AIBU to start thinking about self defence in the home and when I am out and about?

Shut those little top windows too. I forget their name. My friend lost all her good jewellery after we passed 2 young lads on bikes as we left her house. They were slim enough to enter through the bathroom window.

I agree with all the preventative measures, but then people start accusing you of victim blaming. Why should you have to do this, or that? This especially applies to the way women dress. Why shouldn't young women go out in what is effectively their underwear? Well I believe common sense should tell them it's provocative, just as common sense tells us to lock our front doors and keep our phones and purses out of sight in a crowded place. Of course we shouldn't have to do all these things but sadly we do, otherwise we risk becoming a victim.

Boz

I thought you were talking about karate and that sort of self defence, which at 80 I won't be taking up.
It may be a good idea to keep a knife or gun in the house, but would you have the strength or courage to use it?
It must have been truly awful to have a knife held to your throat so my sympathy for your fear.

Firstly I presume we all have a knife in the house. I’ve got lots and some are very sharp. They are in a drawer in the kitchen, not exactly handy if an intruder comes in the front door? Are you suggesting that we have one strapped round our waist?

Re. Guns, my DH has just got rid of his. They were kept in a locked gun safe and I never knew where the key was kept. Cartridges were kept in a separate safe. We have lived in the country all our married life, my DH worked in farming so guns were almost mandatory.
So in our house , full of guns and knives, were we any safer than those who don’t have our armoury? I don’t think so.

We are living at a time that is what the world, including the UK, has always been like. It is just that we have had a century of exceptional domestic peace.

Despite 4 break-ins, none now for over 25 years. I have never been afraid inside my house or outside and DH in his working days travelled a lot. All the break-ins were opportunist and, as the police said to us, the burglar, if you had disturbed him would have been more afraid of you than you would be of him.

if you have valuables that are known about and will attract theft; expensive jewellry (think footballer's partners) or works of art, or are known to keep seriously large sums of money in the house, then that is different and you will need serious security.

But we cannot live our lives in a country as peaceful as the uk is - and it is - is a state of fear about something that is unlikely to happen. You could be living in Gaza, the Congo, Somalia or some of the many teaming cities of the developing world.

I don't think there is much we can do to ensure our safety when we are out and about apart from keeping our noses out of our mobile phones and being aware of what is going on around us.
It's worrying seeing young people (women and girls especially) out running or walking and looking at mobile phones or with ear buds in, oblivious to the world around them.

It's prudent to have the odd item around the place that could be useful if self defence if necessary.
Personally I've got a terrier.

A friend of mine who lived in a remote farmhouse told me that,if her husband was away, she always wore knickers under her nightie in case there was a fire and she had to be carried over a fireman's shoulder. I think she was quite disappointed that it never happened.

I feel exactly the same as SAGO, very wary when I am out and about and when at home, my doors are always locked. We were burgled a few years ago. Our sons tell me that my home is like Fort Knox and I am being over cautious because if I had a fall, no-one could get in, but I prefer to sleep in my bed and know I have done everything I can to ensure my safety.

I don't think there is much we can do to ensure our safety when we are out and about apart from keeping our noses out of our mobile phones and being aware of what is going on around us. I now only use cards for paying for goods so I am not standing at an ATM machine getting cash out. I have an account with our local taxi company so when I book a taxi it is pre-paid so I am not carrying cash around with me. My card is in a RFID blocking case attached to a zip in my cross body bag so it cannot be cloned by someone passing me with a cloning machine.

I purchase most things online and to be honest, I would never have to set foot outside my home ever again if I didn't want to.

I am over cautious but I would rather be that way than not. We are living in a terrible world now, a world we have never seen the likes of before in my lifetime anyway. I am not talking about wars, I am talking about violence from young people who do not care who they hurt, kill, rape or rob.

Hmmh, difficult. When young was taught judo and ju-jitsu by my stepdad. In my twenties, boyfriend was an army physical trainer who taught me aikido including how to protect me from a knife attack. In my thirties was attacked from the back when returning home from the local butcher in West Hampstead. I went into defence mode as heavily trained and grabbed him from the back of his neck and went into a forward roll on the pavement but before I could complete the move he let go and ran away. It took me ages to tell my husband and to recover mentally.
In my sixties I tried tai chi and the teacher was enormous. He taught me how to disable a big guy like him. I did it. However, what if they have a knife?

The woman murdered the other day was killed walking her dog in the morning. Perhaps we shouldnt do that either. We imagine that we can keep ourselves safe if we do x,y, and z, it just doesnt work like that.

Galaxy

Dont walk your dog in the daylight either.
Sorry but it's just a way of hoping it will happen to someone else.

What?
I don’t actually understand either statement.

Dont walk your dog in the daylight either.
Sorry but it's just a way of hoping it will happen to someone else.

No.
Unless you are Superman or Wonderwoman , you will come off worse- maybe a lot worse if you attempt to fight back, sad but true.
When the girls went travelling in dodgy parts of the Far East they were advised to keep some small change, maybe a library card or bus pass in a purse which they could afford to lose- throwing loose change on the ground a short distance away might prove enough of a diversion to enable them to run. Real money of course lived in a body belt under their clothes.
But do consider preventative action regarding your personal safety -
do not carry unnecessary cards on you - and be prepared to hand over your purse or bag without a struggle -
don’t have your address on your key ring,
don’t use a backpack in urban areas,
don’t look bumbling or frail, stride out confidently
It goes without saying not to go down lonely alleyways night or day
always let somebody know if you are heading out alone especially to unknown places
keep your car doors locked when you are driving, handbag out of sight eg in the footwell
especially in summer when we may be leaving windows and patio doors open -just don’t!
Oh and don’t leave your daughters Land Rover Discovery in your drive unlocked for 4 days! (Got away with it though)

Out and about I used to walk with confidence but no more! Now I feel totally vulnerable, but I've always felt my only hope would be to talk my way out of it (like in the movies). I couldn't possibly fight them off physically but maybe mentally. Hopefully my razor sharp mind would outwit them and make them change their mind about attacking me. 😎

I think it's a good idea.

Not lessons full of fancy moves, but techniques so that you can at least have a go at getting away, should the worst happen.

I'm thinking that you've probably got little chance of defending yourself against a determined intruder who's unlikely to stand still while you found your weapon of choice. If you are going for someone you need to know that you can take them down otherwise you are likely to inflame the situation. In that basis I go for preventative measures, personal alarm when dog walking, security lights and ring doorbell. I live in a relatively safe rural area.

Sago

In the light of recent events, I have started to think about what I could do to defend others and myself in the hopefully unlikely event of an attack in my home or elsewhere.

Before you start to judge, I have had a knife held at my throat and been threatened with death, this happened when I was a hospital patient and defenceless.
We were also victims of a serious burglary, thankfully we were out.

Am I alone in thinking this?

I think defending myself is down to thinking to every situation I'm in, being cautious, keeping all doors and windows locked (home and car). And dogs, they annoy any would be attacker making noise.

I'm not one who believes knives or guns would defend me.

Elegran

Someone posted mentioning keeping a knife or gun in the house. There are two relevant points here. One is that unless you know exactly what you are doing with a gun (or a knife, come to think of it) it would be another danger rather than a defence. You should warn an intruder that you have a gun and are prepared to use it before pulling the trigger - and if you sound less than 100% confident in your ability, a determined attacker would just reach out and take it from you, then threaten YOU with it.

The other is that in the UK, guns are not in common use, unlike in the USA. Because householders do not normally have a gun to hand as a planned defence strategy, housebreakers do not normally carry one as an attacking weapon. The result is that homicide using firearms is a rare event in the UK. If the general public were to adopt them, the incidence of gun deaths would start to rise, and violence would escalate. We would all be MORE at risk of attack, not safer.

To own a gun in the UK you have to have a license, this is not easy to obtain.
If you have a license your gun must be kept in a locked cabinet the ammunition must be in a locked safe separate to the gun cabinet.
A gun cannot be propped up by the bed ready to go.

Boz

I thought you were talking about karate and that sort of self defence, which at 80 I won't be taking up.
It may be a good idea to keep a knife or gun in the house, but would you have the strength or courage to use it?
It must have been truly awful to have a knife held to your throat so my sympathy for your fear.

No, not a good idea.
Years ago a work colleague said she was nervous at home or sunbathing in her garden and carried a knife with her. It was pointed out that an assailant could easily take it from her and use it against her.

Many years ago I did judo but doubt I could floor anyone now. I could bash them with my crutches, I suppose.

Galaxy

I will be honest and say I hate the self confidence narrative, it seems to me just another way to blame women for not walking in the right way. And what of those who arent self confident, I have a friend who has complex issues, she would find it really difficult I think to walk confidently in many circumstances.

The same rules apply to men. If they look isolated or weak, they will be picked on.

Sadly, the world has never been entirely safe and is unlikely to ever be. We can never all be absolutely equal in every way until we are all clones. All of us in some circumstance have to be extra careful.

I’m not convinced appearing self confident is much of a deterrent.
Age has influenced my walks. When I was young and could run, had the naive idea I could kick a man and run, I walked miles in the countryside alone, other than with a dog or two. I’m much more safety conscious these days. I never walk without my phone. I feel safer with my big dog who can be protective than with my tiny spaniel.
I lock the front door these days whereas in the past I’d lock it about 7pm.

I will be honest and say I hate the self confidence narrative, it seems to me just another way to blame women for not walking in the right way. And what of those who arent self confident, I have a friend who has complex issues, she would find it really difficult I think to walk confidently in many circumstances.

I seem to remember years ago watching the Oprah show, talking about self defense. Others above are correct in that showing confidence, in your walk and in eye contact counts for a lot. Also never setting aside your intuition. If your gut tells you something is amiss in a situation, then please pay attention to instinctive fight or flee.

As a young woman, I had a man lurch towards me and try to grab me at a shopping mall. This was during pre-Christmas week, and I instinctively screamed. He ran away with his friends, and I seem to remember all the shoppers turned and stared at me, but no-one chased or confronted the man. I was on a lunch break, and filed a police report. It turned out the young men were grabbing women and trying to kiss them. No charges were pressed, but this would be seen as sexual assault now. It was quite traumatizing, and luckily not serious.

I try to be aware, and not go out of the way places on my own, but don't live my life in fear of attack. I'm afraid that drugs have changed cities now, with so many unpredictable instances of violence.

Someone posted mentioning keeping a knife or gun in the house. There are two relevant points here. One is that unless you know exactly what you are doing with a gun (or a knife, come to think of it) it would be another danger rather than a defence. You should warn an intruder that you have a gun and are prepared to use it before pulling the trigger - and if you sound less than 100% confident in your ability, a determined attacker would just reach out and take it from you, then threaten YOU with it.

The other is that in the UK, guns are not in common use, unlike in the USA. Because householders do not normally have a gun to hand as a planned defence strategy, housebreakers do not normally carry one as an attacking weapon. The result is that homicide using firearms is a rare event in the UK. If the general public were to adopt them, the incidence of gun deaths would start to rise, and violence would escalate. We would all be MORE at risk of attack, not safer.

Boz
I had a knife held to my throat. I was so angry when he started to pull my bag that I was pulling it back ( adrenaline )
He won the battle of the bag but I did run after him. I was livid 😡