Talking about people behind their backs

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Talking behind peoples backs and being their friend is evidently evil and false friend , so just basically an enemy within

Talking about people behind their backs and claiming to be their friends is so pretentious at the same time. For Most of my life I find this a problem with people, so I stay away awhile and I go to social clubs a little time and the rest of my time I do my income and expenditure forms and pay bills by payment plans, all by myself. No help what so ever.

I think I must be either very lucky or uncaring, or maybe I've never experienced what some of you are describing. I DO sometimes talk about people to others, whether positively or negatively, but I'm generally saying things that everyone else feels already and nobody is being spiteful or vindictive. Indeed, sometimes we find people's idiosyncrasies amusing.

I rarely encounter anyone that I cannot get along with, albeit in a limited way if they are not the most pleasant. And I have more than once overheard people talking about me negatively not knowing I was in earshot and I've either just dismissed it as incorrect and "not on" or taken their comments on board as being fair.

Perhaps I just haven't met anyone as bad as some of you have done. I don't think it's because I have a thick skin. I've had loads of jobs in my life, and do lots of volunteering now, and accept that you meet all sorts of folk. I did once have a row with one lady (not like me at all) and later was congratulated by several others for putting her in her place!!!

I think there is a difference between venting and sharing your feelings about somebody with your friends when you all feel that they are not behaving well, and generalised, malicious
bad mouthing about somebody simply because they are not there at the time.

I'm in a bit of a dilemma because I am part of a large group of friends and we all talk about a particular woman, who married a single male who was part of our group. What we comment on is how badly she treats this male friend. She is very domineering and completely controls him. He dare not speak to any of us (male and female) without her listening in but as soon as she goes to the toilet he will start talking to us, then clams up again when she reappears. So, are we all in the wrong to talk about this couple?

I’ve found if a person continuely speaks about people in a negetive way about other people. You can bet your bottom dollar that you will also be gossiped about. The kind of person that does this is an unhappy person if they were happy in their life they wouldn’t be doing it. Bringing others down to big themselves up is never a good sign

One of my co-workers once thought it was terribly funny to secretly record me in a conversation on their dictaphone. They then played it back to a group of other co-workers while I was not in the room.

Unfortunately, I came back in sooner than they expected and found them all laughing at my "funny" accent and doing bad imitations.

They then tried to bluff it out and pretend it was all just a harmless bit of fun. They even tried to get me to "see the funny side of it".

Either they couldn't see how upset I was, or didn't care, as none of them apologised and they expected me to carry on as normal.

This may seem trivial to many of you but the fact that I can still remember feeling so humiliated after 42 years shows how hurt I was.

I live in a European country, where often the only thing I have in common with other UK immigrants (and that is what we are - not expats!) is our language. I don't mix in big social groups as others do, as I was told by one friend 'I have to be one of the last to leave any social events, as the group always gossips about each couple as they leave'. Horrible

I also used to work in the nhs and encountered some spiteful gossips , who would be all over someone and then bitch about them behind their backs . I hated it and if they tried to include me , I’d say I like that person , I’m not interested and walk away.
And of course I knew they’d then be bitching about me.

Myself and my family were subjected to name calling on certain internet social media sites following a family crisis.
The ringleader started name calling to some of her friends and relatives most of whome were unknown to us.
One of her relatives who I had never met sent me a nasty message based on the lies she had been told.
It stopped when I threatened to sue them for slander if it did not cease.
Keyboard warriors who couldn't face me

grandtanteJE65

MissInterpreted

If they're talking about others behind their backs (either in real life or on social media), you can bet they are doing the same about you.

Yes, and they will go on doing so, unless we, who dislike this kind of behaviour point out to them that if you have nothing nice to say of a person, then you do well to hold your tongue!

Some will be ashamed if you point out that they are behaving badly, others will, of course, go on doing so, but we don't have to let them do so unchallenged.

I saw a classic example of this in an office - a woman came in and made a sarcastic and throughly unpleasant remark about the senior person, thinking she was not in the room, when she was in fact bending down to sort out some papers on the floor behind her desk. She shot to her feet, alarming the unpleasant one, and said quite calmly that remarks like that could only come from a very sad place, everyone knew that she was spiteful, and her nasty opinions were worthless. It was so withering that I almost - almost - felt sorry for the red faced individual. I left the temprorary job soon after so I don't know if the nasty remarks continued, but yes, they should be called out.

MissInterpreted

If they're talking about others behind their backs (either in real life or on social media), you can bet they are doing the same about you.

Yes, and they will go on doing so, unless we, who dislike this kind of behaviour point out to them that if you have nothing nice to say of a person, then you do well to hold your tongue!

Some will be ashamed if you point out that they are behaving badly, others will, of course, go on doing so, but we don't have to let them do so unchallenged.

I agree, Newatthis - it's usually about jealousy. It really is the deadliest sin - so destructive and hurtful.

I try not to say behind anyone's back what I am not prepared to say to their face.

Wish I had the opportunity to say to my evil OH, who has departed, everything that myself and the local people are saying about him. Revenge is a dish that is eaten cold, so wait till I get him before a judge!

Jealous, Jealous, Jealous! I cannot stand gossip - it is so damaging, especially when talking about someone who seems generous enough to throw a big party for everyone. Whether they have more than the rest of your friends or not, there is no need for it. There will always be someone, somewhere who had more and someone somewhere who has less.

We had that situation in my workplace, too (nhs)

My nextdoor neighbour is on the verge of leaving the nhs because of the bullying and backbiting that goes on there.

When I worked in SS we shared an office with social snd admin workers. If someone came into the office they were greeted as their best friends. As soon as they left they were pulled to pieces by those same people.
I never joined in and always wondered what they said about me when I wasn't there though I really didn’t care, they were shockingly two faced and didn’t seem bothered who knew it.
It was the total hypocrisy, couldn't get my head round it.

I can't stand it from any perspective.

I'm victim of it at the moment, and it makes me feel really unwell,seeing how spiteful people can be.

People at work do it all the time. I'd love to be a fly on the wall to hear what they say about me!

Never look a gift horse in the mouth, springs to mind. It's ungracious to accept people's generous hospitality and then slag them off afterwards!

MissAdventure

I doubt there's anyone who has NEVER talked about someone else behind their back.

Unless you all get together in a great big group, it's going to happen.

True! But there is a difference between talking about someone and running them down. I will talk to a friend about another friend for example if I am worried about them in some way and want a second opinion or help to approach them, but I wont criticise anyone without it being what I have said to the person concerned! Even then it’s rare as I try to live by the maxim that you do unto others as you would have done unto you etc!

I think people who habitually talk in a negative way about others can't be very happy and I lose respect very quickly for backstabbers.

On the other hand: I never take note of the opinions of those for whom I have no regard. (Great Aunt Maria)

My next door neighbour works with several people like that, and often comes home in tears about it all.