Friends without GC

I think it can be kind of hellish for anyone without children either by design or because they couldn't have them, to have to listen to friends drone on about their offspring and their offsprings' offspring. It kind of dawned on me years ago as a new mother there will always be someone within the many gatherings around child social events who think they've given birth to the Messiah. The "professional grandparent" is kind of a bit of an extension of that, except this time they're doing it vicariously, I mean it's a chance happening, that may or may not be part of one's life. It can be well boring to others' ears when anything becomes all consuming and it's not necessarily something you share. When I meet with friends who have children but not grandchildren, I like to think our conversations don't follow the one dimensional trajectory of "lets talk children/grandchildren" we touch on them, we scroll through a few photos maybe, but not necessarily depending on circumstances and then go off on to varied subjects, travel, books, food, films, news, politics, health, etc. etc. and spend far more time talking about those than the role of parent/grandparent.

I don’t show photos of my GC to friends who don’t have GC - unless they ask (which they very rarely do!). I don’t know whether they’re particularly interested in my GC anyway, but I err on the side of sensitivity, just in case. My friends without children never particularly wanted children anyway, as far as I know, so I tend to not talk about my DD or my GC. We find plenty of other stuff to talk about.

I agree with Caleo, it's always best to think about what we share with another person if they don't have the same thing. Obviously if they ask, that's different. We have very wealthy friends who often share things they have or do which we couldn't. It doesn't bother me, and I'm happy for them, but I often feel they should think before doing so in case it does upset someone

And I would never post photos of my GC on social media, it isn't my place to do that. My daughter in particular is very careful about photos, her children are adopted after a fiercely fought adoption and she would never put pictures of them anywhere public.

I don't really speak about my grandchildren to friends unless they ask. I'm not really that interested in other people's families and tend to assume that they are the same.
One good friend has a son with two children but they live abroad and he and the children's mother are estranged. It's very unlikely that she will see her grandchildren again and she has only met them once. She always asks about my family and I try not to say too much for fear of upsetting her.

Friends without grandchildren are often a rather sensitive .
They might not have been able to have children .
Or their children don't want children .
I avoid showing them photos and talking about grandkids unless asked .

If your friend finds it painful, don't send her the pictures.

I have 6 grandchildren but would never mention them unless specifically asked about them. I wouldn’t post pictures of them either - without consent. I adore all of them but unless there is some amusing incident to describe which might resonate with the person I was chatting to, I just don’t talk about them.

I think it is like anything. If someone shows you the odd photo of their little ones, that's fine. It is when they talk about them ad nauseum about how marvellous they are and have no other subject, that it becomes boring. Not everyone wants or even likes children. Grandchildren should not be a defining factor in our older years. Good luck to you if you have them and love them, but others have their academic lives, pets, hobbies that fulfil them personally. Each to their own.

People arent sensitive to other people's situation. I never speak about my three children to childless friends. I hear endless reports from my SIL of her eight grandchildren. I have none! Hence the minimum contact because she is so predictable.

Its quite insensitive to be honest and your friend is being polite and kind to you by showing an interest.

Too be honest, no ones family is of that much interest to a friend - it just seems to be a societal norm that we always ask about them out of politeness or for something to talk about.

I was never able to have children and as mentioned in a previous comment there is no timescale on the grief you feel for the loss of children in your life.
You feel the pain when your peers are having children that you cannot have and again when they have grandchildren which you will never have.
I have step-children and step grand-children and while I love them dearly, I know they don't love me in the same way as they do their Dad/Grand-dad which is also tough.

Davisuz

Oh dear. I'm not permitted to post pictures of my grandchild on social media but I do show them to colleagues at work. This has made me consider that perhaps I need to be more sensitive to those without them.

As someone else above said other people's grandchildren are boring

It is not just with grand children as someone said above, it goes with everything you treasure that others do not have. I have no or little family yet my best friend has a huge family and they are always together, she is always chatting about what they do and are going to do, yet she spends every spare time with me at my house. Very rarely do I get asked to come to hers. She is far better off than I am, her house is twice the size of mine so I wonder why she prefers to be at mine. Still I treasure her friendship and it has taught me to be cautious with other people.

Oh dear. I'm not permitted to post pictures of my grandchild on social media but I do show them to colleagues at work. This has made me consider that perhaps I need to be more sensitive to those without them.

I have always been very careful with spreading my happiness in my children and grandchildren where childless friends were concerned, especially when I know children of their own would have been. Being overjoyed for a particular friend who had found it difficult to conceive when finally having a child. Other friends who are not married I only share news when an inquiry is made.

Simple, do not send photographs.

As someone who remained child free through choice I have no problem admiring photos of and taking an interest in other peoples grandchildren, however, what I have found is when joining groups it appears to be the sole topic of conversation.

I have left clubs because I invariably end up sitting in silence unable to join the conversation. As CanadianGran says, there are other things to talk about.

I can’t remember ever showing photos of my grandchildren to anybody unless they asked first, I think I’ve just assumed they wouldn’t be that interested!

I try to temper my conversations with friends and family with no GC. There is a world of other things to talk about!

My sister has only one son who is gay, and my other sister has grown children very unlikely to have children as well, so while i briefly will keep them up to date, I won't go on and on about my family.

Norah

I assume nobody apart from family have any interest in our GC/ GGC/ GGGC - I don't talk of them to others - just safe boring topics (garden, weather, travel, cooking, etc). Easy.

This - except maybe a passing comment if its relevant!

I never ask people if they have children. I cant imagine how hard it must be to really want a child and not be able to. I spent a lot of time avoiding a neighbour who talks incessantly about her genius son which he is not.. Mine are grown and flown and so have my gc. They have lives of their own and no one else is interested in countless photos and tales of them. I have never posted a picture of any of my family and wouldn't one posted of me.

I don’t think any of my friends would be particularly interested in my gc. Most don’t know them any more that I know theirs. Only one of my two has children, who have grown so fast we are no longer involved in their day to day life so I joined a few clubs to fill the the extra free time I have.

Varian, I love people to say outright how they feel. How else can we be true friends unless we are acceptable warts and all.

I wouldn’t send anything about my GCs (now adult) to any friend that didn’t have children/GCs, unless they asked.

I tend to share other stuff with friends and have a laugh about other things.

My ACs and GCs are just a part of my life - not all of it.🤷‍♀️

I do think it’s a bit insensitive. One of my daughters can’t have children. She’s wonderful with her nephews and nieces , but I know it still hurts, so although we chat about them at times, I’m carful that I don’t overdo it, and would never show her photos etc unless she asked to see them. In fact I never show photos to anyone unless they specifically ask to see them. It’s a bit showy offy to me.