Family not coming for xmas

Tricky one this when families get into this dynamic. I assume you have lots of lovely times with them at other times?

I would be tempted to wish them well and agree a meet up soon.

Little ones can be overwhelmed perhaps and will love to see you another day?

Couldn't they come to you for Christmas eve supper and exchange of gifts?

When my children were small we went nowhere on Christmas Day. We visited my parents on Christmas Eve and his parents on Boxing Day- but Christmas Day was for us.

Also I don't believe Christmas is over on Boxing Day- for me it lasts until the 6th January.

I have never spent Christmas with my grandaughter- last year we had Christmas on the 6th January and this year it will be on the 28th December, which is when we will see her.

In the end Christmas is not about sticking to particular rituals without ever changing them, it is the season for giving and sharing.

Could your daughter bring the family for a meal in the days leading up to Christmas? Then you could give them their presents to put under their tree for Christmas Day?

Whilst I understand that you are disappointed not to see the family on Boxing Day I fail to see what could possibly be wrong regarding your son in law wishing to have a meal with his mother at Christmas. I'm sure your grandchildren will be excited to visit you later with the prospect of more Christmas presents. Make the best of it, don't cause upset in the family. We have all had to share our Christmases with the other set of parents /grandparents. It's only right and fair.

Nana56, as much as I feel bad for you, most families have to divide their time between the different grandparents. I'm not sure how distant they are, but try to arrange something either leading up to Christmas or just afterwards.

If your GC have a Christmas concert they are included in, can you invite yourself along and bring the presents then?

Obviously we have to share. The point is I feel as though we haven't been considered.
This lady is supposed to be incapable of arranging anything. I think a conversation woukd have been nice. I know my Dd will miss us.

For once I'm being selfish, I know that

Nana56

Obviously we have to share. The point is I feel as though we haven't been considered.
This lady is supposed to be incapable of arranging anything. I think a conversation woukd have been nice. I know my Dd will miss us.

Perhaps your Son-i-l would like to see his mother? And take the children to see her?

Maybe 'this lady' has put herself out to organise a dinner for everyone. Maybe her son has been telling her to make an effort and she has.

Not much Christmas spirit evident here.

How do you know that your SILs mother ignores the GCs?
She has booked Christmas dinner for them all, presumably at a restaurant. How kind, no shopping or clearing up to be done.
Have you seen them every Christmas? Maybe it’s her turn.

My DD tells me

Nana56

For once I'm being selfish, I know that

Yep

I understand your disappointment Nana but you need to accept your s.i.l.'s mother is just as much a part of your GC's lives as you are.

Aged 2 and 4, the children will be excited to receive their gifts regardless of the day so look forward to that day because it will come, and enjoy it. Not all GP's are as fortunate.

Have your Christmas celebration with your daughter and family on another day over the period. It really doesn’t have to be on the exact day you can still enjoy the time and pretty sure the grandkids won’t care which day it is.

You don't state whether you have a husband or partner as that to me would make a difference and it would not bother me at all if I wasn't seeing my family on Christmas day.

But, if I was all alone and knew that my Daughter, Son in law and grandchildren were going to his parents for Christmas day and leaving me all alone, then I would be as mad as an hatter. But then, our children would never do that because I am a widow and our daughters would never, ever leave me on my own whilst they visited the inlaws, I would always get an invite.

It all depends, like I say, whether you have someone with you on Christmas day or not.

You talk about your daughter so I assume you are alone as I always task about our daugher, our grandchildren

Be big about this, you feel upset, is understandable and comes from a place of love but take a back seat this time and wish them all well, why not suggest that the GCs come to you in the run up to Xmas/xmas eve if poss. We have grown family with GCs we won't see xmas day due to in-laws having turns about, only one out of three GCs will make it. But take it from someone estranged from our eldest and two other GCs, any time you spend with them will be precious.

The OP says they are spending Boxing day with her m.i.l. TopGunner, not her s's.i.l.'s parents so presumably she lives alone.

The children won’t mind when they get their presents.A couple of years ago my husband and I were both very unwell over Christmas and for about a month afterwards.My then four year old grandson received his gifts at the beginning of February and was very excited.We were back the week after with his birthday presents!

I totally get where you are coming from Nana56. I would feel the same but I would console myself with the following: If the grandmother ignores the children then at 2 and 4 they won't be fully aware of the nuances! Be patient and carry on being the lovely uncomplaining Nanny, take your turn this year and wait for the children to find the other granny rather boring when no doubt they will beat a path to your door! Better to occupy the higher ground this Xmas.

Nana56

I know I'm being silly but I'm really upset.
My daughter and SIL havec2 children aged 2 and 4 yrs.
I totally understand and agree that young children want to be at home on Xmas day.
However, she told me by text that they're not coming on Boxing Day.
They s going to MIL. I do understand but this lady ignores the children when she sees them
She is supposed to be incapable of doing anything and has carers. Miraculously
she gas somehow booked dinner for allnof them on boxing day.
I want to give DD all gifts for xmas day,but DD thinks anytime over the festivities.
I feel that it's too late, xmas is over. I am so sad . This lady appears to be incapable but I think she's manipulative.
Sorry for the rant

You moan because the family is going to his mother’s and not to yours. Why? They can’t be in two places at once, so what do you expect them to do? When our children were small, our Christmasses were a nightmare because my in-laws were like you and sulked if we didn’t spend Christmas Day with them. Equally, my parents gave us the cold shoulder if we didn’t go to them. The result was that virtually every Christmas was a nightmare because we knew we couldn’t please everyone and felt guilty and angry through them all. So our parents who thought like you spoilt every one of our Christmasses and even now, about 50 years later, I still hate them for it.
When my daughters got married, I told them that they were to have the Christmasses they wanted and if they wanted us with them at all, we would fall in with whatever they wanted to do and go wherever they wanted us to. The result was that, because they wanted to, they moved heaven and earth to see us even if it was into the New Year, and somewhere along the line, after that, we all had great Christmasses.
As long as kids get their presents and a good helping of the grandparents they love, they don’t care where or when.
You fare better with a carrot than a stick!

There is nothing especially special about days with a name. We are what make them special, we bring the magic to days like Christmas. So have your decorations up and cook a wonderful meal for your family on a different day and make it magical!

Why don’t you kick off the Christmas celebrations by inviting them to yours on Christmas Eve for a meal and gifts?
Then next year swap around?

Looks like this is OP’s only child. So I suppose it’s understable. However, having a little ‘dig’ at the m.i.l. Was totally unnecessary

I do understand how you feel. We have told our ' children ' that if we don't see them over the two main Christmas days we are not offended. Fortunately we see them all quite often at other times. Of course we would love to see them ! However there are 12 days of Christmas and in your situation we would arrange a Christmas get together either Christmas Eve Day or after Boxing Day. Please don't be upset, get your child / children and GC all together on another day and have a wonderful time together.