Hello
thank you for your interest in reading my thread. I am looking for some perspective on a topic that is, I think, childish but at the same time, it is upsetting me deeply.
I have been with my partner for 4 years. After a few months he told me he loved me and that I was his "one". He then would tell me how good it felt being with "the one" as he has never felt this way before. I asked if he had ever told any ex-partners this and he said no, before me, he didn't believe in the one. I have sometimes doubted what he has said, particularly about his past. For example, he told me that him and his ex broke up in December 2019 and she moved out in February 2020. However, I found out that they actually broke up in the March 2020 and she moved out in July 2020. We met in April and started dating in May.
I felt frustrated and I know I shouldnt have but I contacted his ex to find out if there was any overlap because I would end things if there was, despite being with him for 4 years, as he has promised me.
She then replied back saying what I said above, it ended in March and she moved out in July and that she and him didnt try and get back together so there was no overalp with our relationship. I then foolishly asked her if he ever called her the one, wanted kids with her and spoke about Marriage. She replied, "Yes, he did".
I was floored as he has said that he never said any of that stuff to her. I confronted him, he was a bit annoyed that I reached out to her but he admitted the timeline and said he was worried I wouldnt give him a chance because their relationship ended just before meeting me. He thought I would see this as a red flag and he didnt want to scare me off as he thoguth I would be put off by the lack of time inbetween. I then confronted him about "the one". He said that he hasnt lied and he hasnt had the one before. He only believed that when he met me. He said that never said that to her and maybe it was written in a card one day at valentines thats it. I then accepted this.
The next day I thought more about it, I asked if he was telling me the truth and it is only me he has said that to. He said that he doesnt have a "photographic memory" and he cant "prove her wrong just like she cant prove that he said it". He said that he doesnt ever remember saying it and he thinks it is unlikely he did say it as he didnt believe in it. However, he said that if it was ever said, at all, and that isnt him saying he did, then it wasnt true.
However, why cant he swear down he didn’t say anything like that at all, like he has before?
I know this is all childish but what would you take from this?
I must add, in 4 years, he has been open and transparent. He makes effort to see me, make plans and spend time with me. He is thoughful and I honestly do feel like his number 1 priority. This has floored me as I believed I was his "one" and he hadnt ever met her yet.
What would you take from what he has said?
Do you think he did say it to her and how would you react.
Be kind. I take things quite literal and I think very black and white terms.
Thank you
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