Entitled or is it just me, a generational thing maybe.

If it was a friend's child I might buy a birthday present but not a Christmas present whenever their birthday is.

I don’t think she should have sent a list of suitable presents but birthdays near Christmas do present problems. My own son, whose birthday is near Christmas would get smaller presents for his birthday than his brother from some family members “because it’s near Christmas ” my friend had an aunt who would sent her a happy Christmas on your birthday card. Another friend heard her small daughter tell someone she didn’t have a birthday she just had Christmas. My friend solved that by giving her a birthday party for her friends in the summer and family celebrated her real birthday.

My daughter was born early on Christmas morning. We always bought her a big special present in the summer, a swing, a slide for instance. However her closest family know that even now she expects birthday cards, appropriately wrapped presents, and a birthday cake - with candles - on 25th December. Two people who have always made a point of remembering her birthday are my cousins, her second cousins, who have their birthdays on 19th and 28th December. They know what it’s like to be overlooked!

Perhaps that is an understandable fear of this child's mother. Perhaps she knows how that feels.

The idea of a child feeling they do not matter is very upsetting.

a bit confused, even.

MissAdventure

As I said, we don't know whether the wording was a direct quote or an interpretation of what was said from someone indignant at the thought of the mother not being grateful for whatever she was given.

That one ☝️
It seemed long, because I imagined we were taking in person.

Have I offended you now? Sorry.

Not at all. I'm just a big confused

I think the justification of it being a bigger present can be disingenuous. Does bigger mean the equivalent of two or it's just a bit more than one which it sometimes is. People can say all sorts to justify their meanness to a child.

As I said, we don't know whether the wording was a direct quote or an interpretation of what was said from someone indignant at the thought of the mother not being grateful for whatever she was given.

That one ☝️
It seemed long, because I imagined we were taking in person.

Have I offended you now? Sorry.

MissAdventure

Oh, that was a long sentence.

Eh?

Oh, that was a long sentence.

MissAdventure

Are you a Christmas baby? 🤭
I always would buy a bigger gift, therefore, I don't need instructions, or even advice.

I wouldn't take it out on the baby, either.

So my theory is that if you are friends, you would already know how the land lies, and if you're not, it's pretty rude to tell people "under no circumstances...."

P.S - I might pull a face at the baby...

Me?

Yes, as I said, I used to get joint presents a lot as a child, when my sister and brother both got birthday presents in November and separate Christmas presents. As an adult I can understand the thinking (or lack of thought) behind it, but as a child it hurt. Not so much out of jealousy about the items, but as it made me feel I didn't matter.

My children were both Spring babies, but if I'd had a Christmas one I may well have asked people not to join presents. Not for a first birthday, but when they were old enough to understand. Children can't really speak up for themselves.

As I said, we don't know whether the wording was a direct quote or an interpretation of what was said from someone indignant at the thought of the mother not being grateful for whatever she was given.

😘

Quite.

Oh no, I'm rarely fed up with myself.

Must be. awkward being fed up with yourself being fed up. Bit of a vicious circle.

For myself, it isn't really the act of being petty that is frowned upon, petty people are everywhere I'm afraid and quickly spotted. It is justifying the act of being petty and couching it as a reasonable response that I cannot understand.

MissA .

Well, we all get fed up.
I'm fed up with hearing how fed up people get, frankly.

MissAdventure I've said before I have a Christmas baby (all grown up) and a late November baby and a first week in January baby and not every one does 2 presents or one big present so well done you.

Maybe the mum was fed up last Christmas when her new baby got one present from people who'd had a present for their new babies in the past and a Christmas present for their first Christmas. Maybe they are the people who got the message and whilst I wouldn't have done it I don't blame her.

I agree with Doodledogs post and whilst it didn't happen much to my kids and certainly not from significant people it did happen.

As for the spite to a one year old baby well I assume they are the people who'd relish an excuse to get out of an extra present and don't like being called out on it.

Are you a Christmas baby? 🤭
I always would buy a bigger gift, therefore, I don't need instructions, or even advice.

I wouldn't take it out on the baby, either.

So my theory is that if you are friends, you would already know how the land lies, and if you're not, it's pretty rude to tell people "under no circumstances...."

P.S - I might pull a face at the baby...

Why would people take out their indignation at the mother on a child? I don’t understand that mentality at all.

I agree that ‘instructions’ are over the top, but without knowing exactly what was said we don’t know if they were suggestions that have been interpreted as instructions by someone furious at what they see as a lack of suitable gratitude. It seems to me perfectly possible that that is the case.

No, people don’t routinely spend more on a ‘double’ present. Not at all. The circumstances mentioned upthread, when a larger gift is asked for is very different from someone piggybacking on Christmas to get out of buying a birthday present. That can be hurtful for a child who knows his siblings get two sets of gifts every year, and annoying for an adult who buys two gifts for the meanies (or the meanies’ children) and gets one back.

Of course a baby is no wiser, and of course we don’t (or shouldn’t) give to receive, but I’m talking about the principle.

I'd be tempted to gift them a bike. One wheel for their birthday and the other for Christmas.

There are two issues here though, one is a list of suggestions for gifts and the other is that ^on no account should a joint gift be given^; the latter is not a suggestion, it's an order.