Family aren’t living locally

I’ve got one down the road and one in Australia. In total I see more of my Aussie one in a year than my extremely busy daughter here.
I do know what you mean though and it is lovely every now and then to enjoy a quick pop in and being around for a bit of childcare when needed.
My sisters and I grew up on the other side of the world and now live about 2hours away from each other so more effort is needed to see each other but we all keep in touch on messenger. We have lots of groups, sisters, children, and a whole family one. The last is rather unwieldy!
I’m afraid you just have to get on with it and make lots of friends. Sometimes easier said than done but not impossible.

Well think yourselves all lucky many of us have children and grandchildren over the other side of the world and totally out of reach
I m happy for them

I feel sorry for those GCs whose GPs are missing them. I remember visiting my GPs when I lived in London and they lived at Hampton. I used to go after for dinner some evenings.

When I arrived all I wanted to do was sit and watch the news with my GP after a hard day at work. Nana used to fuss around me - " would you like this, do you want that?" It drove me mad. I was in my early twenties at the time.

I do regret not seeing more of them but they moved to the south coast and life got in they way.

Writing this reminded me of the time my DH had a workshop to himself. I would get home after a days work in a large office full of people and a journey home, albeit short, on a crowded tube. All I wanted was a small time reading the paper with a drink in hand. My DH, having been by himself all day, just wanted to talk.

I just wish i was on good terms with my daughter and saw her sometimes. Would never move to be near children as they could move any time and would they want me following them?to those that have regular contact and face time and speak on the phone, it shows you are close despite the miles.

My family were not local to our London Grandparents. Got on well. I helped care through their final illnesses whilst caring for my babies.

Quality over quantity is always a good measure, imo.

It sounds like you are suffering from empty nest syndrome.
Maybe you have friends whose children live locally and you are envious.
I moved 500 miles from my family when I married and came to live near his but now only one of my 4 DC lives nearby and that is an hour in the car.
DH died and his relatives have mostly gone too so I rely heavily on my friends.
I am used to being far away so although I would love to be nearer, I put up with it and see them as often as possible.
I spent a month in NZ with DS2 earlier this year. DD and DS3 have just spent the weekend with me. DS1 is nearest and they are so busy, I've not seen them for weeks.

I sold my house and relocated 100 miles to make sure that I live by my daughter and grandchildren. They were not able to live near to me and my company allowed me to WFH so at 62 years of ages I left everything else behind and started all over again so as to be close to them. I'm not going to miss their young years and want to be with them as often as possible while they are still young enough to want their granny.

It's not been easy and there are many things I miss about home, but it's the choice I've made and I'd do it again.

My eldest brothers oldest son lives in Japan and another brothers only child lives in Taiwan. Neither are ever coming back to the UK and and feel so sorry for their parents.

Stillness We are in the same situation as you. Our son and family live 200 miles away and DD, no family, lives 100 miles away.

I am possibly more resilient, as I grew up in similar circumstances. My father was in the army and at times we lived overseas and didn't see grandparents for years on end.

That never undermined my love for my maternal grandmother or our close connection.

What we did start doing quite early was having our grandchildren to stay on their own. Now in their mid-late teens they can travel down to visit us themselves and we do keep in contact online.

I suppose it depends on ones expectations. Many people with children living locally do not necessarily mean seeing each other a lot or any 'popping in'. In fact I suspect that this 'popping in' idea is a relatively modern concept and that while some grandparents are in that position, you are in the majority in not being able to do that.

Count your blessings, they could live in the next road and you might not ever see them.

You sound to be a sensible person and will as you say ' count your blessings ' .
Good luck ! 💐

Thanks for the further replies. Yes, we do FaceTime usually on a weekly basis and in between if anything important and they are great at texting with additional news and photos. Actually I’m not at all sure I’d want to regularly look after the grandchildren anyway …which is possibly what would happen if they were on the doorstep! And I take on board all the comments here from people with families in another country. So, really I need a good shake up I think and start to count my blessings which is what this post is contributing to!

My family don't live anywhere near me and, like other posters, we keep up with zoom, phone calls, regular visiting, etc and I'm fine with that 99.9% of the time.

But there is very occasionally an 'oh I wish they were closer' moment because some things just need face to face.

If I've heard a joke or seen something that has creased me up for instance, and know that an AC would be exactly the same, it's not as funny trying to explain it or describe it over the phone or on zoom. At those moments I think 'gosh, I wish AC was close enough to see in person'.

None of my family even live on the same continent! One is in South Africa, the other Australia. And neither are ever likely o return - except for visits.

I console myself with the fact that they are living their best lives and doing well.

During one visit, my then 6 year old grandson told me that although we didn't spend much time together, what we did have was quality time.

Yes, it would be lovely if all your family were living close-by, especially as you get older, but it can't always be like that.

Make the best of what there is and don't hanker after the impossible. It will only make you sad.

None of my kids live at all local.

I sometimes think, ooh wouldnt it be nice to take, or help take them swimming regularly or something.
It is not likely to happen.
I think I mainly think like that, when I see or hear a friend taking her grandchildren somewhere.

I console myself that all of them are happy, and they have a choice to move nearer[though a couple would have to change the type of job they are in] if they wanted to.

I think it all largely depends on what type of person you are, as to how you cope.

One DD and GC are an hour away and we do volunteer to take GC to evening activities so see them (albeit briefly) a couple of times a month. We also try to meet up for birthdays. Her Inlaws live round the corner from them so see them more and I am more than a tad jealous cos they have them to sleep over and that has never happened with us. Other DD went to Uni 200 miles away and never came back. She's nearly 41 now, married, and undergoing IVF. This year I've been fighting cancer (doing well so far, should have the final opinion on treatment in a couple of months) so my main worry is I might never see her baby at all, and even if I live it will be only a few times a year. I would consider moving closer to her (the older GCs are nearly teenagers now) but hubby won't budge.

We've no siblings, cousins and old friends are dying off, so not a lot to keep us here.

A few years ago we went on a World Cruise and made friends with a couple from Liverpool. They were doing the whole trip from/to Southampton. At Sydney they announced they were getting off and flying home cos they missed their many GC in Liverpool too much!!!

You do sound very lonely OP, but maybe you need to move close to them?

Or invest in some technology to see them - zoom calls, WhatsApp and face time are freely available.

I have family in other countries, and we keep in close contact with tech.

My grandchildren used to think that I lived at the airport as this is where they would meet me and say goodbye. They live in the USA, I used to look at other grandparents enjoying their grandchildren and feel sad. I would not go out on Mother's Day as everyone would be with their children/grandchildren. It is very upsetting when your family doesn't live nearby. You must enjoy every minute your with them. People used to say 'Thank heavens for facetime" but it's not the same.

I understand how you feel, DD lives abroad and DS lives a 45 minute drive from me.
My sister has lived overseas since her marriage in the 60s, her visits are less frequent now because she is in her 80s.

Son lives 300 miles away, daughter 9 miles. I drive over to hers or she comes to me. The drive is 25/30 minutes if no traffic so see quite often.
My son I saw today as he came down to see the football team he supports.

Thank you for the replies. Yes my AC also went to uni and left home never to really live with us again, so I should be used to it! I think it’s with the arrival of grandchildren some years back that family started to feel so much more important and maybe this is emphasised by our having very few other relatives, coming from small families ourselves. Your comments are helpful and comforting, thank you. My days are actually crammed with all sorts of things, including some voluntary work and spending time with cherished friends. It’s all good but none replaces close family contact. Thanks again.

We can't help the way we feel, and you are doing what you know you should, by trying not to let this feeling affect you too much.

Take a good look at what you fill your days with. To me it sounds as if you are finding time hanging heavily on your hands.

Could you join in some local activity? Perhaps meet people who could become the kind of friends who can and do pop in?

I never expected my children to live locally, so it doesn’t worry me that they are at the other end of the country. They went away to university in their late teens and didn’t ever live with me again. This seemed to me the normal thing to do. I wanted them to spread their wings. We are in constant touch.

Please think that even if you live locally, popping in may not be possible.

Distance does not dictate how often you can see somebody, but their schedules

We have most of our family close and are close.
I don't believe any of us "just pop in" without at least a phone call first though.

My mother had eight brothers and a sister and my father four brothers. We rarely saw them or my grandparents. They all lived scattered around London and the South East, my only sister lives in Yorkshire and husband’s brother in Scotland. We have lived in many countries so until retirement family visits were rare. Now my AC all live far away but it certainly is not a problem. These days you can text, FaceTime and all other methods of communication, there is no reason to feel cut off from them. I still feel just as close to them and can chat for hours on the phone. Just fill your life with activities unrelated to family. Once they have flown you have done your job.

I also understand how you feel Stillness and don’t think your being unreasonable, both my adult children don’t live “round the corner” although not as far as yours it’s still a car journey so no they can’t just pop in arrangements have to be made. I don’t know what they answer is but as Smileless says just be kind to yourself you can’t help the way you feel.