Entitled or is it just me, a generational thing maybe.

MissAdventure

I could tell you I think the friend is a rude cow, but I'm not sure how well that would be received.
So I won't.

I agree with you. I would not send anything at all.

theworriedwell

Doodledog did you ever get a combined present because you wanted or they thought a big ticket item would be nice. I do remember school friends doing the annual thing but I also remember mine wanting a computer and nearly 50 years ago that was too much for us to spend on a single present so that year it was a joint present. If it works like that I think it can also be positive even if it is sometimes far from positive.

As a teenager I could sometimes get a new coat or similar 'big ticket item' as a combined present, which was fine; but young children don't understand costs, and getting one selection box or Ludo game with 'and your birthday' on the gift tag doesn't cut it. It still doesn't when friends give joint gifts, and I get them separate birthday and Christmas presents.

My children are now adults, and will sometimes ask for a joint present when they need an expensive household item. Their birthdays are in Spring though, and I would never let them go by without something to open, even if I'd pushed the boat out at Christmas. Presents shouldn't just be transactional, IMO. They show that the day is important as a celebration that the recipient is alive. The value is far less important than being remembered and appreciated.

Young people are only as entitled as they have been allowed to be, by the adults around them.

Either way, anyone who had been intending to give a birthday present to someone and does so regularly ie grandparents, aunts/uncles would factor the cost in the same as if a birthday was in June surely?🤔
As for pushy parents instructing others and nurturing an culture of entitlement in their own offspring- just get knotted😅

NotSpaghetti

Yes Aber - that is exactly what we do!

And we book birthday parties in very early so their friends and family can "save the date" just for them.
As they get older and want to "do" things (eg paintballing, ice skating etc) you also need to book venues in October or early November or you can't get in for work Christmas "dos".

I expect it's awkward if the baby was born on Christmas day itself.
I would have had to have found a way though to separate the two.

I remember inviting a couple of little friends and cousins plus parents round one year just before Christmas for DD's 2nd birthday, I'd bought/made birthday food, cake, as well as all the Christmas food.

However, other friends and relatives turned up - with birthday presents which was lovely. I had to use up my Christmas buffet supplies as well! But we all enjoyed it.

theworriedwell

Doodledog did you ever get a combined present because you wanted or they thought a big ticket item would be nice. I do remember school friends doing the annual thing but I also remember mine wanting a computer and nearly 50 years ago that was too much for us to spend on a single present so that year it was a joint present. If it works like that I think it can also be positive even if it is sometimes far from positive.

So if a child has a birthday in June and wanted a computer for Christmas, would you say in June "Sorry, Joe, there's no birthday present because you had a computer last Christmas?".

Yes Aber - that is exactly what we do!

And we book birthday parties in very early so their friends and family can "save the date" just for them.
As they get older and want to "do" things (eg paintballing, ice skating etc) you also need to book venues in October or early November or you can't get in for work Christmas "dos".

I expect it's awkward if the baby was born on Christmas day itself.
I would have had to have found a way though to separate the two.

Will the mother also delay in putting up the Christmas tree until after the birthday? Though at one year old it hardly matters.

I agree Hithere - it's also very different when the child becomes old enough to make choices. If they are saving for something for example - or want something expensive and can discuss it with you.

A child I used to childmind had his 1st birthday early in January 2005, just after the 2004 Tsumi. Coming from a large family he had a party in local village hall, his parents asked for donations for tsumi fund as he'd had lots of gifts for Christmas
Sensible parents

Smileless2012

If she was attempting less clutter, wouldn't she prefer one gift for both occasions rather than insisting there be a gift for each?

No.
As a mother with a near-Christmas son.

If I couldn't cope with a few birthday gifts what the heck is going on??

Doodledog did you ever get a combined present because you wanted or they thought a big ticket item would be nice. I do remember school friends doing the annual thing but I also remember mine wanting a computer and nearly 50 years ago that was too much for us to spend on a single present so that year it was a joint present. If it works like that I think it can also be positive even if it is sometimes far from positive.

I wouldn’t make a child suffer for his parents’ rudeness. As a Christmas baby myself (or near enough) I dislike joint presents. As a child it made me feel very overlooked. I used to get hastily wrapped annuals that had obviously been read and similar from little friends whose parents had obviously remembered at the last minute and talked them from the friend’s present pile in time for my party. We didn’t get a lot ‘just because’, so birthday and Christmas presents mattered.

As an adult, my lovely MIL would give me a box of sweets on my birthday and my present on my husband’s birthday in the summer.

As an adult some friends still combine presents, and whilst I don’t get upset at not having even more chocolate and bath things, it does cross my mind when I buy for them later in the year.

I might have asked that the children get separate presents if they’d been Christmas babies, as I remember how ‘and your birthday’ on a gift tag made me feel, and routines start early.

Also, the mum will be very protective of her child, remember, and might not have considered that a one year old won’t care either way. I went to a lot of trouble for my son’s first birthday as I wanted to do everything right, and of course it was a waste of time. I got balloons printed with ‘X’s FIRST BIRTHDAY’, and had a party. The babies all howled when the balloons got burst by little fingers, and it was a like battlefield! My son was more traumatised than delighted. We all learn as we go along though.

Having said that, I would never dictate what people should buy, either for me or my children. That is a bit cheeky, although it avoids the risk of the child getting 6 teddy bears, and the associated jealousy when he prefers the one the other granny bought 😉

How rude of her. I wouldn’t buy anything as a 1 year old won’t know what it’s all about. As children get older I can see this being unfair. My friends birthday was on Xmas day and spent her life getting joint birthday an Christmas gifts.

The words which spring to mind are
"Darned cheek". And that's the polite version.
I wouldn't send anything.

kittylester

Our neice had her first son on Christmas day so they had the clever idea of celebrating his half birthday on 25 June which went very well until his brother was born on the 25th June 4 years later.

Just like my first two! 😁

I know a Christmas Day birthday boy whose parents give him gifts and a party in June 25th.

Our neice had her first son on Christmas day so they had the clever idea of celebrating his half birthday on 25 June which went very well until his brother was born on the 25th June 4 years later.

I’d tell her to bog off.

Tantrums - can't type.

Your birthday is your special day - or so it is in this family. Some members manage to make their birthdays a three day event. We also exchange Christmas gifts but they are smaller. I can only imagine the rage, tamtrums, lying on the floor and thrashing of legs if any one of my family were given just one gift for both events - I wouldn't dare, and several are very near to Christmas. I also agree with MissAdventure - but I won't say it either, of course.

Why does anyone dictate a way to do things, is silly, the baby won't know much about presents, so if some decide to buy one present or two is up to them. I do wish some people would look up common sense in the dictionary.

I think you have me confused with someone else theworriedwell, I haven't said that I wouldn't by the child a present.

Though I agree with the concept of separate Birthday and Christmas gifts, if I was the mother of a one year old I would likely be grateful for fewer gifts this year.
The directive is just plain rude.

I would be itching to acknowledge the message but advising that under no circumstances would a combined thank you letter be acceptable as you would prefer two separate notes. Ideally written in ink..... on cream paper....
You get my drift?

Smileless do you ever buy for a one year old? Why? They don't know. Children in my family or friends is going to be treated the same as the others. If you want to leave a child out because you don't like the parents doing a list that's your decision but it isn't something I'd do.