Beware the Nanny State is here!

I think it very probably was kind and well intentioned..

Oh dear, this doesn’t sound very nice at all, no wonder you are upset, tbh I would be livid. Do you have relatives who could have made this call? It must be someone you know. But is so underhand, I mean why didn’t this person approach you directly and ask if either of you needed any help?
When you say you are not tidy people does this extend to outside areas that neighbours might complain about?
If you fear it could be a friend or acquaintance why not just ask and get it out of the way. No point harbouring suspicions.
Wishing you well with this x

It would do no harm to agree to a visit surely? In 25 years working as a social worker my approach was only rejected twice, However I was able to outline the sort of professional help/support/advice I could offer to both indivduals. They agreed to further contact and I helped one to come to terms with an extremely traumatic childhood experience and the other by helping her and her husband to move to a new home that suited their changing needs and ensured they had all the benefits, services and equipment they were entitled to. I do recognise that it is upsetting to find you have been referred to Social Services without your knowledge, though..... and a personal question like that is not acceptable... We live in a muddle ourselves as I have never been very domesticated and things are beginning to get on top of us. I sometimes wish someone would come and see if they could do something to make things a bit easier for us as all my attempts to 'get sorted" seem to be undone by the next day!

That must have been very shocking for you and I totally understand why you would feel upset and shaken by it. However, although done in a rather clumsy and insensitive way I can only imagine that "somebody" got it into their head that you were struggling with life in some way. Yes, they should have checked with you first. A simple "are things ok right now, anything you need help with?" would have let you reply appropriately. People often don't go about things in a sensible way do they?

Try not to dwell on it too much - it's not worth spoiling your peace of mind over. Just have a good moan about it and move on.

I hope you didn't give any information to the caller.
Just a bit worried it might be a scam.
On balance, perhaps agree to a visit just to reassure them that you are in fact managing quite well.
I also have a very suspicious mind that someone might have a vested interest in your property
Stay very calm and courteous.
Also there may come a time when they might be able to arrange some help for you.

I can imagine how you must feel after receiving such a call. I know I would have been livid. Firstly, are you certain that it was in fact from Social Services? Presumably, if it was, the person would have given you their name and contact details, should you require help in the future. Are you and your husband hoarders? In which case the anonymous caller may have been concerned about your safety, and therefore being kind and well intentioned, although rather insensitive to your feelings.

Nothing but sympathy from me I can imagine how upset you are feeling, if you are sure that you don't need any help, then please just put it all out of your mind.

I'd have been happy to receive an unsolicited offer of help from anyone. I wish I could look forward to such offers as I often worry about what I will do if I become more disabled and can no longer toilet myself as well as I do.

You and your husband do seem to be on the verge of needing help. I'd query the ability of my carer if she were obese.

It’s not about the nanny state but the way you’ve just described yourselves does sound as though you could do with support. I reported a neighbour to social services but they wouldn’t contact her unless two others could corroborate my concerns. In the end, three other people did, including the GP. She refused help. She’s in a right old state.

It is odd that you should get two calls from Social Services. That would make me uneasy, and wonder whether it was some kind of malicious prank.

Has anyone expressed concern abut how you are managing? It is very difficult. to mark the line between managing easily and happily and just 'managing'.

It’s not about the nanny state but the way you’ve just described yourselves does sound as though you could do with support

In what way, exactly?

There is an elderly couple on our street who have a home that is in awful state of disrepair, their garden is full of vermin and we suspect the house is too, they hedges are all overgrown and impinging on the path.
They are hoarders so heaven knows what state the house is in.

They always say they are fine when we ask, there is nothing we can do.

Shinamae

I think it very probably was kind and well intentioned..

My first thought too.

Sago

There is an elderly couple on our street who have a home that is in awful state of disrepair, their garden is full of vermin and we suspect the house is too, they hedges are all overgrown and impinging on the path.
They are hoarders so heaven knows what state the house is in.

They always say they are fine when we ask, there is nothing we can do.

There are younger people who live like this too.

Was the number ( of the caller) withheld?
If yes, then I would phone your social services dept and ask if someone did phone you.

Is there a possibility that your personal hygiene is not as good as you think and you have unpleasant body odour to other people? Someone might have become concerned, especially as you admit to being obese with poor mobility.

I think it probably WAS well intentioned. You say your home is somewhat 'shambolic' which is fine for two fit and healthy adults and entirely your choice. But, are you really seeing it as others would do? My Mum had a lovely friend whose home became so full of 'stuff' after her husband died that she was unable to use some of the rooms and it was certainly a fire hazard! In the end she had a serious fall, probably caused by catching her walking stick on one of the huge piles of 'stuff' (not rubbish by the way). Perhaps take a long hard look at how safe your home is?

I would do what has been previously suggested and contact your local Social Services and say you are concerned that it could be scammers attempting to access you and your husband, keep things cool and courteous so they understand that you are compos mentis , you obviously use the internet so maybe an email rather than a phone so you then have a record of their reply.

seadragon

It would do no harm to agree to a visit surely? In 25 years working as a social worker my approach was only rejected twice, However I was able to outline the sort of professional help/support/advice I could offer to both indivduals. They agreed to further contact and I helped one to come to terms with an extremely traumatic childhood experience and the other by helping her and her husband to move to a new home that suited their changing needs and ensured they had all the benefits, services and equipment they were entitled to. I do recognise that it is upsetting to find you have been referred to Social Services without your knowledge, though..... and a personal question like that is not acceptable... We live in a muddle ourselves as I have never been very domesticated and things are beginning to get on top of us. I sometimes wish someone would come and see if they could do something to make things a bit easier for us as all my attempts to 'get sorted" seem to be undone by the next day!

Oh wouldn't it be wonderful to have a SW visit that was like you?

Nowadays they are all accountants ...

It was well intentioned I'm sure. An elderly friend of mine who lived 200 miles away from me, so my visits were infrequent, had got herself into a bit of a state and was in total denial. She'd forgotten how to use the microwave, the TV remote etc. , told me that a stranger had walked into her house for a cuppa, and she kept ringing me for advice about the oddest things. She was 90 years old but would not go to a doctor. Luckily a neighbour rang social services and now - a few years later, she is warm, comfortable and well cared for in a residential home suffering from dementia.

I like you already Singingrabbits

We are such a messy household here, 7 adults and four dogs and medical conditions with both myself and DH, and still have boxes here I couldn’t bear to part with from my late parents house sale back in Feb as well as all the other stuff.

I’m working through it bit by bit, our AC still at home help too and we will (eventually) get there!

Frankly, though done with a kind heart (one would hope) I’d be flipping livid!!

Btw, if it was a friend or someone you know well, imo, they should have had the courage of their convictions and spoken to you directly about their concerns and offered to help. That’s what I’d do!

6 adults not 7!

I’d be furious, too. We don’t all have to live in exactly the same way and so long as no one is harmed it is none of their damn business. I wouldn’t be letting them into my house, in fact I would tell them to bog off!