Left alone

Caleo

Pascal, people can't help it when they are ignorant. Sometimes it's presumed people are savvy when they actually aren't.

I didn't say anything about people being ignorant..

Leavening you alone and you feed the cats? Words fail me. Do not even think about accepting this selfishness. No, no. And, in case you did not understand me - No.

I think it is unkind of this family not to consider spending at least part of Christmas day with their parents, never mind the caring in case of......, It is the social aspect.
How has this thankless generation arrived at this?

chicken

Thank you all for your thoughtful replies to my post.
I have now told my DD that I feel vulnerable because of potential falls and so will not be taking on the responsibility of the cats. I shall take the advice of carrying a mobile phone which I can keep in a bum-bag. OH would never consider a hotel stay, and I don't enjoy "enforced jollity" as in communal Christmas events, but I have found a lady who delivers Christmas dinners which will give me a nice day free of cooking.
I like the sound of Care Calls and will investigate that.
I must stress that, in spite of my age, I am completely independent and need no care from family or others, but do appreciate having family around just in case. In emergency, I would call 111 for medical events or trusted workmen that I know for practical issues.

I think this is entirely wonderful and the Christmas dinner delivery will make the day so much more relaxing for you with your feet up! The older style mobile phones have a much longer battery life and a much more user friendly interface.

Luminance

You are in a very fortunate situation with family so close by and checking on you for most of the year. They cannot be expected to endure being home all year round incase they are needed by you. If you are concerned then you must take a route to ensure you are checked on daily. If you do not wish to feed the cat it is easily done to ask them to make other arrangements. Any of us could fall at any time and we really must have things in place to get help if needed. A mobile phone on your person is a good idea.

Well you certainly didn’t read the post. The OP gave her grown family the house and lives in an annexe with her OH. They sound like lovely caring parents for doing this, and both are in their 80s with poor health/history of falls. They are not expecting anything from their family except the minimum care, i.e. being cared for over the Xmas period, and if the family can’t do this they need to arrange for someone to feed the pets and check in on the parents.
This is for me a no brainer.
Am sorry you can’t see this.

Thank you all for your thoughtful replies to my post.
I have now told my DD that I feel vulnerable because of potential falls and so will not be taking on the responsibility of the cats. I shall take the advice of carrying a mobile phone which I can keep in a bum-bag. OH would never consider a hotel stay, and I don't enjoy "enforced jollity" as in communal Christmas events, but I have found a lady who delivers Christmas dinners which will give me a nice day free of cooking.
I like the sound of Care Calls and will investigate that.
I must stress that, in spite of my age, I am completely independent and need no care from family or others, but do appreciate having family around just in case. In emergency, I would call 111 for medical events or trusted workmen that I know for practical issues.

This sounds a tad harsh, you are both vulnerable yet they are leaving you alone knowing this is winter and anything could happen, also they are expecting you to care for their pets?
As Smileless2012 said the least they can do is arrange for a neighbour or friend to pop in for the cats, and perhaps ask if they wouldn’t mind popping in to see if you are both ok, if there is anything you need etc.
In any case they should make sure you have all the groceries and medicines you need before going.
I lost one parent in his mid fifties, the other in her early seventies. I would really love to have them around at Xmas.

Our needs change quite quickly with babies & older people. Just because you've fed the cats before I dont think you should put extra stress on yourself this year.

Let your daughter find a cat sitter ..I get one, visits twice a day, for my cat on holidays & if she can't find one then cattery it will have to be

No I don't think you're expecting too much, I have a ring doorbell camera that I use for my mum, nothing intrusive, its in the hall, but means I can see she's moving about! I would tell your family you're starting to feel a bit frail & vulnerable.

Would it give you piece of mind to have a carer /neighbour/friend visit once a day for a cuppa whilst they're away? At least then if anything happened you know someone will be popping over?

I’m concerned that it might be icy & you may fall,explain the situation to them,if your independent they may not realize &
just think Mum is fine she can do it.

Pascal, people can't help it when they are ignorant. Sometimes it's presumed people are savvy when they actually aren't.

Cossy

I don’t think you are being in any way unreasonable, I think your immediate family are being incredibly thoughtless
Particularly when you’ve “given” half your home to them.

Write a list of your concerns, then sit with them and a cuppa tea and explain how you feel and your worries.

Good luck and best wishes.

They've actually given the whole of the large house to them.. GD and husband live in one half, DD and husband live in the other half.. and they live in a converted outhouse.. It defies belief that they can all leave them alone and head off for a long holiday

If it were me I would take matters into my own hands and arrange help, and would definitely make efforts to ensure I didnt fall out with my family over this. My Mum lived alone in an isolated house, a long distance from family, and arranged for a company called CareCalls to ring her three times a day all year round on the land line. She liked the routine of the calls and she knew if they didnt get a reply after ringing twice they would contact a pre-arranged list of family and friends. She didnt tell us until after it was all set up, but it turned out to be peace of mind for us too. I think they also do in person visits. When we go away we have a local company to feed the cats and its not expensive but they do get booked up over public holidays.

I feel this is very, very selfish of them all.
Personally I'd be doing all I could to include you and look after you, especially at Christmas!
I've repeatedly asked my elderly parents (both living in different counties) to move nearer me and live with us / share accommodation for the very reason of pulling together and looking after eachother.
My dad has an awful lot of money, both in houses and in the bank and although is 80....has refused to set up home with me and the children and doesn't want to move near to us.
I rent and work as a nurse and the kids are lovely humans...we are quiet and thoughtful, none of us smoke and we don't have huge crowds of friends...my hobbies are cooking, gardening and garden centres ....ideal for nurturing a family yet he hasn't wanted to engage with me.
Despite this,EVERY year I host one or the other, often causing issues with my then partner and always at the expense of a simple couple of days which actually would be of great benefit to me.
I am in the process of encouraging my mum and step dad, one with mobility issues and one with dementia...to share a house with me (they would put in several 100k and I'd have a mortgage for my part ) so that I can look after them as the age.
I will willingly do this even though id wanted to.go and work in Australia..which I won't ever be able to do now.
I am horrified that your family are so selfish. I'm so sorry to say this but it's how I feel.
They could have, at the very least, discussed this with you and looked at options around the cats etc let alone what you guys will do on Christmas day etc.
Perhaps they haven't given you any thought. Please talk to them x

I don’t think you are being in any way unreasonable, I think your immediate family are being incredibly thoughtless
Particularly when you’ve “given” half your home to them.

Write a list of your concerns, then sit with them and a cuppa tea and explain how you feel and your worries.

Good luck and best wishes.

I understand you feel hurt.
It's unlikely the offspring mean to be uncaring and most likely they haven't a clue about needs of aged parents.

You or someone else should speak to them about these needs that you have. Can you do so? I would think part of an unwritten contract between you and your offspring is that they will give attentions to you in exchange for the house.

You are being reasonable.

It is not too late to advertise in local press for a live in or part time carer for you and the cats. The work sounds easy, and maybe you could pay well enough to tempt a good quality carer whom you like to come in for the required period.

It is usual to pay double time for Xmas day even when the work is easy.

I suspect that as you seen to be coping they have not given the situation much thought, if any. You are mum, you cope.
Sit them down and say you are feeling anxious about this and are wondering what to do, maybe show them your post. Have not looked back at it, might not be a good idea.

For my cat, I have a double feeding bowl in which each side opens on a timed basis. It's battery operated and very easy. You'd only need to go in once a day if you use one of those. (Or two of them if two cats).

I can see it's reasonable for the family to want to get away for a holiday all together but they should organise carers to come in once or twice a day.

I am prone to falling, so I bought a wallet style phone cover which has a hole in which I attach a lanyard with a clip and wear it around my neck in case I fall so then can ring someone for assistance

They sound very selfish I take it they all moved into what was your original home and probably don't even have a mortgage thanks to you and your husband.

Carers and their families need to look after themselves and keep healthy, and the cared for need support when the regular carers are away. It is not unreasonable for the family carers to have a break from their caring duties but this should also have been discussed and alternative care or support organised so that everyone is happy with the plans put in place.

I presume there is not another adult child or relative who can be on call ro assist if needed.
The cat care needs to be arranged so the OP is not worried she will be put at risk.Will DD or other responsible person be phoning or checking on the OP each day? Who will the OP contact if she needs help- all this needs to be thought about in advance.

crazyH

My elderly neighbour has some sort of an alarm round her neck , which is connected to the emergency services. I don’t know whether it’s free or whether there’s a charge. You could contact AgeUK for further details.

Chicken has already said that alarm pendants don’t work, so I’d think the mobile phone is a good idea, or my Alexa is set up to contact my nearest son should I fall.
Please don’t stress about the cats, simply say you won’t be able to attend to them, and let them make other arrangements.

Certainly call to the cats, they will come to you if they are hungry.

Get a mobile phone each, ours have a light that flashes when a call comes through as we don’t always hear it, but you must keep it close to hand or on your person at all times.

Bearing in mind the awful weather we are having I think you need to organise someone to call in to you at least twice a day to check up on you, maybe someone locally could be paid to do this for you, also to make sure you have the necessities and don’t run out of basic food items. If there are power cuts you will need extra help.

Better still book yourselves into a hotel and let your family sort the cats out.

Your AC might want to pay for a carer for 30 minutes a day, both to check up on you and make a cuppa, again part of checking up on you both plus maybe feed the cats.

It sounds OP like this is their responsibility to do. You endangering yourself when venturing outside on possible ice is not on when there’s two of you to care for.

No I don't think you are expecting too much. Your family should have some regard for your safety. Maybe this is a wild idea, but what do you think of booking in somewhere for Christmas yourselves, a hotel, guest house or care home where you can be looked after and have a relaxed Christmas?