Beware the Nanny State is here!

I confess I have only skimmed the 4 pages of this post, but I would be very very suspicious and would certainly refuse to allow a stranger into my home to 'inspect' it.
Do you have any valuables worth stealing?

Social workers are frequently blamed for doing their job as required by law. Monica is right: there is safeguarding to consider. I think the intervention was well intentioned. Social Services are so overstretched that they wouldn't take action on trivial grounds such as general untidyness.

MadeInYorkshire

seadragon

It would do no harm to agree to a visit surely? In 25 years working as a social worker my approach was only rejected twice, However I was able to outline the sort of professional help/support/advice I could offer to both indivduals. They agreed to further contact and I helped one to come to terms with an extremely traumatic childhood experience and the other by helping her and her husband to move to a new home that suited their changing needs and ensured they had all the benefits, services and equipment they were entitled to. I do recognise that it is upsetting to find you have been referred to Social Services without your knowledge, though..... and a personal question like that is not acceptable... We live in a muddle ourselves as I have never been very domesticated and things are beginning to get on top of us. I sometimes wish someone would come and see if they could do something to make things a bit easier for us as all my attempts to 'get sorted" seem to be undone by the next day!

Oh wouldn't it be wonderful to have a SW visit that was like you?

Nowadays they are all accountants ...

Why pick on accountants. I suspect that they earn rather more than social workers.

If I went to someones house who was elderly and it was shambolic, I'd be concerned too and assume they weren't coping well. Not sure I'd report it but maybe we should. Do you have health care assistants or a GP come in? SS have a duty of care and they don't know whether your 90 husband was being looked after properly if you're 78
or that you're not neglecting yourself. Old people are often found dead because no one bothers looking out for each othet any more. But whoever it was who reported their concern, was doing it out of care and worry . It was your opportunity to ask for help with whatever you need even if it was someone to clean for you

Well I wouldn’t have got into a state. I would have been impressed that there were people who were prepared to help if I needed it. My response would have been to thank them and tell them that we can manage but if the situation changed then it was reassuring to know that we could contact them.

Cossy

Btw, if it was a friend or someone you know well, imo, they should have had the courage of their convictions and spoken to you directly about their concerns and offered to help. That’s what I’d do!

I didn't do it with my elderly early stage dementia aunt. It wasn't to do with courage it was due to me worrying about my uncle who had terminal cancer and I knew she would stop me seeing him if I tried to talk to her about it. His care was not appropriate and when SW managed to see him he was transferred to a nursing home to give my aunt a "break."

I feel no guilt and have no regrets.

Ive always been wary of organizations ;ole social services and steered clear of them. Certainly I would not invite them into my home because their eyes are everywhere. Also I dont know where they would get my phone number as I am very choosy who I give it to. None of my neighbours have it.

Just guessing, no offence meant, but could it have been your GP?

pascal30

I think you should be grateful SingingRabbits if the young policeman, whilst carrying out his normal duties, cared enough about your living circumstances to remember to make a report to Social Services..

Your attitude frankly baffles me..

I agree with this.

Whilst I understand you feel angry and offended, (I would feel like that too) if the young bobby did think you needed help and alerted those who can then that is a good thing. Well done him. All you have to do is decline. One day you may be glad that someone was concerned enough to care.

rafichagran I suggested none of those, but as we age our level of fitness and ablity to cope varies immensely from one person to the other and given the choice with having people enquiring unnecessarily whether I need help and them not doing it at all and older people being found dead at home because no one wanted to enquire whether they needed help. I know which I would prefer.

M0nica

rafichagran I think you would be very glad of it if you were struggling to get out to shop, or couldn't wash because you could not get in and out of thebath or stand at a sink to have a wash down.and there was no one to help you.

I think we should be grateful that the 'nanny' state is there to help those who cannot help themselves.

Not in those circumstances I would not. OP has come back and said her house does not smell and she soes not either.
I have met younger people who smell, one un particular was rank, I also know she was lazy. I did not see her as vunerable nor did I make a report to social services.
If you like the nanny state fine. I will make my own decisions.
I fully understand the OP upset. Posters suggesting her house smells or her clothes smell, quite frankly are tackless and rude.

M0nica

The NHS definition of 'Safeguarding' is:
Safeguarding means protecting a citizen's health, wellbeing and human rights; enabling them to live free from harm, abuse and neglect.

So, yes, there is a safeguarding issue here - the health and well being of OP and her DH. From what she has said about herself and her DH and the fact that, in her words, the house is 'shambolic', I think would cause a casual visitor to the house who did not know them, to be concerned that there might be a safeguarding issue and Social Services were right to check.

As it happens the household is managing nicely, so the OP should be gracefully thanking them for their enquiry but reassure them that all is fine - and be glad that these checks are being made, because many households like hers are struggling and do not know where to get help and and a call from Social Services is what is desperately needed.

As we get older many of us do become more reliant on other people to help us, but it is very difficult for those dealing with older people, as a group to know, unless they have met them, who needs help and who doesn't, so to have a policy of asking people if they need help, rather than wait for them to ask them, strikes me as being proactive, empathetic and considerate.

As I said, I was rung up by the hospital before minor surgery to see if I needed a wheeelchair to get from the entrance to the ward. I didn't, and was monetarily disconcerted by the question, but quickly realised how, if I had needed it I might well have been worrying about how to get from hospital entrance to the ward, not known whether wheelchairs were available, and worrying myself unduly.

Your story about the wheelchair made me smile. I went to A&E as I was in agony after slipping and hurting my ankle. I was sent off to have an xray. As I hobbled back, holding on to the wall as it was so painful a nurse came running with a wheelchair to take me back. They'd just seen the xray which clearly showed I'd broken a bone. They were very apologetic!

I wish they'd offered me a wheelchair.

Maybe they are concerned about the OPs husband. I don't think she's said if he agreed they didn't need help. I reported someone to Social Services, she had the early stages of dementia, her husband was very frail and although she felt she was doing her best for him it was actually very controlling. I couldn't discuss it with her as I knew she would cut me off and I was worried about him.

always the voice of reason Monica

The NHS definition of 'Safeguarding' is:
Safeguarding means protecting a citizen's health, wellbeing and human rights; enabling them to live free from harm, abuse and neglect.

So, yes, there is a safeguarding issue here - the health and well being of OP and her DH. From what she has said about herself and her DH and the fact that, in her words, the house is 'shambolic', I think would cause a casual visitor to the house who did not know them, to be concerned that there might be a safeguarding issue and Social Services were right to check.

As it happens the household is managing nicely, so the OP should be gracefully thanking them for their enquiry but reassure them that all is fine - and be glad that these checks are being made, because many households like hers are struggling and do not know where to get help and and a call from Social Services is what is desperately needed.

As we get older many of us do become more reliant on other people to help us, but it is very difficult for those dealing with older people, as a group to know, unless they have met them, who needs help and who doesn't, so to have a policy of asking people if they need help, rather than wait for them to ask them, strikes me as being proactive, empathetic and considerate.

As I said, I was rung up by the hospital before minor surgery to see if I needed a wheeelchair to get from the entrance to the ward. I didn't, and was monetarily disconcerted by the question, but quickly realised how, if I had needed it I might well have been worrying about how to get from hospital entrance to the ward, not known whether wheelchairs were available, and worrying myself unduly.

There are no vulnerable adults or children in our house, so this was not about Safeguarding. The whole experience has left me feeling humiliated, demoralised and suspicious of my friends and acquaintances as I don't know who has caused this situation.

I think the situation you have had would make me feel uncomfortable too.
And nanny stateish and all that.

Your DH being over 90 would make him a "vulnerable adult" as regards Safeguarding?

Probably well intentioned, why are you getting your knickers in a twist there’s no harm in allowing social work to visit just to make sure you and you’re husband are safe. Take care

To say you are impeded with obesity does raise a lot more questions than answers. You must see that. I can see how you are upset as you feel all is ok. The situation has to be looked at as like Fael said people often wont seek help or know how to,

rafichagran I think you would be very glad of it if you were struggling to get out to shop, or couldn't wash because you could not get in and out of thebath or stand at a sink to have a wash down.and there was no one to help you.

I think we should be grateful that the 'nanny' state is there to help those who cannot help themselves.

JdotJ

You say you don't smell but perhaps your clothes and your home do.

The OP is in her 70's why would you assume her home or clothes smell. I detest the Nanny state. I would be annoyed too.

Sorry, I think I've used the wrong wording here, M0nica - I'm pretty sure the person who presented as a police officer was a police officer for the reasons you reiterate.

What I meant was that we didn't know for certain that it was the police officer who had alerted Social Care - that person could have been someone else altogether. It could have been anyone who thought assistance may be needed such as a neighbour or a friend or an associate through a church or a social group for example.

Sorry my wording was rather ambiguous.

NotSpaghetti

You're right, M0nica but my point was (supposed to be, anyway) that we don't even know if it was the police officer.

Given, the police office told the OP what the problem was and did nothing to threaten or steal from them, I htink it is reasonable to assume that it was a police officer going about his job, and also noting the state of the house and thinking the couple may need help.

You have only to read some other threads on GN to know how many people have very elderly relatives, who insist they are managing when clearly they are not and repell with outrage any suggestions that they get some help.

I fully accept that the OP and her DH are managing well, but, like it or not, someone or a couple who are not managing use the same language and express their outrage in the same way as someone who is managing, so it is difficult to tell them apart.

I understand how the OP feels but I think her outrage is misplaced. No, she doesn't need help, but supposing that they were struggling. To have it picked up and some help arranged that enables them to stay in comfort in their home, could well be a relief.

I am 81, hale and hearty and able to do everything I ever did, but I have seen friends and family younger than me struggling and failing, with dementia and other problems and I accept that it is quite natural, for example, for the hospital to ring me before a recent minor procedure to check whether I would need a wheelchair to get to the clinic or whether I could manage unaided - even though it rather jolted me at the time. As it was Isurned the stairs and walked up the two floors to the clinic.

That's horrible Petra -on all counts!

Many years ago myself and several other neighbours were vilified by the local press.
A neighbours pipe had burst. The water froze, she slipped on the ice and died.
She was disabled with curvature of the spine and very frail.
All of us offered no end of help only to be met with abuse.
I gave up on her when she hit me violently with her walking stick.

You say you don't smell but perhaps your clothes and your home do.