AIBU or do I need to move with the times?

I walked to school on my own as a child but that was 60yr ago and all kids walked then,so safety in numbers.
Traffic was barely negligible so not too much risk of getting dragged into one unlike today.
I bought my out old grandaughter a mobile phone and commited to being on video call with her and from school for nearly 2 yrs.Her route went down a main road with no shops,up through a isolated housing estate and crossing a very busy road.I taught her how to be alert to everything and anyone around also road safety.Sheveas adamant she wanted to do it and was really scared but wanted to be more street wise.No friends from school walked.It was very stressful for us both but when she went to secondary school,if she had to walk home(45mins)she was much more confident to do so.It was well worth it for her.

Most children are far more sensible and street wise than adults give them credit for. We've become a society that molly coddles our children and doesn't give them the freedom the need to grow and develop as people. Is she a sensible child? Can she cross the road safely? If yes, then let her do it.

Put an airbtag in her coat

grandtanteJE65

For Heaven's sake stop mollycoddling this child. If she is nine, she should know the following: road drill, not to talk to strangers, her name, address and parents' and your phone numbers.

Tell her, what we all were told when going out on our own: if she is scared by anyone to go into the nearest shop and ask a woman for help. Or if by any strange chance there should be a policeman or woman in uniform, then that is the person to ask for help.

And if her parents are willing to let her walk home, then bite your tongue. She is their daughter, not yours, after all.

I presume the child will not be walking a mile or so along an unlit country lane in the dusk, will she?

A child of nine should be able to make her own way to and from school- I am all for letting children be children, but this does not mean treating nine or ten year olds like toddlers.

Perfect answer as usual

Hithere

Please don't let your own anxiety stop your gc from growing her independence

She might not have a cellphone but how about an appletag, a watch with GPS and limited call capabilities?

Her parents and her are happy with how this is going - grandparents have no vote in parental decisions

Exactly why are grandparents even getting worked up about this. I can never understand all this involvement of what GCs should or should not be doing, it is quite frankly none of your business only the parents. What they say go. I know your daughter asked OP, does that mean she is not sure herself about this, yet when you responded she bit back. My advice is never to comment. My answers are always 'that has to be your decision' I walked to and from school from the age of 5. Ten minutes walk crossing one main Road with a pedestrian crossing and trams going through every 5 minutes. No problem at all, I also had a key on a piece of string around my neck inside my clothes. I lived in the city. I was never in danger.

I can completely understand your concerns about your Gd walking to and from school on her own, as I have the same misgivings myself. Our Gd spends half of the week with her mum and the other half with DS. On the days she’s with Ds she gets driven to school as we live in a different village to her mum. So no concerns there, but we recently found out she sometimes walks to school her self when at her mums. The road to school is quite remote and passes an industrial estate, none of her friends live in the same part of the village so she is alone, the other option isn’t any better is through a wooded area then via waste ground. We can’t say anything to her mum, as she would stop my son from having her with him. My heart breaks every time she has to go back to her mums. A woman my Dh talks to went going to the post office told him her mum never turned up one night after the youth group she went and she told the lady she’d walk home herself, thankfully the lady intervened and one of the youth club staff agreed to take her home, but we don’t know how often this happened. She’s very reserved about telling us what happens at her mums house.

I've skimmed the replies.
I agree that you / parents should do the route (of course you do!) but looking specifically at places she might get help. My DGCs walked at this age with such things in place - there were only a few yards where there wasn't a 'known' shop or house to call in to. The local shopkeepers keep an eye out for the children.
I agree that 'mollycoddled' children are actually most at risk.
Awhile ago, at a public pool where I was changing, I saw a teenage girl (by which I mean post-pubertal) in a bikini in tears in the corridor. Of course I asked if she was OK. She had come swimming in a pool she didn't know, with her father (of course in the other changing room). Once settled (member of staff sent to find dad) she said she didn't want to ask anyone the way in to the pool, so as not to talk to strangers! Standing in a fairly isolated corridor (it's a sloghtly odd set up) sobbing felt more risky to me than asking someone!
So IMHO helping kids navigate minor upsets is actually healthy.
Hope you can sort something out

For Heaven's sake stop mollycoddling this child. If she is nine, she should know the following: road drill, not to talk to strangers, her name, address and parents' and your phone numbers.

Tell her, what we all were told when going out on our own: if she is scared by anyone to go into the nearest shop and ask a woman for help. Or if by any strange chance there should be a policeman or woman in uniform, then that is the person to ask for help.

And if her parents are willing to let her walk home, then bite your tongue. She is their daughter, not yours, after all.

I presume the child will not be walking a mile or so along an unlit country lane in the dusk, will she?

A child of nine should be able to make her own way to and from school- I am all for letting children be children, but this does not mean treating nine or ten year olds like toddlers.

My GS, just turned 6, slipped the net at home time and walked home alone across a busy road. He was sat on the doorstep waiting for his mum and sister.

For older children at this school, parents have to state that their children have their consent to walk home alone.

To OP, I personally would feel happier meeting her on after school club nights during dark evenings.

Please don't let your own anxiety stop your gc from growing her independence

She might not have a cellphone but how about an appletag, a watch with GPS and limited call capabilities?

Her parents and her are happy with how this is going - grandparents have no vote in parental decisions

When we WALKED home from school. 🙃

When my DD was that age, I waved her off at the door, then followed at a distance to the school gates.
Then at finishing time, I waited at a distance from the school gates, until I saw her, then walked back home, stopping and checking she was OK, every few yards until she got home. She never saw me or knew I was there.

Those decisions are for the parents to make. If my daughter asks me that question in a year’s time then I will decide not to get involved.

Sadly times have changed. There is no such thing as communities anymore. When we want home from school everyone knew who your parents were and kept a safe eye on each other's children without even thinking about it. If you had done something wrong parent's knew about it before you reached home. It is different times now people live side by side for years and never get to know their neighbour. 9 is young, I would not allow my children the freedom today as we had when we were younger. It would depend on the child, who they are walking with and how far they would have walk. It is the parents decision. I would not allow my child to walk home in the dark alone.

At aged 6 I was walking to and from school in London, a 20 min walk with my younger sister, crossing two ( not very busy) roads and a canal bridge, this was the 50s, however no after school clubs so we were home by 4pm, it did teach us independence. I’d be inclined to walk the route a few times, what roads are like, houses she could knock at for help and most of all company to walk home with, it’s natural to think of worst case scenario but we need to teach our children to be streetwise too.

Walking along, not alone!

TBH I think I’d be a mite more concerned nowadays about senior school kids with smartphones - walking alone glued to them, paying attention to nothing else. Especially if they’ve not been allowed by the school to have them at all during the day.

From maybe 20 yards away I once had to positively scream at a girl from a local girls’ senior school - she was probably 13 ish - so glued to her phone that she had started to cross at a zebra crossing (no traffic lights) without looking at all - a dreadful accident was missed by a whisker.

Would her parents agree to her having a phone which justs texts and makes calls for her to use in an emergency? It might put your mind at rest and also make her feel more confident.

Having said that, I used to walk to and from school at age 9, but I guess times were different then.

Floradora9

I am sure many others will be like me and think back to when we went to school . I walked to school by myself from 6 it was a long way . At 7 I would come home to change and go to Brownies still a good way back into town . I did this in the dark and it was the same for all my friends. I am surprised at a school telling parents when their children are allowed to walk to school alone . I know my DCG are different from when I was young but really what is different ?

what is different is the law on who is responsible. Schools are now more responsible for what happens to children on the way to and from school.

you don't say where she is going to when she leaves school? If she is going to her own home to her parents, then I am not sure why she asked your opinion? If she is walking to yours then could you suggest that you walk to meet her at an agreed spot gradually getting nearer to your home and further from the school until she walks all the way?

I am sure many others will be like me and think back to when we went to school . I walked to school by myself from 6 it was a long way . At 7 I would come home to change and go to Brownies still a good way back into town . I did this in the dark and it was the same for all my friends. I am surprised at a school telling parents when their children are allowed to walk to school alone . I know my DCG are different from when I was young but really what is different ?

Kim19 At the ages of 8 and 10 respectively my sister and I got a bus from down the road to the main ferry, caught the ferry and then caught another bus for a long ride to school. On the bus we usually met school friends who had made simmilar journeys.

This was in Hong Kong in the 1950s. During the typhoon season, once the cones for a Force 5 typhoon went up we had to go home. My parents were both Londoners and had been so used to travelling all round London on their own from a very young age, it never occurred to them not to do this with us.

Always remember my best friend telling me she crossed London on a train daily at the age of 8 to go to school.

So much depends on the route but in principle I'd let her do it and set out from home to meet her halfway.

When I was that age I often walked home across the fields or lanes depending on how I felt but I appreciate that todays young people are now in a world with possible danger at every angle.
My own children [now parents themselves] had a shorter walk than I ever had so it was easy for them to come home on their own - but together.
It's sad that children can't be as free these days but I agree that they are in a different setting these days.