The "one"

OP

either get on with your life with someone who you care for and who cares for you or leave him!

You’ll drive him away with your obsessive behaviour and you’ll drive us away with your constant “pleas” for truthful answers!

G ..how old are you OP. As someone upthread said you sound like a teenager…

I suspect it's like that woman who kept checking up on her husband working in the US remember she even rang the restaurant he'd eaten at to check they actually had the meal on their menu. This poster is going to keep us going round and round as nothing said seems to satisfy her.
I vote we wrap it up and move on

This person’s “fun” is repeatedly asking the same unanswerable question - a repeat of another very similar recent post. Slightly different question, but the OP will just keep on asking for reassurance until all responses are exhausted.

This is just going round in circles!
Just someone having a bit of sport with GN?

This is another made up post 🙄 same style of writing as one not that long ago.

It's the person who was obsessed with the timing of her bloke's phone calls and texts when he was working away.

This is a young OP , with little or no experience of life.

I wonder if this is the sister of the person who was making umpteen phone calls every 5 minutes to check up if her lover loved her or was cheating on her while he was on a work trip
Sounds the same level of teenage angst

You seem very obsessive with his ex. That relationships not your issue or concern.🤷‍♀️

Either move forward with the relationship, or end it.

OK, here it is. I assume that as you have particularly asked for it, you are not going to have a strop when you read it. There are two answers, I will give you both.

My first honest opinion is that it sounds as though you do not have very much experience of adult relationships. It seems you believe that you will go from zero to max, from no lover to The One, and that your One will do exactly the same. You think he will go from no lover to meeting you, and wham!! he is your One and you are his One for ever and a day, never feeling any draw to anyone else, for the rest of your lives and beyond.

It just aint like that, though. There are many people in the world who would be great partners for each of us. That has to be true, for widows and widowers would have long lives of sorrow and loneliness if second marriages could never be happy. We all know people who have met someone else after losing the love of their lives, and discovered that they have a second love. I remember how, when Gransnet had not been going very long, one poster's son-in-law was killed in action leaving a grieving widow and a couple of young children. A few years later she found new happiness and married again.

You don't want your partner to have loved anyone else before he met you. That is jealousy turned backwards in time. He can insure against future jealousy by being faithful, but he has no defence against your resentment of his past relationship - he can't unlive it. If you can't forget it, you will destroy your own relationship.

My second opinion? I am not convinced that your story is completely true. It reads too much like a chicklit teen novel, or a drama dreamed up by an adolescent girl to send to an online agony aunt, so that she can read it on the internet.

Well, you did ask.

Thank you all for your responses.
It just meant alot when he said I was the only person he has felt this with.

As I said... another progressive post...

I gave you my 'truthful reply' at 2:40

You have had plenty of good advice yet are now asking for ‘truthful’ advice. We are trying to help but don’t know you, we can’t know the truth, only you know how you feel.

your truthful reply would satisfy me, i only want truthful responses. so please share. I wont criticise and will think about it.

MrsDoreenx

I guess its because he told me he hasnt said that, his ex said that he did and now he says he cant remember if he ever did.

I want to move forwrd but this is a lie and I dont know how to communicate with him about his. what should next steps be, what would you do. Please truthful replies what you would do.

thank you everyone for our input already.

But do you really WANT truthful replies, or do you want everyone to spend hours chewing over each word of your posts like teenagers in a sleepover discussing the class stud, and then more hours consoling you for your obsessive speculations on whether or not he is lying to you and whether he still loves his ex more than you?

My truthful reply would not satisfy you, so I won't give it to you. My ADVICE (a different thing altogether) is to think seriously about whether you want to continue with the relationship.

If you come to the conclusion that he is untrustworthy, then tell him it is all over and put it behind you.

If you decide he DOES truly think you are now The One (whatever he may have thought before - or whatever his ex may tell you that he thought before) and if you want it to continue, than grow up and shut up. There is no quicker way to send a man into someone else's arms than by refusing to believe that he loves you more than his ex - sooner or later they start to agree with you.

You will drive yourself mad if you dont stop overthinking this.
Phoning the ex in my opinion was a wrong move. It makes you look very insecure and needy.
If you love him, enjoy what you have got and stop catastrosising,otherwise he will run for the hills.

Life is too short to be constantly forensically analysing everything your partner has or has not told you and what is every utteranc ereally means.

It actually says more about you than your partner. Y ou are clearly insecure and need to be constantly examining everything for signs of ambiguity. You alone know why this is, but perhaps some counselling could help you deal with this problem before you damage your existing relationship.

I am another who thinks the whole concept of 'the one' is a load of tosh. In different circumstances with just a slightly changed social circle you or he may have met someone else entirely and been convinced that they were 'the one'

Looking at my own past, there were 2 other men, who if circumstances had been different I could have fallen in love with and married. the process started, but then life changed and I married DH, and do not regret it.

what should next steps be, what would you do.

I would apologise for being so stupid as to phone his ex.
(I can think of worse words than stupid).

He hasnt done anything that makes me doubt his intentions and he is truthful and I can see and tell he loves me so much. He is all green flags, no red ones.

I guess it meant something that he said that he had never felt this way about anyone, didnt know how he would ever tell and he never said it to anyone else.

I dont know why you would say all of that to lie - he volunteerd this information at first, It isnt like I quizzed him when we met.

I guess its because he told me he hasnt said that, his ex said that he did and now he says he cant remember if he ever did.

I want to move forwrd but this is a lie and I dont know how to communicate with him about his. what should next steps be, what would you do. Please truthful replies what you would do.

thank you everyone for our input already.

MrsDoreenx

thank you all for your replies. Do you think he has lied, though?

No. I think he's saying what he genuinely wants to be the truth.
He's not trying to deceive you or two-time you, he's with you and has been for four years, a good length of time.
Unless you met as children, he will have a history as no doubt so do you.

Stop looking for imagined trouble in the past and start looking forward to a happy future together.
It's your decision whether that happens, or whether you push him away.

You clearly don't trust him MrsDoreenx but I'm not sure you would trust anyone.
Your obsessing over every word he says and contacting his ex are not the actions of a woman who believes she has found her soul mate.
Step back from this for a while and take stock of your insecurities.

This is another one of those progressive posts...