Beware the Nanny State is here!

adults over 65 are vulnerable simply by age

What a ridiculous idea. DH was still working in the offshore engineering industry until 75. Travelling abroad to 'interesting' countries, going offshore, striding around shipyatds in freezing temperatures, supervising £multimillion projects.

Thank goodness it never occurred to anyone that his age meant that he was 'vulnerable'

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adults over 65 are vulnerable simply by age

Well, I'm astonished.

I know over 65s who are very active and caring for others, in fact I know over 80s who are doing just that.

Classing over 65s as vulnerable is really quite insulting, particularly as State Pension age is now 66, increasing to 67.

If over 65s are vulnerable^ how can they be expected to work?

Vulnerability
Being vulnerable is defined as in need of special care, support, or protection because of age, disability, risk of abuse or neglect.

AreWeThereYet

^My husband of nearly 90 years of age is a little stooped nowadays and I, twelve years his junior, am impeded by obesity so cannot walk as well as I could wish.^

Sorry but I would say that to a concerned onlooker there may appear to be 2 vulnerable adults in your house. I know you will disagree as you think you are in sound health and able to take care of yourselves.

I think this was meant kindly but I can understand your annoyance that anyone should have the temerity to want to get you some assistance. We all think we're superhuman and nothing will ever happen to us and we'll always be able to cope. But things do happen unexpectedly. Especially as we get older.

If one of you was to have an accident and the other not be able to get help quickly enough there would be loud screams all over GN that someone should have seen that you might need some help, and why did no one report it???

Of course the OP and her husband are vulnerable, look at the Safeguarding policy, adults over 65 are vulnerable simply by age and in this case you have obesity and a 90 year old who is stooped. No brainer. This does not mean they are not managing, but it does sound like some support would be good for the household. We are however entitled to live how we want as long as it does not affect others. Are you both in agreement that is how you wish to live. Do you both manage to shower or strip wash daily, had a cooked meal and a good night's sleep. if not perhaps some private help might be a good idea, you say you can afford it. Why be so reluctant to accept a visit From Social, they are there to help you and will respect your choice to live how you wish unless it is dangerous for either of you or others of course. Do you entertain much? Does your family visit you?

I think contacting adult SS's is an excellent idea SingingRabbits to make sure the calls were from them. If they were, the next time you're chatting to friends, neighbours and family tell them what happened and how you feel about it.

However well intentioned if whoever it was knows this has understandably upset you, they wont make the mistake of doing it again .

I may be the only one here that likes the idea of a Nanny State. If it means a return to tv information films about safety etc I am all in favour.

Highly suspicious calls. Social Services would never start a conversation in such an insensitive way. Someone is being deliberately unkind.

I agree with others. I don't think social services would take that tactless approach. It's best to establish whether this is a social worker, or a prankster. Good luck to you. Keep your house exactly Hoe you like it.

I understand very well why you are hurt, angry and offended. I would be too.

I second the advice to get in touch with Social Services yourself to check whether the call did actually come from them, as a result of an anonymous tip-off, or whatever they call it.

It is better to know that it was a genuine call, whether the person who contacted them was justified or not in so doing, than to be afraid it might be some kind of scam.

I think that it might be worth you getting a device you can both wear at home.. and subscription to the providing company, in case either of you do need emergency help.
From £60 pa if you look on line..

I’d be livid too, OP! As for ‘kind and well-intentioned’, well, maybe it was, but it does somewhat smack of bossy/interfering/do-good-ing, too.

Fael, the case you quote is rather different. Dementia makes a great difference to this sort of scenario.

My husband of nearly 90 years of age is a little stooped nowadays and I, twelve years his junior, am impeded by obesity so cannot walk as well as I could wish.

Sorry but I would say that to a concerned onlooker there may appear to be 2 vulnerable adults in your house. I know you will disagree as you think you are in sound health and able to take care of yourselves.

I think this was meant kindly but I can understand your annoyance that anyone should have the temerity to want to get you some assistance. We all think we're superhuman and nothing will ever happen to us and we'll always be able to cope. But things do happen unexpectedly. Especially as we get older.

If one of you was to have an accident and the other not be able to get help quickly enough there would be loud screams all over GN that someone should have seen that you might need some help, and why did no one report it???

Need a bit more info here- It depends what you mean by untidy- is your front garden a mess with rubbish everywhere? I wouldn’t like to live next to a messy house, possible haven for rodents etc.

Could it be a friend or neighbour that has paid you a visit seen that your are not as tidy as they are( many many people are not tidy) and made an assumption that you are not safe. That’s what it sounds like. I too wouldn’t be happy either. I’d be livid

I also think it was kindly meant but the tone of the enquiry was maybe a bit "off".

I hope you have the details of the person who called so you can call them if you do need help at some point in future!

Meanwhile, you are lucky to both be fit and well.
Sorry you were upset by the call.

I’d be furious, too. We don’t all have to live in exactly the same way and so long as no one is harmed it is none of their damn business. I wouldn’t be letting them into my house, in fact I would tell them to bog off!

6 adults not 7!

Btw, if it was a friend or someone you know well, imo, they should have had the courage of their convictions and spoken to you directly about their concerns and offered to help. That’s what I’d do!

I like you already Singingrabbits

We are such a messy household here, 7 adults and four dogs and medical conditions with both myself and DH, and still have boxes here I couldn’t bear to part with from my late parents house sale back in Feb as well as all the other stuff.

I’m working through it bit by bit, our AC still at home help too and we will (eventually) get there!

Frankly, though done with a kind heart (one would hope) I’d be flipping livid!!

It was well intentioned I'm sure. An elderly friend of mine who lived 200 miles away from me, so my visits were infrequent, had got herself into a bit of a state and was in total denial. She'd forgotten how to use the microwave, the TV remote etc. , told me that a stranger had walked into her house for a cuppa, and she kept ringing me for advice about the oddest things. She was 90 years old but would not go to a doctor. Luckily a neighbour rang social services and now - a few years later, she is warm, comfortable and well cared for in a residential home suffering from dementia.

seadragon

It would do no harm to agree to a visit surely? In 25 years working as a social worker my approach was only rejected twice, However I was able to outline the sort of professional help/support/advice I could offer to both indivduals. They agreed to further contact and I helped one to come to terms with an extremely traumatic childhood experience and the other by helping her and her husband to move to a new home that suited their changing needs and ensured they had all the benefits, services and equipment they were entitled to. I do recognise that it is upsetting to find you have been referred to Social Services without your knowledge, though..... and a personal question like that is not acceptable... We live in a muddle ourselves as I have never been very domesticated and things are beginning to get on top of us. I sometimes wish someone would come and see if they could do something to make things a bit easier for us as all my attempts to 'get sorted" seem to be undone by the next day!

Oh wouldn't it be wonderful to have a SW visit that was like you?

Nowadays they are all accountants ...

I would do what has been previously suggested and contact your local Social Services and say you are concerned that it could be scammers attempting to access you and your husband, keep things cool and courteous so they understand that you are compos mentis , you obviously use the internet so maybe an email rather than a phone so you then have a record of their reply.

I think it probably WAS well intentioned. You say your home is somewhat 'shambolic' which is fine for two fit and healthy adults and entirely your choice. But, are you really seeing it as others would do? My Mum had a lovely friend whose home became so full of 'stuff' after her husband died that she was unable to use some of the rooms and it was certainly a fire hazard! In the end she had a serious fall, probably caused by catching her walking stick on one of the huge piles of 'stuff' (not rubbish by the way). Perhaps take a long hard look at how safe your home is?

Is there a possibility that your personal hygiene is not as good as you think and you have unpleasant body odour to other people? Someone might have become concerned, especially as you admit to being obese with poor mobility.