Left alone

This is more than asking to feed the cats

Who can you call if you or your husband need assistance?

I would start thinking about more robust care plans for the future

Are you expected to clean the litter tray (s) also? What happens if a cat becomes unwell and needs veterinary treatment?

You need to let them know asap because catteries fill up very quickly over the Christmas period.

There are watches tgat will register if you have a fall, and alert emergency numbers, and will respond to you (texting you to ask if you need assistance) and summoning assistance

Luminance

You are in a very fortunate situation with family so close by and checking on you for most of the year. They cannot be expected to endure being home all year round incase they are needed by you. If you are concerned then you must take a route to ensure you are checked on daily. If you do not wish to feed the cat it is easily done to ask them to make other arrangements. Any of us could fall at any time and we really must have things in place to get help if needed. A mobile phone on your person is a good idea.

Good grief!

The family lives nearby because they're lucky enough to live in the main house which they were given while chicken and her DH, now in their late 80s, live in a converted outbuilding!

The cats can either come over to get fed, the DD arrange to have someone come over to feed them or they can go in a cattery.
Or catch mice.

My elderly neighbour has some sort of an alarm round her neck , which is connected to the emergency services. I don’t know whether it’s free or whether there’s a charge. You could contact AgeUK for further details.

They must realise that someone needs to be at home over Christmas, my husband is the only child of elderly parents . Dad 95 now , housebound etc, they don't live with us , but very close by . No way we could go away at Christmas, last Christmas our village and theirs ( next to ours) were without water for the whole of Christmas day . Luckily our local petrol station is open Christmas day . We had to go and buy bottles of water and take it round . Otherwise they wouldn't have been able to make a hot drink or boil their veg.

This actually rattles my cage, so they are expecting you to feed their cats twice a day! What’s wrong with putting the cats in a cattery, they don’t want much do they! It wouldn’t be happening if it was my parents I’d make sure you were looked after, how selfish ! Of course everyone has a right to go away but more thought should be going into having someone to check on you each day!

Tell them how you feel - scared - and ask them if they can find out if there are any alternatives to a personal alarm. Tell them that feeding the cats is now too much for you.

You are in a very fortunate situation with family so close by and checking on you for most of the year. They cannot be expected to endure being home all year round incase they are needed by you. If you are concerned then you must take a route to ensure you are checked on daily. If you do not wish to feed the cat it is easily done to ask them to make other arrangements. Any of us could fall at any time and we really must have things in place to get help if needed. A mobile phone on your person is a good idea.

I was afraid I might fall on my neighbours steep garden so I feed the cat at my house. I just call him or rattle his munchies.

So your family, who live in your house, which you gave them, are going away without you? You are also expected to look after their cats? I don’t think so! The cats go in a cattery and you both go away somewhere special for Christmas. Somewhere that caters for your ages and any health concerns. You have given them enough and it’s time to look after yourselves, especially as your family don’t want to. I can’t believe you are being treated like this.

chicken you don't say how long the family will be away for. Three or four days or perhaps a couple of weeks? I know from my own experience that its all to easy to see our parents as we have always seen them and not quite realise the impact of increasing frailty. You say that you are fit for your age which is impressive but the couple of falls has made you nervous.
Perhaps you could re-frame your thinking and decide what needs to happen to make you feel confident in managing while they are away and then have an honest discussion with your DD & SIL about how that can be achieved.

YANBU but your family can't put their life on hold on a 'just in case' basis

I think you are not being unreasonable at all. I see two issues; one is the hurt you must feel that they are going away for an extended period without a thought for you. The other, is how best to cope with things from a practical angle. I think perhaps, bring up the subject with your family and express your concerns and see if they have any practical solutions. Maybe meal deliveries would help, some community support (often older people can be offered transport to a centre for Christmas Day together with others for example) and if the cats are too much, they must get someone else to come in.With regard to the emotional hurt, you probably need to keep quiet unless you want to start a lot of bad feeling. Younger people seemingly lead hectic and often egocentric lives these days and sadly you won’t be alone in this situation. I hope you resolve some of this and have a happy Christmas time.

They must arrange at the very least for someone to feed the cats. I often wonder what some people must be thinking .

This is so sad, I think you really do need to sit down with them and say how concerned you are for your safety and your husbands ,as a lot of other people have said they could find someone to feed the cats . The sooner you speak to them the better so they have time to sorts things out.

Could they fit a camera alarm system in your living quarters so that they can check you are safe from their laptops or mobile phones? Also perhaps they can arrange for someone to call in every day either from an agency or a neighbour.

I think you really need to discuss your fears with them as soon as possible so that contingency plans can be made..

Well this isn’t on is it They can’t all go and leave you alone in your ‘very late 80 s’ with the addition of going to their quarters to feed their cats …..unbelievable
As others have said tell them they need to find someone to feed the cats and look in on you each day whilst they are away

Talk to DD. Explain that you are a bit apprehensive because of your previous falls and husband's frailty and deafness. See if she will help you come up with a plan.

They probably aren't being uncaring. Children often don't see how their parents are aging and getting weaker, especially if they appear to be coping. If they have a young baby their attention at the moment is probably on the baby, especially if she is a fairly new mother.

I have a tiny cross body bag that my phone just fits in and when I go down stairs at night or I have to take the bin out in slippy weather always have it on.

This must give you a horrid feeling. Their plans are unfortunate. Certainly no harm in saying - more than once - how vulnerable you will feel.
The suggestion of asking that the cats are put in a cattery for the duration is a good one and very reasonable. You shouldn't risk going out in the dark or if the weather is bad. Might be worth getting a phone pouch to wear round your neck so that you always have it with you.

Easy as possible!!

Yes they are expecting far too much! Feeding their cats twice a day even if the cats are close by is unreasonable, no telling what the weather will be like and most certainly not worth risking a fall -icy underfoot or not. They must pay for a cattery! Can't believe they expect this from you , tell them NO you are not feeding the cats . Make your lives as easy as lost over the time that are away , freezer meals - whatever it takes and most definitely no cat feeding. The responsibility is too great . Please speak to them today.

I sometimes think our AC and DGCs don’t see us as getting older - but, it would seem very obvious from your description that you are both frail/elderly.
I think you need a frank discussion, not only about care for the cats, but care for yourselves. They don’t seem to be short of a bob or two, so I’d be asking them to pay for ‘someone’ to keep an eye on you. However, it’s possibly too late now, as some Agencies don’t cover Bank Holidays and others might well be booked.
It’s perhaps a good idea to speak to Age uk.
I’m also wondering if you get any support from any of them, when they’re at home.

Given a bit of notice you could’ve booked yourselves somewhere suitable for a holiday break - if only to take advantage of room service!

I doubt they are with you 24hrs a day every day so the risk of falling when alone could happen at any time.

If you do need someone to be with you at all times then maybe employ a carer when needed or you could contact a care agency and have them on call if you need them in an emergency.

Calendargirl

The cats could go to a cattery, that would get rid of one problem.

If it were just Christmas Day they were away, but if it’s for a few days, yes, it sounds unreasonable to me.

And rather selfish on their part.

I agree.
I wouldn’t leave you alone at Christmas if you were my parents, I would want a lovely family time all together and a special meal on the day.
You are not being unreasonable to feel miffed.💐
On a practical level, as you will be alone have easy meals in the freezer and carry your mobile in a pocket wherever you are in the house and garden.