesn't face the road to deter random snatchings by people on moped/bikes. Cross body styles can also help.

I was assaulted when I was ten years old. I have only been burgled once by an opportunist who turned out to be known to the police in the area.

I have lived alone and over the years realised I cannot live my life in a state of constant paranoia.

Luckily I live in a low crime area. We often leave the front door unlocked and I haven't figured out how to work the burglar alarm since I moved here six years ago.

My son keeps his tools in his car and they've never been touched. He once had some groceries stolen from the doorstep following a delivery, but 'they' never did it again.

I suppose it is about striking a balance. When I go walking I stick to public roads when I'm on my own. I would never carry a knife or other weapon which had people have said could easily be used against me.

When I was working I was given an alarm to carry in my bag but don't even know where it is.
One tip I was given was that if threatened by a gang of young men to ask about their mother. I have rehearsed this scenario many times. If I get the mother's name wrong I would say I'd make a mistake, but psychology dictates most young men about to commit a crime wouldn't like to be reminded about having a mother.

I would just let them have what they want I think.

If you are unfortunate enough to confront a burgular or intruder in your own home your best option is to give him what he wants. Many are high on drugs and carry a knife, if you resist you will get stabbed, the vast majority of “ Grans” are not likely to overpower a determined intruder.

Normal security precautions are your best protection, door cameras, secure locks, don’t make yourself a target, a big dog will be a deterrent to most. You can only deter the casual burglars

My mother used. to tell us to hold our keys in a closed fist with one poking through our fingers the idea you could get their face if attacked .Apparently that’s what she did in the blackouts during WW11.

The downside of living alone (which I like now) is that I'm nervous at night. I use chains and bolts wherever possible, and lock doors at all times. And I have an alarm.
I think it's too late for me to learn self defence, but I strongly believe that younger people should learn some self defence moves. My grandson goes to a class every week and I really wish my granddaughters would too.

I remember we all had to do a self defence course when I was training as an RMN.. I went home and showed my young son who immediately overpowered me.. so sensibly I decided I'd just try to get out of the way in the event of an attack..

Luckily I never feel unsafe in my home and stick to lighted streets, preferably busy, if I'm out at night..

Re burglaries. Do you have Neighbourhood Watch schemes set up where you live?

Galaxy

Crikey goodness knows how those men manage on the beach with all those women in bikinis. Maybe they (the men) shouldnt be allowed it if that's the case.

Well there's a time and a place. I think everyone expects swimwear on the beach and around seaside areas, but it's not so clever when young women are walking around near naked in a city or town.

You say self defence and the defence of others In the light of recent events...

I'm assuming you mean protecting the person, not just stuff?

Scooter-driver "bag grabs", pickpocketing and warm weather burglaries I think are more likely than a massacre to be honest. Though these are more usual by people we know than "outsiders"

If you want to take a personal safety course I'd go for it.

The way to protect groups of small children (if that is where this comes from) is probably to have a very secure entry system and I'd think a known "emergency" drill for the children.

You could fit a panic alarm in your home if you wished. Ours used to have one with a panic button in each downstairs room.

Crikey goodness knows how those men manage on the beach with all those women in bikinis. Maybe they (the men) shouldnt be allowed it if that's the case.

kircubbin2000

Shut those little top windows too. I forget their name. My friend lost all her good jewellery after we passed 2 young lads on bikes as we left her house. They were slim enough to enter through the bathroom window.

I locked myself out many years ago; returning from dropping DC1 at playgroup, I had invited other mums and younger babies and toddlers in for a coffee, only to find I had no keys.
Someone went to her house and phoned the police, they said they'd come and break a window! DH was somewhere in the Far East.
Another agile friend climbed in through the downstairs loo top little window.

It doesn't make a difference, though. A jemmy can be used to force a window open. PVC replacement windows are quite easy to force.

Chestnut

Out and about I used to walk with confidence but no more! Now I feel totally vulnerable, but I've always felt my only hope would be to talk my way out of it (like in the movies). I couldn't possibly fight them off physically but maybe mentally. Hopefully my razor sharp mind would outwit them and make them change their mind about attacking me. 😎

"Do I know your mother?" is supposed to work.
Never had to use that, so no idea if it would work in practice.

Sago

Elegran

Someone posted mentioning keeping a knife or gun in the house. There are two relevant points here. One is that unless you know exactly what you are doing with a gun (or a knife, come to think of it) it would be another danger rather than a defence. You should warn an intruder that you have a gun and are prepared to use it before pulling the trigger - and if you sound less than 100% confident in your ability, a determined attacker would just reach out and take it from you, then threaten YOU with it.

The other is that in the UK, guns are not in common use, unlike in the USA. Because householders do not normally have a gun to hand as a planned defence strategy, housebreakers do not normally carry one as an attacking weapon. The result is that homicide using firearms is a rare event in the UK. If the general public were to adopt them, the incidence of gun deaths would start to rise, and violence would escalate. We would all be MORE at risk of attack, not safer.

To own a gun in the UK you have to have a license, this is not easy to obtain.
If you have a license your gun must be kept in a locked cabinet the ammunition must be in a locked safe separate to the gun cabinet.
A gun cannot be propped up by the bed ready to go.

And they take a long while to get a licence as well.

Yes Chestnut. My neighbours 18 year old has developed a very curvy figure and set off yesterday in what looked like knickers.A lot of new young men around now.