Family aren’t living locally

You’re not being selfish at all, you’re just missing that close connection, which is very natural, when emotions dip a bit I try to rebalance, drift boss can be a simple way to ease the mind.

i’m sure you won’t regret moving to be close. i don’t have any family near where i live and for me family is extremely important

i live alone and my son, d in law and grandson live about 2.5 hrs away so i can’t just go up for a short visit. i do go up regularly but i stay overnight so that i can have my grandson for the day. decided i’m going to move to be much closer to them. but that doesn’t mean that i will ever just pop in. there’ll always be a prior arrangement. but i want to be around to do the small things school pick ups etc and to be on hand for last minute things. so for me it’ll work if i live much nearer.

We are making the move very soon to be near my eldest daughter and her family the youngest being 2
It was a big decision but have no other family other than a sister in law 120 miles away. Just hoping it all works out. The 5/6 hr journey was becoming awful and we could my just visit a couple times in the year.

We moved 250 miles from our adult children and grandchild. I do miss the popping in but when they/we visit, fairly frequently, it’s lovely, like a holiday.

We all live in same town. But we are all busy: jobs and life. No weekly visits as my parents would have expected. I go to fitness classes/ U3A and keep myself busy.

My daughter and GC live a hour and 15 mins away by car, as I’m retired I can drive down in the week if child care is needed but on average we all see each other fortnightly and the main reason for that the GC stays at their fathers every other weekend…..

Most of my brood are 72 miles away, (except for youngest 2) and one not so far,but still an hour & a half.I see them when i can.& ring up.Many families are further away these days.I sympathise,but you have to try to make the most of it.It was very difficult for us all last year,when i was ill.But it is what it is,and they came to visit as much as they could.I am very grateful i am still around to see them when i can.

I am thankful that all my 3 children and their families, live locally. My daughter and 2 sons work full time. My daughter pops in regularly. I hardly see my sons. One works away a lot and the other is extremely busy. Depending on their family plans, i am sometimes invited on a Saturday or Sunday.
My d.ils parents also live locally, so it’s natural they see more of them. But I have learnt to accept it.
That’s the way the cookie crumbles, as the saying goes.

I know how you feel as mine all live away - 62; 182and 325 miles away and we do see them but the 5 changes of train Sunday returning including a horrid bus transfer with someone just in front of me vomiting including over the girl who didn’t know him , 🤮, were a bit much . 3 men got thrown off the bus . However I know people with children in Australia; New Zealand , USA and even China so comparatively lucky 🍀! It seems if they are well educated and go off to Uni they don't always return. On the other hand if they do an apprenticeship and become plumber , electrician , hair dresser etc they are more likely to stay near where they were brought up . Just an observation . That’s just life I suppose .

Although we have 4 DC and they all have DC, they have all moved away.
From 20miles across the city to 12,000 miles in NZ. We talk to the faraway ones on video calls at least once a week.

I see the nearest ones more frequently but it has never been very often and now my DH has died I rely on good friends for company.

Now my friends are leaving too......
Some have decided to live near their DC to help out.

I have never thought I would do that though if needed I would drop everything to help.

I don't want to be a burden to my kids.

Both my grown up children live/work overseas. My daughter is in Dubai, UAE with her little son (currently my only grandchild) and her husband. My son is in Zurich with his wife. As the children of expats I can’t pretend to be surprised they both chose to live/work overseas and I’m happy to travel to visit them as I’m still young / healthy enough to travel easily. I’m so relieved I spent a month in Dubai with my grandson in December / early January as currently travelling to Dubai is difficult. I’m hopeful I will be able to travel to the UAE in October to meet my second grandchild once s/he is born. In the meantime we enjoy family Zoom calls on a weekly basis so I still get to see my little grandson who smiles as soon as he sees me before running off to play for a bit, then returning to kiss the screen and saying hello Gaga …. Can I suggest you use Zoom / Microsoft Teams / Google Meetings to see your grandchildren more often? I’m sure you can work something out with your own family.

I am an only child and so is my husband so we delighted in our 2 children, now they live at opposite ends of the globe and my grandchildren are 4000 miles away, this is not what I wanted but I want them to be happy, it’s just the way it’s worked out but it’s really really tough

Whilst I do have one AC and their family living literally round the corner my other AC and their family live in Southern France, whilst we do see them several times a year as well as video calling fairly regularly it breaks my heart that I can hold them in my arms as often as I’d like, but I do realise that I’m a lot luckier than people whose children have moved to the likes of America or Australia from the UK and I try to remind myself that by them to have the courage to move abroad and not be afraid to spread their wings and soar is a measure of my success in their upbringing to believe in themselves.
I’m a hobby sewist and make the children sweatshirts etc and send them to them that way I hope they can feel a bit of me hugging them from afar

One of our daughter's and 2 grandchildren live 8,000 miles away. I'm just grateful they happy and we are able to visit whenever we can. Thank goodness for video calls.

Son and family( two grandkids) in NZ for last 30 years,I won’t go again it’s too far for me now, one daughter and 3 grandkids in Europe for last 25 years, easier to get to, but not round the corner. Eldest and two grandkids were also in Europe until her partner, father of her two young children died she then returned to Uk nearby so I could help.
For now one grandaughter has been in Australia two years a grandson working in Scotland other end of the country Another is travelling round the Far East hopefully will settle back but won’t be nearby as she’s been offered a job 200 miles away
It’s what we have to do, bring them up to be confident enough to do what they know is best for them.

I truly believe that we must accept that our children fly wherever they need too and we give them support and get on with our own lives, and now we can have online chats, instant photos, videos, so much more ability to keep in touch than when we were growing up.
Be happy for them

Both DDs live 60 miles away, which is not too bad - 1.5 hour drive.
TBH though, it’s pretty normal to me to not have family around the corner. I never have - and for many years we were a 7-8 hour flight away.
My parents never had any family close by, either.

Due to my past and then divorce my two eldest adult children an d 5 grandchildren live in France!
One on the outskirts of Paris and my middle one in Soissons, Aisne. Due to Brexit Eurostar only leaves from London! The whole experience is horrendous and we are treated like cattle fodder! I find it extremely expensive and stressful. So don’t go anymore.
My youngest duly daughter and husband and two boys live in Sevenoaks, Kent. Which is 45 minutes (A23/M23/M25) on a good run.
I’m lucky I see them weekly !
The separations are difficult, family gatherings rare.
But I’m so very grateful for the amazing kindness of my eldest and youngest daughters who include me in their summer holidays.
I never see my middle daughter

All 4 of my children went to uni and never came home to live except for short intervals.
Now my son and his family live a 6h drive away and the 3 girls all moved to Edinburgh which is nearer but too far for popping in !
I'm grateful the girls have each other for support though I sometimes feel like that's now the default position and I am sidelined.
However, it is no good feeling sad and moping, however much you miss them .
I think that's a bit self indulgent really.
My late Mum would say " you give them wings and let them fly "
I remember that when I am feeling lonely.
We did exactly that and now they should be free to live their own lives .
I am grateful they do come to stay quite often..and we are always pleased to wave goodbye too !

I lived away when children were very young and did miss my family but realised that was my life. Only when parents were needing a bit TLC did we move nearer. My parents did not want us to move nearer saying they'd basically had their life and I was to get on with mine. Now being of their age they were at that time I realise I too would not want family to move nearer nor would I move. Your family made their decision and hopefully they enjoy their life where they are. You have to accept it is their life, very unlikely you can change it. Concentrate on the keeping in touch and the visits you do have.

I feel your pain Stillness. You say there is no possibility that you can move to be near your family. Have you really considered every option? I only ask because I was in a very similar position to you. After much soul searching decided I had only one life and moved near to my son, daughter in law and grandchildren. The best decision I have ever made.

I hope the op has settled down now. I do hope so. She posted her op in August 2024

That's life, Stillness, isn't it?
At least you have a husband.
I'm an octogenarian , living on my own, in Berks. whilst daughter and partner live in Cheshire, with their young sons.(12 and 16)
They do their best to visit as much as possible, and that's great, but what I do envy is those grandparents' ability to get to know their grandchildren really well, if they live nearby. Although I have a good relationship with the boys, I just don't know them well, and they don;t know ME well. Nor can I offer to take on the occasional responsibility of looking after them. I really do feel jealous of friends who see their GCs often, but there's no point in whinging about it. If I'm still around when they get older, perhaps I will get to know them a bit better.

You must be positive and be grateful that they only live 100 miles away. I have one daughter and she and her family live 4000 miles away in USA. Of course I would love to be able to just pop in and give them all a hug, but I am just so happy that they are all doing so well in their new life. We manage at the moment to get over there once a year, even though we are in our eighties. Try to stay positive, being miserable doesn’t help your situation at all.

My only grandchild lives 4 hours away by car (much longer if I take train/bus) but lives ten minutes from his other Grandparents, not that I am at all jealous