Friends without GC

Imagine if you were the one who longed for the fairytale of having beautiful children one day but the wish didn’t come true. As an empath I can understand your friend’s pain.

I'm highly unlikely to have grandchildren. Now that my children are grown, I tend to be less parent focused in my friendships. I want to focus on interests outside being a mother. My interest in someone's children and grandchildren goes as far as how it affects my friend's life. Outside providing support with situations or hearing in general terms how they are, I'm not very interested.

I'm well aware that almost everyone around me seems to have grandchildren. I know I'm an odd one out, especially when the group discusses their grandchildren. I live a full life, so don't let this cause me hurt, but at most, general information and an occasional photo is all I care for. I will, of course, support if there is an issue my friend is going through.

TerriBull

I'm always amazed when we get year on year an increasingly detailed round Robin letter at Christmas time from an old client and wife, my husband admittedly had known for years,.I'd met them a couple of times socially. He knew their children at one time, long since grown up. having last met them donkeys years ago. This letter is printed up with umpteen photos of the children's children, in fact there might even be great grandchildren by now. It's incredibly detailed with loads of information about the grandchildren how they're doing at school, their hobbies, pictures of their holidays etc. etc. This letter is sent, I assume to people like us, very much on the periphery of their lives. I wonder why they just don't send that to their intimates, their family, and a far more general, brief summary to others. I'm embarrassed for them, how interested can anyone be in the minutiae of other peoples' grandchildren's lives? One of my sons honed in on the letter last year and said "do you know all these people? " me "no" him "why do they send you all this stuff about people you don't know then, seems ridiculous how interested can you be" That exactly!

My cousin and his wife do this too. I haven’t seen them for years and they didn’t respond when I told them my husband had died, yet still the photographs come in a round robin every bl**dy Christmas! So do all the boasts!
I am remarkably proud of my family. I love them all to the moon and back but that’s as far as it goes. They are the only ones I need to tell how I feel about them. I do ask about friends’ families because I am genuinely interested but I know they will give brief answers just to keep me up to date. They are the same with me and it works well.

flappergirl

Not only are photos of other people's grandchildren boring but I resent the fact that, as a woman, I'm supposed to be utterly enraptured. If not I am perceived as somewhat lacking (or even highly suspect) as a member of my sex. Do these grandmothers show endless photos of their GC or render blow by blow accounts to men?

Totally agree with you.

It’s a point that one has to be sensitive to other people’s situations. My daughters & families all live outside of the U.K. Although we get together as much as possible. I do find it difficult when I hear of the weekly involvement of friends with their families. We inhabit a different world when it comes to birthdays & family times . It’s tough …

Some people can be so smug & insensitive sometimes !
Not everyone got the beautiful grandchildren , let alone a baby in the 1 st place.
I have a special needs child so when people start moaning about o levels / uni / that job / & &. 🤷‍♀️when mine cannot read or write @28 but very sorry that’s a different rant !

I find it very hard when friends talk about their Grandchildren or show me photos of them, however, I do enjoy hearing about them.

This is me too, I have never ever posted any photos of my nine grandchildren online I feel it’s an infringement of their privacy, or sent them to anyone, photos are for family alone.
Maybe because I’ve worked with troubled children this has made me hyper vigilant but better safe than sorry.

Not only are photos of other people's grandchildren boring but I resent the fact that, as a woman, I'm supposed to be utterly enraptured. If not I am perceived as somewhat lacking (or even highly suspect) as a member of my sex. Do these grandmothers show endless photos of their GC or render blow by blow accounts to men?

I do like to send the Christmas "round robin" and like to receive them. My DH's cousin's is always full of marvellous stories about her family, holidays, new cars and church stuff, which bores me to bits but I know she has a heart of gold.

I probably bore people too, but hopefully don't overdo it.

I don't show pics of my GCs unless they are very close friends and also have GCs, and even then I only show one or two. I do, however, have a less close friend who insists upon scrolling through her phone and showing me videos and pics of her GCs ad nauseum. Is so tedious. Would never do that to anyone, I just wonder why people who do this can't spot the eyes of the person supposedly looking at the pics start to glaze over.

You are not being unreasonable. I hope I'd be a good enough friend to be able to share in another's joy without being resentful whatever the reason.

TBH I wouldn't say the letter was even boastful, although we regularly used to receive one from another person. This letter just full of not very interesting, everday stuff that would only be of interest to the nucleus of their family, or very close friends, not to people you haven't seen for years.

I thought these Christmas boasting Robin letters had died out some time ago as they were so derided and the frequent butt of jokes. We certainly haven’t received any for years.

We have some friends who do have GC but they are in NZ and they also lost their son in terrible circumstances a couple of years ago. We try to keep talking about our AC and GC to a minimum

I'm always amazed when we get year on year an increasingly detailed round Robin letter at Christmas time from an old client and wife, my husband admittedly had known for years,.I'd met them a couple of times socially. He knew their children at one time, long since grown up. having last met them donkeys years ago. This letter is printed up with umpteen photos of the children's children, in fact there might even be great grandchildren by now. It's incredibly detailed with loads of information about the grandchildren how they're doing at school, their hobbies, pictures of their holidays etc. etc. This letter is sent, I assume to people like us, very much on the periphery of their lives. I wonder why they just don't send that to their intimates, their family, and a far more general, brief summary to others. I'm embarrassed for them, how interested can anyone be in the minutiae of other peoples' grandchildren's lives? One of my sons honed in on the letter last year and said "do you know all these people? " me "no" him "why do they send you all this stuff about people you don't know then, seems ridiculous how interested can you be" That exactly!

I wish people would show me the same consideration about their dogs as I do about our grandchildren 🙂

As one of 3 siblings, I have 5 children and 9 grandchildren - who are, obviously, the cleverest, most attractive and well behaved children ever known!

One of my brothers has only 1 daughter (by choice) and 2 grandchildren.

My other brother, sadly, was unable to have any children.

I am of the opinion, as I said above, that my children and grandchildren as not as interesting to other people as to myself and DH. I especially don't expect my childless brother to be too interested but today, on our siblings chat, our other brother posted 13 photos of his grandchildren enjoying a holiday.

I cringe when that happens.

Why would anyone else want photos of my GC I wouldnt dream of inflicting pics on anyone. My neighbour opposite drives everyone insane with her mobile phone photos of her GC plus neverending boasting what they are doing etc. My advice is please hold back.

Please don't refrain from talking about things that you are passionate about, yes, of course it must not be the only subject, but it is your world. As long as you are willing to offer the same courtesy back and hear stories that may make you envious too, which is often the thing that is missing. (holidays in places you may never visit, days out while you are babysitting).

I have lost my only child, and will never have grandchildren, nor do I have a partner to share my life with, but my friends with grandchildren listen to me talk about being able to redecorate, or go to the theatre and other passions with equal interest.

For me it is treating each friendship as precious and knowing what to share and not share with each person, there is no one size fits all!

( I have a pin board full of pictures drawn for me by "not my children or grandchildren" but children who are important to the people who matter to me!)

Not really. My close friends/social circle is (approx) twelve and nine of the group do not have children - even though all 12 have been married, although some are widowed, divorced or still hitched.

Personally I do not have biological children of my own. My long term marriage came with three step children and ended with seven step grandchildren. Whew! (I was told by my fiancé at the time that he had already had a vasectomy, so I knew I would not be having children of my own. 👍🏼)

People gravitate towards each other with similar life styles - that’s why I have so many childless friends. None of us are feeling deprived of life’s bounty. Each one of us has created rich personal lives that are rewarding, involved and meaningful.

And it is sad that some parents (single ones too) have children where the relationships are broken for whatever reasons, therefore don’t have any relationship at all with their offspring. I can’t imagine anything more heartbreaking than that.

I think it is inconsiderate to send photos of children and grandchildren to friends who wanted children, but were not able to have them. It is not a pain that goes away in the course of time, although it may lessen. Nor does the sorrow and pain of having lost a baby ever entirely leave the parents.

Obviously, we cannot always know if friends who are childless are so because they did not want children, were unable to have any, or even adopt. But when we do know, it is better not to talk too much of children and grandchildren in front of them.

None of us would rave about the wonderful holiday or wedding anniversary we had just had with our spouse to a widow or widower, would we? Even if the person had been widowed years ago.

Other people’s photos of family or holidays are usually only of interest to themselves and are generally meaningless and boring to others.

I don't have grandchildren yet - l may never have them. It's one of those things. Many of my friends are grandparents, but will only show photos when asked. This is the best way, l think. I am very happy for my friends, of course, but also pleased that they have plenty of other topics of conversation. I am very much with Winston Churchill, who, after being told by an acquaintance that he hadn't told Winston about his grandchildren, reportedly replied that he was very grateful for it.

I think you should be able to talk about your grandchildren, they are something that is important to you. However there is far more to you than your grandchildren too and maybe it is better to focus on shared interests with individual friends