Left alone

Please tell them straight. No good sucking it up and worrying.

Or pay for care?

Ask them to pay a person to come in check the house, feed the cats. Cold weather: homes need checking & cats needs - wise.

Unkind of them,or possibly simply thoughtlessness. Do tell them you are concerned at being left completely alone, and will be unable to venture out to feed their cats.

What Norah said.
Surely the family must know they are not only leaving you to ca for yourselves but expecting you to care for their cats too is beyond belief!

There are reliable companies who provide animal sitters who have been DBS checked. Then you wouldn't need to go out to feed the cats and there would be a human near if you have a problem. Google “animal/house sitters”. Good luck!

They want you to care for their pets but haven't thought about care you may need?

This seems wrong in so many ways.

I think paying someone to provide some sort of supervision for yourselves as well as their cats sounds like an option.

Will they be able to check on you over the phone whilst they are away?

Are they supportive of your needs whilst at home? If so they may be entitled to some respite care but this also means having something in place to replace them.

If all else fails contact Age UK or even your local social services otherwise you may all finish up worse off.

To be practical, do you have a mobile phone? If so, make sure you have it with you whenever you go outside. Do cats need 2 visits? We fed a neighbour's cat when they were away but only went once each day. Do you have a friend who could phone you each day to make sure all is well, and come to find you if they got no reply.

Discuss it with the "youngsters" and look into whether there is an organisation nearby whom you can get to phone you every day or whom you can phone if you need help.

Whoever supplies the alarm pendants should be aware that these do not work where you are. If they are not them tell them this, and ask for a phone number you can have on your mobile, so you can ring in an emergency.

You say your husband is deaf - is he so deaf that he cannot use a phone to contact help if it is needed. Surely, he can text message, if he cannot hear?

If you have to look after the cats, have them brought to your part of the property, rather than go in to them.

The cats could go to a cattery, that would get rid of one problem.

If it were just Christmas Day they were away, but if it’s for a few days, yes, it sounds unreasonable to me.

And rather selfish on their part.

Calendargirl

The cats could go to a cattery, that would get rid of one problem.

If it were just Christmas Day they were away, but if it’s for a few days, yes, it sounds unreasonable to me.

And rather selfish on their part.

I agree.
I wouldn’t leave you alone at Christmas if you were my parents, I would want a lovely family time all together and a special meal on the day.
You are not being unreasonable to feel miffed.💐
On a practical level, as you will be alone have easy meals in the freezer and carry your mobile in a pocket wherever you are in the house and garden.

I doubt they are with you 24hrs a day every day so the risk of falling when alone could happen at any time.

If you do need someone to be with you at all times then maybe employ a carer when needed or you could contact a care agency and have them on call if you need them in an emergency.

I sometimes think our AC and DGCs don’t see us as getting older - but, it would seem very obvious from your description that you are both frail/elderly.
I think you need a frank discussion, not only about care for the cats, but care for yourselves. They don’t seem to be short of a bob or two, so I’d be asking them to pay for ‘someone’ to keep an eye on you. However, it’s possibly too late now, as some Agencies don’t cover Bank Holidays and others might well be booked.
It’s perhaps a good idea to speak to Age uk.
I’m also wondering if you get any support from any of them, when they’re at home.

Given a bit of notice you could’ve booked yourselves somewhere suitable for a holiday break - if only to take advantage of room service!

Yes they are expecting far too much! Feeding their cats twice a day even if the cats are close by is unreasonable, no telling what the weather will be like and most certainly not worth risking a fall -icy underfoot or not. They must pay for a cattery! Can't believe they expect this from you , tell them NO you are not feeding the cats . Make your lives as easy as lost over the time that are away , freezer meals - whatever it takes and most definitely no cat feeding. The responsibility is too great . Please speak to them today.

Easy as possible!!

This must give you a horrid feeling. Their plans are unfortunate. Certainly no harm in saying - more than once - how vulnerable you will feel.
The suggestion of asking that the cats are put in a cattery for the duration is a good one and very reasonable. You shouldn't risk going out in the dark or if the weather is bad. Might be worth getting a phone pouch to wear round your neck so that you always have it with you.

I have a tiny cross body bag that my phone just fits in and when I go down stairs at night or I have to take the bin out in slippy weather always have it on.

Talk to DD. Explain that you are a bit apprehensive because of your previous falls and husband's frailty and deafness. See if she will help you come up with a plan.

They probably aren't being uncaring. Children often don't see how their parents are aging and getting weaker, especially if they appear to be coping. If they have a young baby their attention at the moment is probably on the baby, especially if she is a fairly new mother.

Well this isn’t on is it They can’t all go and leave you alone in your ‘very late 80 s’ with the addition of going to their quarters to feed their cats …..unbelievable
As others have said tell them they need to find someone to feed the cats and look in on you each day whilst they are away

Could they fit a camera alarm system in your living quarters so that they can check you are safe from their laptops or mobile phones? Also perhaps they can arrange for someone to call in every day either from an agency or a neighbour.

I think you really need to discuss your fears with them as soon as possible so that contingency plans can be made..

This is so sad, I think you really do need to sit down with them and say how concerned you are for your safety and your husbands ,as a lot of other people have said they could find someone to feed the cats . The sooner you speak to them the better so they have time to sorts things out.

They must arrange at the very least for someone to feed the cats. I often wonder what some people must be thinking .

I think you are not being unreasonable at all. I see two issues; one is the hurt you must feel that they are going away for an extended period without a thought for you. The other, is how best to cope with things from a practical angle. I think perhaps, bring up the subject with your family and express your concerns and see if they have any practical solutions. Maybe meal deliveries would help, some community support (often older people can be offered transport to a centre for Christmas Day together with others for example) and if the cats are too much, they must get someone else to come in.With regard to the emotional hurt, you probably need to keep quiet unless you want to start a lot of bad feeling. Younger people seemingly lead hectic and often egocentric lives these days and sadly you won’t be alone in this situation. I hope you resolve some of this and have a happy Christmas time.

chicken you don't say how long the family will be away for. Three or four days or perhaps a couple of weeks? I know from my own experience that its all to easy to see our parents as we have always seen them and not quite realise the impact of increasing frailty. You say that you are fit for your age which is impressive but the couple of falls has made you nervous.
Perhaps you could re-frame your thinking and decide what needs to happen to make you feel confident in managing while they are away and then have an honest discussion with your DD & SIL about how that can be achieved.

YANBU but your family can't put their life on hold on a 'just in case' basis

So your family, who live in your house, which you gave them, are going away without you? You are also expected to look after their cats? I don’t think so! The cats go in a cattery and you both go away somewhere special for Christmas. Somewhere that caters for your ages and any health concerns. You have given them enough and it’s time to look after yourselves, especially as your family don’t want to. I can’t believe you are being treated like this.