Are my grandchildren or…..

Have you spoken to either parents or children about your difficulties over the sleeping arrangements?

Everyone is different post knee replacement. They genuinely may have no idea that your knee surgery makes this difficult. I am one of those who cannot kneel at all following a knee replacement as the pain is unbearable but equally there were people who had their surgeries at the same time as me who were out hiking the mountains and sleeping in tents a few months later.

It does sound, however, as though the parents are doing a very poor job preparing them for adulthood.

Sleeping on the floor - NO NO NO! Your GD s parent should not allow this . Make it clear this is not acceptable, your GD should be ashamed. If things don't change , don't go . Simple!

Most teenagers will live like this if allowed to.

As these two have been waited on hand and foot since they were born, you cannot expect them to be tidy in their teens!

Children have to be taught to tidy up - a hard battle that many parents give up fighting, preferring peace and quiet at home.

Most messy teenagers turn into tidy, responsible adults sooner or later, but some don't.

Nothing you can do about it, and their parents should have done something about it years ago. Now all they can do is wait for the children to leave home.

Meowwow Did you wait hand and foot on your son when you were bringing him up?

I wonder about that because if I was sharing a room with DGD. I would always have made it quite clear that I needed the bed because of my bad knee and she would be sleeping on the floor. I simply wouldn't accept being made to sleep on the floor while she was in the bed and I cannot understand why you did not say something and make your needs clear.

I would have stipulated that I needed a bed or I couldn’t stay with them. It possibly never occurred to them that you would struggle after your knee op, but honestly, even before that you should not have been sleeping on the floor with DGD in a bed.

Untidiness is normal, but normally parents get them to make an effort once a week.
When I had a cleaner I asked her not to do the teenagers’ rooms unless they were tidy. They never were. They didn’t get cleaned by me either. Their Dad read the riot act at half term and they tidied and cleaned them, but he made it clear it was their job, not mine.
My grandson does not get pocket money but he gets taken to league football and is expected to mow the lawn, take the bins out etc to ‘earn’ that treat. My granddaughter, now 19, can be untidy but now that she is living away from home she is much better. She even came home and did some cleaning when her mum was at work.
Apart from the bed issue, there is not a lot you can do, though it is not very nice for you if you have to climb over clothes and shoes to get to bed. I would say they are a trip hazard.

I think “mess” is just the way most teenagers and even older “young” people live!

MissAdventure

A 15 year old wouldn't be given the choice of having their own bed whilst their gran struggled to get down and up from the floor.

Not in our house! Whatever their ages there’s absolutely no way either of our parents would have EVER been asked to sleep on the floor!

Yes, you sleeping on the floor is unacceptable after a knee op.
What did your son think it's a good idea?

Not all teens, they are messy and moody buy nature I think but by that age they should know what's acceptable and what's not.
Your son saying he's given up telling them won't help, you need to keep on the ball at any age.

My kids rooms aren't spotless and they can be forgetful with glasses and clothes when getting ready for school and coming up. On a weekend usually they have half an hour tidy up, washing down and any plates they've forgot during the week.

Your grandchildren are lazy, spoilt, selfish and unpleasant. You say "*Granted, they grew up being waited on hand and foot and have never had to do anything*". That is the fault of the parents. Being untidy is one thing, but letting you struggle to sleep on a mattress is something else. IF your GD was a kind, thoughtful, caring person, she wouldn't need telling to give up her bed. Instead, she didn't mind that you struggled to get up and down from a mattress. Your son should have enforced it.

My son's daughter (13 and lives with him) and stepson (almost 14) do jobs around the house - washing-up, dog-walking, feeding the cat and dog, tidying their own rooms, not for money, but to learn that things need to be done, and that they should share chores.

Where’s their Mum in all of this? Divorce impacts badly on young teens.
If the mess affects you then have them visit you instead?

Me neither MissAdventure. The untidy room is neither here nor there; most teenagers have bedrooms that would be condemned by elf & safety. It's the fact that a teenager can see that her grandma is struggling to get up and down off the floor, doesn't even think to offer her bed and the son says nothing and allows it!!! If this happened to me, just once, it would be the only time it happened and words would be said.

A 15 year old wouldn't be given the choice of having their own bed whilst their gran struggled to get down and up from the floor.

Gummie

Sorry but your grandchildren sound horrible. To let you sleep on the floor while they have a bed is outrageous. Their parents allow it. Lazy parents raising selfish children.

That bit is awful. Teenagers being untidy is hardly news. With my kids the rule was you can have your room anyway you like it as long as the door is closed. Leave the door open so I see the mess and you have to tidy it.

As grown up my untidy teenagers have all morphed into very tidy houseproud adults.

This behaviour seems to be circular generationally. I have observed the following.

If the parents are slobbish then it is not uncommon for at least one of the children to attempt to clean up, to improve their surroundings even though they may be constantly thwarted in their attempts. They are often embarrassed about the state of their home and avoid bringing friends home.

The opposite seems to apply with houseproud parents who perhaps grew up in very dirty or untidy homes, who literally wait on their children hand and foot, never expect any help (or indeed want any because tasks may not be completed to the parents high standards) this often leads to children who literally have no clue how to launder clothes, or tidy up for themselves. The parents probably think they are giving them a perfect childhood.

There is a middle way but it involves give and take.

Constant striving for perfection will put children off lending a hand while a parent who is oblivious to their own child’s discomfort will in many cases find that child developes an obsessive approach and as soon as possible distances themselves from the mess.

My children had to help at home but none of them have ever asked their own children to. My grandchildren all have messy rooms, have never been shown how to cook, take no responsibility towards anyone else. They spend all their time at home in their own rooms staring at their phones.
I can only hope they will change when they grow up and leave home.

I just can't get my head around grandchildren watching as their grandmother struggles to get up and down to sleep on the floor whilst they climb into their bed. But even more shocking is that their parents allow it in the first place. Your first issue is discussing this with your son; although quite why he needs the fact that his elderly mother will struggle to get up and down off the floor is disturbing in itself. He sounds as selfish and uncaring as his children.

My teenage grandaughter is the messiest person I've ever known. I despair of her sometimes. She lived with me for several months and she drove me to distraction with her extreme untidiness. Nothing I said made any difference and in the end I stopped going on about it because she was going through a difficult time and I didn't want it to spoil our relationship. She is otherwise considerate though. Helping in the kitchen and offering to make tea occasionally. I don't want her living with me again though. I couldn't stand it a second time!

There is nothing you can do, this is entirely down to poor parenting. I assume they see their mother as well.
Who cooks the meals, pays for the clothes, provides the Games?
I doubt if they will leave home; they are too lazy to take care of themselves and flatmates won't share for long. Your relationship with your granddaughter isn't that good if she lies in bed and watches you struggle to get up off the floor.
All teenagers are not like this but I suspect you know that .

Parenting starts from the moment a child is born. Seems as though the grandchildren are growing up to be lazy and entitled. I would take a back seat if I were you and ask for a bed when you stay or don`t stay

My own 3 dgc are 15, 16 and 17. Their rooms are not tidy but they are kind and helpful and considerate. Depends very much on parental upbringing. Bringing a child up to be a considerate adult is very hard work and it does seem as though the parents have been very lazy and you are getting the consequences. I would not carry on being a martyr

If your DS gives up then he is being lazy too. Are they living with him all the time or shared with Mum? Whatever the situation - he should make rules for his home and stick to them.
So for example - washing if they leave it in their room that's where it stays until they put it in the wash basket. Then it will get washed. Or new rules - they do their own laundry!!
If they leave their stuff all over the place and DS wants a tidy room - then he gathers up their belongings and dumps them in their room and closes the door on the mess.
Ask DS to buy you a camp bed or Z Bed - then you will be raised up off the floor and in a position to put your feet down on the floor when getting up.
Your DS needs to create rules to try and make the home a pleasant place to live - put cleaning stuff in the bathroom. Everyone does a quick spritz and clean if they have used the bathroom or at the very least cleans it for themselves before using it!!
If make up and personal hygiene items are left out - they go in their bedrooms or the bin. When they begin to understand there are consequences for laziness - especially if they learn it won't be replaced.
Your DS is quite capable of going round the house weekly before the bin men come with a black bag to empty all bins and pick up obvious detritus before collection day. Or for that matter the detritus can be binned too. What a shame if a favourite top is lost?? It sounds like he is just like his kids only there isn't a partner to clean up after him either.
No plates in the kitchen after dinner is prepared- then shout dinner is ready and walk out and let them serve themselves. They will have to wash up a plate if they want to eat.
He is the parent so needs to do parenting and if that means making life a little less comfy for his teenagers - well that's life!!
For what it's worth your GCs are probably much like many other teenagers - and it will only be when a friend comments to them or won't come round because the place smells or is untidy that they will do something out of embarrassment.

I am not sure that there is anything that you can do, change is only likely when both parents take firm action - phones confiscated, no iPads, no pocket money until rooms tidy.

However you should not be sleeping on the floor while GD has the bed. Just be firm and refuse to stay over until a decent bed is guaranteed, pointing out that you are struggling and it is not fair to expect you to get down to floor level. If you haven't actually made this plain, it probably has not occurred to her, that is probably all it needs.

One set of my teenage DGC's rooms are a complete mess, but they have to tidy them one day a week as the cleaner is coming. this generally means kicking everything under the bed, but my own children used to do that. One of them even picked up the clean clothes set out for putting away and put them back in the washing basket, as it was easier - until I cottoned on what was happening!

Perhaps you could arrive with a large black plastic bag and put everything on the floor into it in the room you are sleeping in, saying you were frightened you would trip and break your hip - which is a possibility.

They will improve eventually, living with their peers when then leave home will have some effect.

Sorry but your grandchildren sound horrible. To let you sleep on the floor while they have a bed is outrageous. Their parents allow it. Lazy parents raising selfish children.

Heading should read “are my grandchildren lazy or…..”