Family not coming for xmas

TopGunner
On Mumsnet all the OP's posts are highlighted in a different colour so you can see if the OP has posted any updates.

Why can't we have that facility.
And an edit button.

V3ra

^Obviously we have to share. The point is I feel as though we haven't been considered.^

TopGunner from this post I think Nana56 is not on her own.

I apologise, I didn't see the other post from Nana56 post lower down the forum. Perhaps when people post on here they could give all the facts at the beginning as it starts to be lost in translation lower down the other posts when they keep adding bits on.

Okay, Nana56 is not on her own so I agree with many of the other posters on here, that Nana56 should be grateful that she has someone to spend Christmas with and be happy that she has a kind daughter and son in law who is going to spend Christmas with a lonely old lady rather than leave her alone.

TopGunner

Smileless2012

The OP says they are spending Boxing day with her m.i.l. TopGunner, not her s's.i.l.'s parents so presumably she lives alone.

I was asking if Nana56 lived alone not asking if her daughter's mother in law lived alone.

I do think you have misread my post.

Nana56 referred to we, TopGunner:
The point is I feel as though we haven't been considered
so we can presume she does not live alone.
MIL does live alone and needs carers.

Norah what a really lovely idea!

Obviously we have to share. The point is I feel as though we haven't been considered.

TopGunner from this post I think Nana56 is not on her own.

Yes I know TopGunner. You posted that if you lived alone and your D and family were spending Boxing day with her husband's parents, you would be as mad as a hatter. I was pointing out that as the OP referred only to her D's m.i.l., it appears that she lives alone.

Smileless2012

The OP says they are spending Boxing day with her m.i.l. TopGunner, not her s's.i.l.'s parents so presumably she lives alone.

I was asking if Nana56 lived alone not asking if her daughter's mother in law lived alone.

I do think you have misread my post.

Luminance

There is nothing especially special about days with a name. We are what make them special, we bring the magic to days like Christmas. So have your decorations up and cook a wonderful meal for your family on a different day and make it magical!

Absolutely agree with this.

Not knowing any of Nana56 's family circumstances make it difficult to make any suggestions really. It's quite important for the future though to suck up the disappointment, get on with planning your own special day and a special day when you see the GC. Let your DD know you love them all and hope they have a happy time. Just as you can have a happy day when you see your DD, S-i-L and GC.

Like others I'd invite them for Christmas Eve supper.
We see many of our family on Christmas Eve - as many as can make it.

Thinking of you.

Then next year do it the other way round if the pour incapable gran is still around

I didn't like to ask if this might be the other Granny's last Christmas.

‘Poor’ not ‘pour’ silly auto correct

I m afraid it’s coming across as a bit mean to the other gran invite them for New Year and give them their presents then at 2 and 4 they won’t have a clue what day is what and they ll be thrilled to get new presents a few days later Then next year do it the other way round if the pour incapable gran is still around

I'd guess it's fairly common to switch holidays with in-laws.

We've our 4 daughters and their family round on an Advent Sunday for Christmas meal. Each family alone as we are too many for a decent meal in one space. Works quite well, they select their Sunday and desired meal.

Every family is different, your family is doing what makes them happy.

Perhaps attempt finding joy your family have others to love them!

However, she told me by text that they're not coming on Boxing Day.
They s going to MIL.

You do realise that you are MIL too?
You are MIL to your SIL.
the grandchildren have two Grandmothers, whose mother that is will be irrelevant to them, especially at their age.

Can you arrange another date when they can come to you?

We took turn about going to my parents one year then his the next. 400miles or 200miles and all I really wanted was to be at home with my children over Christmas.

We did stay at home, but invited my parents or my in-laws to ours in turn.

One year when I looked back at the event I realised I hadn't seen any of my three children open a single present.
I'd been stuck in the kitchen, making everyone cups of tea and getting food ready.

The following year I flatly refused to invite anyone, I insisted it be just myself, my husband and our children at home by ourselves.
It didn't go down well... 🙄

She is supposed to be incapable of doing anything and has carers. Miraculously
she gas somehow booked dinner for all of them on boxing day.

Ouch!
Maybe one of her carers has kindly phoned the restaurant and booked the table for them all on her behalf? How lovely 😊

It's just one day, suck it up.

If something as small as this makes you feel upset, you must live a charmed life. These sort of problems, and much worse occur in most families. What most families do is swallow hard and find a fix. As others have suggested a Christmas Eve visit, or even make a big day of New Years day.

Anyway children the age of your DGC are inundated with toys. On Christmas day your presnets to your DGC will just be caught up in a jumble of other toys, make a big day of the New Year with the children getting your toys, after the novelty of all the new toys has worn off and they will really enjoy having more toys and with nothing to distract them will appreciate them more.

When my children were young we never spent Christmas day with my parents. They had my sisters with them and sometimes an aunt and DH, so there was nowhere for us to sleep. DH;s parents always stayed with us. He was an only child and they did not drive. But every year we all got together on Boxing day, at one house or the other and my parents had all the pleasure of seeing the children unwrap the presents they had chosen.

We only see our grandchildren on Christmas day every other year. Otherwise we do not see them until the 27th or 28th.

Why are you so unkind and carping about your sil's parents disabilities. If someone has carers, they will need them, the Council will nto pay unless the hneed for caraers is high and those paying for themselves, unless millionaires, need to consider the cost, which is not cheap.

And as for booking somewhere to eat. It can be done on a phone. Phones can be operated quite successfully while chair, or even bed bound.

Looks like you have sound advice Nana. Please just deal with it and don't put your DD and SIL in a difficult position. It's not about Christmas Day or Boxing Day it is about love and understanding.

We took turn about going to my parents one year then his the next. 400miles or 200miles and all I really wanted was to be at home with my children over Christmas. I vowed never to inflict this on my own grandchildren. This year it is just the two of us due to dh chemo treatment. We may even have christmas dinner a few days early so he feels as well as possible. Pointless getting upset over a day quite frankly!

I do understand how you feel. We have told our ' children ' that if we don't see them over the two main Christmas days we are not offended. Fortunately we see them all quite often at other times. Of course we would love to see them ! However there are 12 days of Christmas and in your situation we would arrange a Christmas get together either Christmas Eve Day or after Boxing Day. Please don't be upset, get your child / children and GC all together on another day and have a wonderful time together.

Looks like this is OP’s only child. So I suppose it’s understable. However, having a little ‘dig’ at the m.i.l. Was totally unnecessary

Why don’t you kick off the Christmas celebrations by inviting them to yours on Christmas Eve for a meal and gifts?
Then next year swap around?

There is nothing especially special about days with a name. We are what make them special, we bring the magic to days like Christmas. So have your decorations up and cook a wonderful meal for your family on a different day and make it magical!

Nana56

I know I'm being silly but I'm really upset.
My daughter and SIL havec2 children aged 2 and 4 yrs.
I totally understand and agree that young children want to be at home on Xmas day.
However, she told me by text that they're not coming on Boxing Day.
They s going to MIL. I do understand but this lady ignores the children when she sees them
She is supposed to be incapable of doing anything and has carers. Miraculously
she gas somehow booked dinner for allnof them on boxing day.
I want to give DD all gifts for xmas day,but DD thinks anytime over the festivities.
I feel that it's too late, xmas is over. I am so sad . This lady appears to be incapable but I think she's manipulative.
Sorry for the rant

You moan because the family is going to his mother’s and not to yours. Why? They can’t be in two places at once, so what do you expect them to do? When our children were small, our Christmasses were a nightmare because my in-laws were like you and sulked if we didn’t spend Christmas Day with them. Equally, my parents gave us the cold shoulder if we didn’t go to them. The result was that virtually every Christmas was a nightmare because we knew we couldn’t please everyone and felt guilty and angry through them all. So our parents who thought like you spoilt every one of our Christmasses and even now, about 50 years later, I still hate them for it.
When my daughters got married, I told them that they were to have the Christmasses they wanted and if they wanted us with them at all, we would fall in with whatever they wanted to do and go wherever they wanted us to. The result was that, because they wanted to, they moved heaven and earth to see us even if it was into the New Year, and somewhere along the line, after that, we all had great Christmasses.
As long as kids get their presents and a good helping of the grandparents they love, they don’t care where or when.
You fare better with a carrot than a stick!