Family aren’t living locally

You obviously miss them Stillness and wish you could see them more often, neither of which is unreasonable or selfish so perhaps you should be kinder to yourself, and stop berating yourself for feeling as you do.

Maybe then you'll be able to enjoy the good things that you say your life is full of and your happy marriage .

Hello stillness. My take is be happy your children aren’t abroad , which makes trips even more awkward because of so much advance planning needed.
If someone is poorly or something else comes up you stand to lose the entire flight /airport parking etc cost, it’s happened to us more than once.
My dream Woukd be to be able to travel in the uk by car or train, however long the journey. We could then do things more spontaneously or cancel and replan easily without cost.
I do understand about the popping in thing though. I would like it too.
You will just have to get used to it, as do we all.
Best wishes.

I echo the posters above, and understand why you feel like that.
My Mum, my married DD’s and children, and various other relatives all live local to me and we pop in and out of each others homes all the time.It’s what we’re used to and take for granted.
So many sad stories of AC living hundreds of miles away, but in modern life this is now usual,and my own set up is very unusual I think.Maybe one day you could move closer to them and regard it as an adventure?

And nowadays with what’s app, FaceTime, Messenger, e mails, photos on phones etc., it’s so easy to see and talk to them, although not in person, so to speak.

Just think about years ago, just the post, and telephone if you were lucky.

Be grateful for how far things have come. Not always easy, I know (with family in Australia), but it’s life.

I have 3, one is in a different country and the other two are at least a 3 hour drive away.
I would love to do school pick ups and sleepovers but it’s not to be.
I thank the Lord there is no estrangement and we are all on the same continent.

I know exactly how you feel. We moved to Ireland nearly 21 years ago, my daughter went back to England to university in 2008 (a year after my first husband/her daddy died), my son went back the following year.
So although I have remarried I desperately miss my 2 children and granddaughter. On average we only meet up 3 or 4 times a year.
I would love to just go shopping/meet up for coffee/have them round for a meal.
It's hard some days to adopt a more positive mindset but then again I read on here about grandparents who are worn out and have very little, if any, free time because they are now caring for grandchildren while AC are working. And when I do meet up with my children it's always great fun and we make every minute count.
We met up in London last month to see Moulin Rouge, then went for a meal at daughter's favourite vegan restaurant.
I guess all you can do is make plans for future meet ups and enjoy the freedom in between

My children live locally, but visits are usually scheduled as they both work and have busy lives. If you could move nearer to yours they could, at some point, move again, i accept mine could do just that too.
I always knew my children were lent to me and then make their own lives, I’m happy if they’re happy.

I also understand how you feel Stillness and don’t think your being unreasonable, both my adult children don’t live “round the corner” although not as far as yours it’s still a car journey so no they can’t just pop in arrangements have to be made. I don’t know what they answer is but as Smileless says just be kind to yourself you can’t help the way you feel.

My mother had eight brothers and a sister and my father four brothers. We rarely saw them or my grandparents. They all lived scattered around London and the South East, my only sister lives in Yorkshire and husband’s brother in Scotland. We have lived in many countries so until retirement family visits were rare. Now my AC all live far away but it certainly is not a problem. These days you can text, FaceTime and all other methods of communication, there is no reason to feel cut off from them. I still feel just as close to them and can chat for hours on the phone. Just fill your life with activities unrelated to family. Once they have flown you have done your job.

We have most of our family close and are close.
I don't believe any of us "just pop in" without at least a phone call first though.

Please think that even if you live locally, popping in may not be possible.

Distance does not dictate how often you can see somebody, but their schedules

I never expected my children to live locally, so it doesn’t worry me that they are at the other end of the country. They went away to university in their late teens and didn’t ever live with me again. This seemed to me the normal thing to do. I wanted them to spread their wings. We are in constant touch.

We can't help the way we feel, and you are doing what you know you should, by trying not to let this feeling affect you too much.

Take a good look at what you fill your days with. To me it sounds as if you are finding time hanging heavily on your hands.

Could you join in some local activity? Perhaps meet people who could become the kind of friends who can and do pop in?

Thank you for the replies. Yes my AC also went to uni and left home never to really live with us again, so I should be used to it! I think it’s with the arrival of grandchildren some years back that family started to feel so much more important and maybe this is emphasised by our having very few other relatives, coming from small families ourselves. Your comments are helpful and comforting, thank you. My days are actually crammed with all sorts of things, including some voluntary work and spending time with cherished friends. It’s all good but none replaces close family contact. Thanks again.

Son lives 300 miles away, daughter 9 miles. I drive over to hers or she comes to me. The drive is 25/30 minutes if no traffic so see quite often.
My son I saw today as he came down to see the football team he supports.

I understand how you feel, DD lives abroad and DS lives a 45 minute drive from me.
My sister has lived overseas since her marriage in the 60s, her visits are less frequent now because she is in her 80s.

My grandchildren used to think that I lived at the airport as this is where they would meet me and say goodbye. They live in the USA, I used to look at other grandparents enjoying their grandchildren and feel sad. I would not go out on Mother's Day as everyone would be with their children/grandchildren. It is very upsetting when your family doesn't live nearby. You must enjoy every minute your with them. People used to say 'Thank heavens for facetime" but it's not the same.

You do sound very lonely OP, but maybe you need to move close to them?

Or invest in some technology to see them - zoom calls, WhatsApp and face time are freely available.

I have family in other countries, and we keep in close contact with tech.

One DD and GC are an hour away and we do volunteer to take GC to evening activities so see them (albeit briefly) a couple of times a month. We also try to meet up for birthdays. Her Inlaws live round the corner from them so see them more and I am more than a tad jealous cos they have them to sleep over and that has never happened with us. Other DD went to Uni 200 miles away and never came back. She's nearly 41 now, married, and undergoing IVF. This year I've been fighting cancer (doing well so far, should have the final opinion on treatment in a couple of months) so my main worry is I might never see her baby at all, and even if I live it will be only a few times a year. I would consider moving closer to her (the older GCs are nearly teenagers now) but hubby won't budge.

We've no siblings, cousins and old friends are dying off, so not a lot to keep us here.

A few years ago we went on a World Cruise and made friends with a couple from Liverpool. They were doing the whole trip from/to Southampton. At Sydney they announced they were getting off and flying home cos they missed their many GC in Liverpool too much!!!

None of my kids live at all local.

I sometimes think, ooh wouldnt it be nice to take, or help take them swimming regularly or something.
It is not likely to happen.
I think I mainly think like that, when I see or hear a friend taking her grandchildren somewhere.

I console myself that all of them are happy, and they have a choice to move nearer[though a couple would have to change the type of job they are in] if they wanted to.

I think it all largely depends on what type of person you are, as to how you cope.

None of my family even live on the same continent! One is in South Africa, the other Australia. And neither are ever likely o return - except for visits.

I console myself with the fact that they are living their best lives and doing well.

During one visit, my then 6 year old grandson told me that although we didn't spend much time together, what we did have was quality time.

Yes, it would be lovely if all your family were living close-by, especially as you get older, but it can't always be like that.

Make the best of what there is and don't hanker after the impossible. It will only make you sad.

My family don't live anywhere near me and, like other posters, we keep up with zoom, phone calls, regular visiting, etc and I'm fine with that 99.9% of the time.

But there is very occasionally an 'oh I wish they were closer' moment because some things just need face to face.

If I've heard a joke or seen something that has creased me up for instance, and know that an AC would be exactly the same, it's not as funny trying to explain it or describe it over the phone or on zoom. At those moments I think 'gosh, I wish AC was close enough to see in person'.

Thanks for the further replies. Yes, we do FaceTime usually on a weekly basis and in between if anything important and they are great at texting with additional news and photos. Actually I’m not at all sure I’d want to regularly look after the grandchildren anyway …which is possibly what would happen if they were on the doorstep! And I take on board all the comments here from people with families in another country. So, really I need a good shake up I think and start to count my blessings which is what this post is contributing to!

You sound to be a sensible person and will as you say ' count your blessings ' .
Good luck ! 💐